Girlfriend says "I love you" to other guys?

We have been dating for approximately 5.5 months. We look at each other's phones from time to time, and I notice how she tells a guy that she loves him, sends hearts, compliments him, etc. Now, usually this is a blood red flag that something's going on, but the reason I'm confused is because this is one of her internet friends. Now, why would I be concerned about this? She has "dated" an internet friend before. She tells this guy she loves him, mails him things, he mails her things, and it just seems like a lot. From what she says, this guy is depressed. He's never been in a relationship before. It just seems like he's hitting on my girlfriend, and she's blindly leading him on. Or maybe she isn't? I have confronted her about it and she went into a crying fit that she only loves me, and so on. I forget the rest of that conversation.

I texted her that I loved her on Facebook Messenger, and so did this guy. She replied to his message, but left mine unread. That is what led up to the confrontation.
I'm just not sure what I should think. Is this suspicious at all? This is just what I've been seeing with this guy. They text a lot and have each other added on all social media. I wouldn't think anything of it, except for the fact that she HAS had an internet relationship before. I'm not really sure what to think.

Updates:
I should probably mention that my girlfriend isn't the only girl he talks to like this. There are several others. My girlfriend also talks to other girls like this (and some different guys too). She makes no effort to hide the messages from me, so I think that in her eyes, it's nothing. She doesn't mind me seeing it becuase she thinks I'll see it the same way she does: a harmless friendship. What do you guys think?

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Normally the only person Id say "I love you" to is the person Im dating however there have been some friends I said it to as well.
    I think if this was a cheating issue she would be hiding her messages and phone from you but she doesn't so it sounds like she isn't cheating. You do have a right to be concerned nowadays infidelity can be detected my social media and texts. I dont think she's cheating but you should make sure she isn't leading someone else on. Maybe she does have friends who she cares about and tells them that she loves them. Sometimes a friend is all we have.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Wow! relationships today are tougher than the past!

    So this is called an "emotional" relationship that she has with this other guy. And to her it feels "safe" because she doesn't plan to do anything with him, probably likes that he is a "wounded bird" and wants to mother him.

    It is inappropriate as u stated. The good part of it is that she is open about it (as far as you know) and not hiding anything; that is comforting. But in terms of your relationship with her, it is a problem.

    Honestly I did the same thing to my girlfriend she is doing to you and I didn't get it. I had a female friend who was just that a friend, but it trashed our relationship.

    What has to be done is she needs to be educated that this is hurtful to you and your relationship with her. That may take a 3rd party you both trust like a trained relationship counselor. What then happens is she needs to put up some "boundaries" with this other person so that you are secure in knowing she loves you, is committed to you and not anyone else. That makes it a monogomous relationship which I think is what you both want.

    Example boundaries in this scenario, but you need to help guide this to what would make it safe. Realize, the only safe solution may be that she disconnect completely from this guy. If so, that is an ultimatum in the relationship and it may break you two:
    * She doesn't tell him she loves him, she says she appreciates his friendship or something like that.
    * She only spends time with him if you are there, like communicating or physically.
    * No secrets

    Communication:
    * you need to talk with her about why she is liking other people's stuff and not yours. I get the feeling she is really not into this relationship with you. She may not be ready for an exclusive relationship.

    Don't retaliate by doing something to hurt her, that is childish although I can undestand why you would.

    Even though you are young, you are learnign a lot here. I highly recommend, if you have the funds or access, get a relationship counselor (at school, professional) to council both of you. See if parents will pay for it. That will be one of the best investments they've ever made if they are good and turn over the rocks to find problems. This isn't saying somethign is wrong with you, honestly there is something wrong with everyone and the lack of training and education in relationships is pathetic in our world. It should be standard practice...

    If I can help further, let me know.

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What Girls Said 6

  • She has a full blown relationship with this dude. Even if they've never been physical together what they talk about and what they do for each other is stuff (in my opinion) you should only do for your significant other. Just because they've never met doesn't mean that there's nothing going on. Does he know about you?

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    • He does know about me. She has a hidden Instagram account (that I'm not allowed to follow) that he follows. When I'm on her phone, she lets me do whatever. So I look on her account. She publicly posts things about me and how happy she is with me (not all the time, of course. But those posts are there)... This guy likes those posts. This is the only reason why I feel like she might not actually love this guy. But I'm not sure.

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    • She tells me it's her place to just rant or something like that. And she doesn't want me to see those kinds of things. I just kind of go with it. I know she isn't hiding anything that way.

