Can guys be afraid of falling in love?

I have been dating this guy for about 4 months or so. He and I have made it a point to go slow and be somewhat casual but i think we both started developing feelings pretty quickly. Just within the last two weeks he's started calling me pet names and treating me even more like a girlfriend. Everything seems to be going really well, except - we're not having sex! He stopped pursuing me around the time he started really showing me his feelings for me. I tried to make an advance a couple of days ago and he said he wasn't in the mood. I asked him, "are you sexually attracted to me?" and he said "yes" but clearly felt uncomfortable and said something that basically meant he wanted to change the subject. What's happened? It seems like he really has deep feelings for me otherwise. Is he scared of those feelings? But maybe I'm wrong and he really doesn't have feelings for me...


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Most Helpful Guy

  • I think he' s just classically hesitating at the last moment.

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    • Can you explain?

    • Its the idea when something is too good to be true so you deny that its true and you try to move on. If you want to keep him you are going to have to explain that you really want him and that its not a false love. But that also means that if you double cross that that promise he isn't going to be afraid to likely dissapear if it goes south so play it carefully. Guys with trust issues are very careful with relationships.

What Guys Said 7

  • I don't think people are afraid to fall in love. It's more like being unsure if this is a person they want to spend there life with. Alternatively there are people in this world incapable of expressing or showing love. I doubt that's the case with this guy, but he may be simply uncertain.

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  • Having sex to him isn't important to the base of the relationship is what he's trying to tell you.

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    • I love this answer. Thanks for sharing! He has already told me once or twice that sex isn't a huge thing for him; but we have been intimate for 3 months and the sex in the beginning was really good. Then it tapered off as soon as the feelings started getting stronger. This is what I'm reading, at least. Do you still think that could be a good reason why it's happening? That sex just isn't that important to him?

    • If your there with him and make him smile and "love" being around him of course its a good reason. Sex is short but being able to be with another once they are found can last the rest of a life time. Learn to treasure what you have but never take it for granted.

  • Yeah we can. I fell in love with the girl of my dreams and she didn't return it nor did we end up in a relationship and things got complicated between us and because of how miserable that time felt I never let myself fall in love quickly again because of that fear of loving someone who doesn't love me back. Situationso of the past define reactions of the future

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  • You need to get into this with him. It sounds like this is a deal-breaker for you. It would be for most people. I don't think he's scared of the feelings. It seems more likely that either he has some sexual dysfunction, or he is just not attracted to women. I suppose it's also possible that he has the "virgin / whore" mentality, and thinks that having sex with you outside marriage is somehow wrong.

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    • Thank you so much for your answer! Just wanted to clarify that we have been intimate before - and the sex was actually great in the beginning. But around the time he started to express his feelings for me the sex stopped. Do you think it could still be sexual dysfunction or that he may be gay?

    • No idea. If you have had good sex before, then I don't think attraction is the problem. It could be depression or erectile dysfunction or I don't know what. Have you tried relationship counseling? Is he even open to that? Have you been clear that an active sex life is very important to you?

  • It sounds like he's not sure of how to proceed from here...

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  • In a good relationship your suppose to wait 6-8 months

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  • Maybe he wants to be sure you're right for him. He might want someone for long term and marriage.

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What Girls Said 4

  • I'd say he either has feelings for you, or he is really nervous about sex. It's hard to say. I'd wait for him to bring it up again.

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  • I think he likes you and feels sexually attracted to you. Probably he is just not ready yet or is too nervous about doing it.

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  • After this amount of time you need to bring it up again and make him have the conversation. There is obviously a reason and the sooner you know the better. But be prepared for anything, it could be a health issue, that is my first guess, or any number of things. After four months he shouldn't have any hold ups or fears from the past, but that could be it. You have to just make him tell you though, it is time to deal with whatever it is.

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  • anyone can be afraid of falling in love

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    • k i just read ur description lol and I'd say that he's probably not ready to have sex yet and things may be going a bit fast for him so just take it slow yanno

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