Cheating boyfriend advice?

about 4 years back my boyfriend had slept with another girl 3 times. He wanted to be with her but she kinda was just having fun with him, learning all about his wounds and kinda playing with him a bit but he “loved” her. So fast forward a bit we talked and got back together. I was pregnant and during my pregnancy they were exchanging inappropriate text messages. She’d send him pics of her in new outfits and ask his opinion, ask if her lips were juicy etc. And he would be more than happy to accommodate her. So i find out, confront him. I am very pregnant. I am very hormonal, he stops and doesn’t talk to her. Daughter is 1 find out he has been talking to her about her new bundle of joy (not his) She and him exchange stories about breastfeeding, i am brought up about how i was unable to breastfeed which mind you is a very sensitive topic with me because i really wanted to. They mention a few times about how i am overbearing and i should do more for my family etc. So i confront him, he says he hasn’t been talking to her. I show the proof of what i have found. See pictures of kiss faces and other things. So he stops, realizes it is an unhealthy obsession with her (or so he tells me) It is now, daughter is 2 and i have another baby on the way. We have been together for 7 years and are now engaged. His fb is logged in, i don’t realize it at first and go to search bar in fb to look something up. When i tap it , i didn’t even type. His recent searches show and her name pops up... My question is... what should i do? Will it ever stop? Why can’t he let her go? I feel like a fool for letting it go this far. I do love him and he really is a great guy, he has some MAJOR issues and i can help him with those, but i don’t know if i can put up with this obsession of his much longer. I can’t even look in the direction of another guy or talk to another guy without him flipping out. But he tells me i can’t get anyone else. which may be true. I don't know. I just am looking for guidance i guess.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • He has learned that he can keep cheating and you will keep taking him back. That is what your actions have taught him. And he will try to lie about things until you prove you know better. So he will keep lying and hoping you will not have the proof. And lets face it, there will be times that you are really sure he is cheating but you won't have the proof. So it will sit and get under your skin.

    Does that sound like a life you WANT? Yet it has been going on for years. And once you are married he will have one more thing that he feels will makes you stay with him no matter how often he cheats. It will get worse.

    You have let yourself have a kid under these circumstances, and even seeing it continue you have let yourself get pregnant and are about to have another. At this point, there really is no good advice. You should have left him years ago! But with two kids? Wow. I hope that you have great job skills and can earn a living on your own.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Ugh, I agree with you, he needs to get over it! He's with you, has asked you to marry him and you two have 2 (TWO!!) kids together!

    I don't understand where these obsessions come from. But it's clear he has little respect for you. He keeps doing this despite you telling him to stop. I personally would leave him. He doesn't deserve to be with you if he can't respect you.

    it's not fair for you to put up with this. Especially the part where he is talking about personal things you are struggling with (breastfeeding) with her! That to me is super insensitive of him! She shouldn't be able to know all of your struggles and problems, That is between you and him only.

    And him telling you that you won't be able to find anyone else sounds abusive in my opinion. Sounds to me like he wants his cake and to eat it too. He has her who he gets to talk to and act cute with (and god only knows what else), and then he has you, who carries his kids, takes care of the home all while he is talking to another woman. You are totally getting a raw deal here.

    I would put my foot down, and probably leave him. If he can't stop this obsession (especially when he is to be married to you!) then it's not worth it.

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What Guys Said 1

  • Okay.

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What Girls Said 1

  • my advice: lose this loser immediately, which is what you should have done after the first time he cheated on you.

    by staying with him, you've (indirectly) told him that you are okay with his behaviour. and, because you keep allowing it, he keeps doing it. so spare yourself any more pain and kick him to the curb asap.

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