My boyfriend and I had been dating for almost 5 months. I was so happy, and so was he. Anyway, during the second half of this semester, he started getting really busy with school (he's an engineering major, and usually pulls all-nighters in the library). He wasn't able to hang out with me outside of class as much, although we did have one class together. Anyway, yesterday night, he was walking me back to my car after our final exam, and everything seemed okay. We were talking and holding hands like we usually did. When we got to my car, he got really quiet and then it happened. He said that he was going to be really busy this summer and next semester with schoolwork (taking 21 credits) and grad school applications, and that he didn't think he could be my boyfriend anymore. He said he felt so bad for not being able to hang out with me as much as he wanted to, and that he just "couldn't forgive" himself for doing that to me. When I asked him if it was something I did, he said no, that I was doing everything right and that I was the perfect girlfriend. He said it was all his fault. He just felt awful that he couldn't be the perfect boyfriend to me, and give me the time I deserved. All of this just broke my heart, because I never once felt that he didn't care about me. The entire time, his voice was shaking, and he was kind of gasping between in every few words.
I'm just in so much pain right now. When I begged him to reconsider, he just said it wasn't fair to me. He said he really liked me, and he didn't want to do this, but he thought he had to. He finished by saying we could go back to being friends, and that I could text him anytime. He then said that the timing was against us, and that if the feelings are still there later on in the future, we could maybe try again. He just didn't know when that time would be. So what do you guys think? I know we weren't together all that long, but I had a really good feeling about him that I just can't explain.
Most Helpful Guy
He's being a bit stupid because he's trying to do WHAT HE FEELS is the right thing. This is an issue all to common with guys, so bear with me as I explain it as best I can.
Guys HATE disapproval and the feeling of letting someone close to them down. In fact, a few will go to such great lengths as to injure or even KILL themselves in the effort of staving off either of those feelings. This is even more prevalent when dating, because it is all-to-easy for a guy to drop everything on the back-burner to help the one he cares about, even if its something minor compared to the shit going on in his life.
So here's the thing: He's an engineering student who's about to enter into a period of rigorous and extensive learning, studying, and testing, all of which are immensely important to what he wishes to do in the future. That isn't to say you aren't important to him -- if it was, he wouldn't have broken up with you in the fashion he did. He's trying to "compartmentalize" his life, an act of "cutting away" parts of his life that he has thus deemed unnecessary to his ultimate goal. The way he broke up with you shows this, as you are a big part of his life and he deeply regrets doing what he did...
But he ASSUMES that you expect him to give him ALL HIS FREE TIME and/or will get angry about the lack of attention he'll not be able to give you in the future. Keyword here is "assume."
Like I said, he's being stupid but its not out of malice, rather its out of the concern that he won't be able to provide you with the time, care, and love he feels you deserve. And he's trying to let you down easy in the faint hope that, one day, you both might get back together and resume where you left off. The problem is that life isn't that simple and he knows that, so he also is taking into consideration that you will likely find another after this hurt has passed. And he hates that it might occur, but because he cares for you, he's willing to suck it up.
Once again, he's being stupid.
So now you have a couple choices to make. You can either go along with this and either find someone new or keep in contact with him (and thus remain in his mind) and play the long game... or you can attempt to show him that he's being stupid by talking together as a couple. You can work with him and do what a lot of women your age, in college, would refuse to do: HELP HIM through the tough times at his side.
The biggest question is how much do you care for him?1
- Show AllShow Less