Can someone just please tell me it's going to be okay? I messed things up with a guy, and I hate myself?

I won't get into specifics, but I am feeling really conflicted.

Last night, this guy who've I've been seeing for a few weeks now, spent hours with in his room and bed, talking and kissing, no sex, told me for now we should not continue seeing each other. He then said to give it a couple of days from our incident.

The incident was basically.. I thought we were exclusive (not in a relationship but also not seeing others) and I guess we weren't because he was okay with talking with other women and open to meeting other women. I caught him talking to a girl online, well my friend set him up to see if he would fail... I was part of it bc I have dealt with so many dishonest guys... And I don't know, I just wanted to see what would happen. I obviously have trust issues and am damaged from my prev relationship. He knows this.

However, he fell into the trap. I Called him out on it... kinda bitchy.. Like "the joke is on me, I won't stand for this, etc." and I was kinda harsh. We talked through it and he says he's not upset and understands that it's bc of my past but he felt attacked and says we shouldn't see each other for now but we can still talk. He kept texting me but then I said we shouldn't. So we said our goodbyes... Then I said if he changes his mind I like his company. His response was that he likes my company too, & he said we should give it a couple days. Is this royally messed up? I like the dude and want to see the potential... But I don't know. I don't know if I'm the unstable one and or if HE messed it up.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Neither of you handled it correctly. You both immediately went on the defense rather that rationally having an adult talk and finding common / mutual ground. My marriage would not have ever stood for 18+ years if my wife or I attacked each other every time we spoke to someone of the opposite sex. Yea I know all about trust issues having been cheated on by my first wife and my first girlfriend and she actuall got pregnant from it. But if you choose to drag that distrust around from relationship to relationship like a ball and chain I honestly don't see how you expect any different out come than you just had.

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    • He didn't just speak with someone, he was going to meet with her.
      The thing is, I thought I was in a good place. I don't even notice my trust issues until this happens. I don't get why it happened... It's not like I'm trying to be this untrusting person. I honestly don't know what to do when I feel like everyone is full of bs

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    • That's what I thought! But then he told me "I take seeing someone as a relationship and I am not in one"

    • Thank you young Lady

What Guys Said 3

What Girls Said 4

  • At that point you may be the unstable one (I've been there too). But NEVER set a guy up in that way, especially if you aren't married and suspecting he's being unfaithful. At that point it's more of a go with the flow thing. But it seems to me like the ball is in your court. You should hit him up and tell him you don't want to end it and something like that won't happen, so long as you both understand how exclusive you are (or aren't).

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  • Don't hate yourself!

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  • Did your friend initiated this chat/meet up or did he? Because there's a difference.

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    • He told me flat out he was going to

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    • He actively opened an online dating account and she sent the first message but he was the more aggressive one after that

    • And I don't know, I have guys after me all the time since I am really attractive, but I turn my face when I am going on dates with one guy because he deserves a real shot and my attention. It isn't really giving him a chance if I go out with guys all the time, I don't think

  • Sorry for saying this but i don't think it will be okey... if he changes his mind and wants to be with you and don't see other women then yeah, maybe you have a chance, but he sound the type of guy that dosn't do relatioships...

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    • So in your opinion, is that on him? Or did I behave wrongly?

    • I don't exactly know how you behave, but i think it's kinda on both of you...
      But i hope u two can work it out...

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