Would you take yourself out of someone's life if you thought you were causing them pain?

I was casually seeing/ friends with a man for over 2 years. He was not ready for a relationship apparently but I believe he did (does?) have feelings for me. I now worry that because he knows i want more, he's decided to never speak to me again. It's been almost 3 weeks. Is he over me? Does he despise me? The last time we spoke/saw each other it wasn't bad. Is he trying to do me a favor by exiting stage left?
Could he be waiting for me to contact him first?

Why do I feel like because he hasn't contacted me that he hates me when I haven't done anything wrong---he just knows I want more.

And damn, that's a lot of questions... my apologies.


Most Helpful Guy

  • I would and have removed myself from a woman's life because I felt I couldn't provide the treatment she deserved.

    Now I don't know how things went down with you two, but if he said, "I'm done", then its over and move on. If not, if you had a discussion, you did or said nothing mean or terrible, then thinking he's mad or hates you is catastrophising.

    Only he can say what his motivations are.

    • Thank you for the input. He didn't say "I'm done". I did utter the phrase "I don't know what to do... don't know if I'm able to be friends with you". We were at an event out of town at the time and had a great 2 days afterwards and then it's been *crickets* I did not say anything mean or terrible at all since there's nothing mean to really say, he's always been very honest with me.

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    • Well that I can put your mind at ease about. He's not mad at you, he doesn't hate you, and he still likes you. You just want different things and he's being respectful.

    • You are right on the money I think. Much appreciated!


What Guys Said 2

  • When a guy says "I'm not ready" your response is "well when you are ready look me up IF I'm still single." He manipulated you into hanging around with no hope for a future. Guys say that to get women to do just what you did with no strings attatched. What it really means is "I'm not interested unless you want to fuck."

    • Duly noted, thanks. In all honesty I think I was the one who pushed for sex and not him. My bad...

  • Yes I would

    • Thank you for your response

What Girls Said 2

  • He wasted your time. 2 years and he doesn't want anything serious?
    You wasted your time. You reach out to him and demand an answer.
    Ask him why did he disappear? Ask him one more time if he wants to try it out with you because you guys casually saw eachother for 2 years. If he doesn't reply then forget him and move on please because you're causing yourself to hurt when it's clearly him.

    • Thank you for the response... You're right, it is him. I firmly believe he would answer me if I contacted him, he's been pretty honest. I was kind of the dumb one as he told me in the very beginning he wasn't ready for a relationship and I did not establish my boundaries nor bail at the time when he said that so I'm a little at fault too. I think he may be trying to respect me as he knows what I want and he's not wanting the same thing right now in our lives.

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    • Well thank you very much for your advice, I'll certainly think about it and when I think I'm ready I'll contact him (if he hasn't first). I have definitely learned it's important to establish those boundaries for the future! Thanks again!

  • he's probably giving you space to get over him. So you'll have to be the one to reach out

    • Ok, thank you. This really helps, appreciate your comment. :)