      But yeah, I'm not really okay with it. Next time I see the guy texting that kind of stuff to her, I'll probably confront her again, asking what's going on.

    • If she says nothing still, then just tell her that you're not comfortable with it and you'd appreciate it if she stops. And if she doesn't then I feel like you need to reevaluate whether or not she values you more, over this guy.

  • There are many different kinds of love dude. You can love a friend. I certainly love my best friend who is a guy, but I would absolutely not date him under any circumstances. That guy is also depressed, so you can put two and two together there. It's kind of really important to show a depressed person that you care about them as best as you can. That helps a lot.
    You're overthinking it. A lot. I'm like 99.9% sure. There could be something fishy about it, but I think you're merely overthinking it.

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  • Red flag. Red flag. Red flag.

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  • You need to have a serious talk with her about that and you need to tell her how you feel.

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  • Maybe she is emotionally unstable

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  • if she truly loved you she ll not said that kind of stuff to other guys. She might cheat on you

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What Guys Said 12

  • You're still under 18, when people are young it's expected that they would want to try and experiment with other people and relationships and dating.

    If she was never truly fully honest and committed to you in the first place or haven't exactly been open and honest about it, maybe she isn't really willing to settle with you. She could be confused about herself and haven't absolutely decided that you are her best option and that you would be her future husband or something.

    For now, maybe you can either decide whether or not an open relation ship would work for you two and put all jealousy and jealous feelings aside, or breakup and start over completely until you find someone that you feel is more appropriate, completely honest and only loyal to you and have no other desires or thoughts to see, date, or even experiment with anyone else besides you.

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  • Personally, I look at it like she's cheating on you by giving me this other guy her affections and attention... I mean wtf?
    I wouldn't like it either... I'm not an overly jealous person... But it sounds like your girl needs to get her priorities straight... how would she like it if you had an internet girlfriend and you were telling her that you loved her blowing you kisses all the time and that bullshit? That's what it is bro... Bullshit!
    I like to consider myself open-minded and reasonable... But I don't find any good reason why she would have in a relationship with someone in which she has feelings for enough to tell them that she loves them... And exchanging of gifts? Nah... I wouldn't be having that. I like my women loyal.

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  • if your not to invested in her emotionally i would let it be known if the guy isn't anymore than a friend she should stop saying she loves him and she doesn't you will have a talk with the guy. but he might not know you are with her if she is telling him something different i had it happen to me and the other guy clueless about it.

    because know guy with a brain sad or not says he loves another girl if he knows she is in a relation ship unless he is a jerk thinking he can do what he wants or she is lying to him and he doesn't know you and her are together.

    but this just coming from my experience which is why this is my opinion. its up to you to make the final call on it. but you need to ensure she stops it with the emotional stuff with the guy.

    if it bothers you so much let her know its tearing you apart with her giving him so much more than the guy deserves while she is with you.

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  • First of all, I want to say that what she's doing is blindfully leading her the internet boy on (lets call him Justin). There's no doubt that she's cheating on you with her time. She's giving Justin more attention than she does to you. I'm sure she loves you, but the "i love you" 's between them two are not acceptable when is to that level. You have to be straight forward with her and make her choose who her top priority is, you or Justin.

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  • Have you tried adding this guy and talking to him yourelf, maybe jsut letting him know that she's off limits.. try not to get hostile and i'm sre you'll get to the bottom of the situation.. some girlsare just like that, it's nothing bad, she's just a very friendly person it seems :)

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  • Girls don't just show random affection to random guys on the Internet. I would say yes, here is totally something going and you should try to talk, not confront, her about it.

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  • Probably a good time to talk with the other guy to figure out what's going on. Make sure there are no misunderstandings and then continue from there. Just asking. Does the other guy know she has a boyfriend?

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    • He does know. I've never spoken to him, but she has publicly said on social media that we are dating. So he does know.

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    • I would do that, but I don't trust this guy. He could tell her about me talking to him right away, and then she would get angry at me for not trusting her. Or something along the lines of that. I'll probably send him a friend request and see what happens from there.

    • If there were any trust in your relationship , it's long gone.
      I wouldn't worry about it , now it's time for damage control.

  • I think you should tell her your feelings. Tell her you aren't comfortable with them being so close together. If she understands how you feel she will comply or at the very least explain why she can or cannot.

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  • I think it's time to end it, sorry

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  • Damn well you should talk her "friend" and ask him what's going

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  • thats 2 timing, for sure. fuck the bitch.

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  • Slut alert. Dump her.

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