Bottom line: Been seeing this guy, sorta dating him for almost 9 months now and because of many abandonments and hurtful things that happened to him he isn't ready for a relationship and says for once in his life he doesn't want to be tied to someone. He says he loves hanging out with me, he buys me food a lot, the sex, my mind is most attractive to him but he refuses to call me his girlfriend because he doesn't think he can give me what I want and I've brought it up numerous times.
Do you think withholding sex will get him to step up his game? If not, what should I do?
Yea, it will probably work!
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Maybe, it could and it could not
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No, it just won't (If not please say what might?)
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It might have an effect on him but probably won't work
Want to know a reverse psychology secret? Don't make it a big deal anymore, if he won't call you his girlfriend, then tell him directly that you no longer want to be called that and it really doesn't matter anymore. He's using it as a means to be in control much like an abuser uses fear to control a person, not saying his abusive but he is controlling you knowing that it's something important you want to hear, so outwardly stop caring about it and he'll be curious as to why the change, then you can stop doing other things too, make it so you are not being taken for granted, by owning yourself more and he'll be the one with the insecurity as he loses control.
Umm I'm going through this pain right now. I'm in love with a guy who's not ready for a relationship either. I waited around for over two years and it's still not happening. I've decided I can't be his friend right now because it hurts too much.
It kinda sounds like an excuse, but assuming it not then it also sounds like you're trying to manipulate him. If you can't get what you need from him legitimately then you need to break it off with him because you're moving on, and not because you think it'll make him do what you want.
It will make him assume you are not interested anymore and he will move on.
It sounds more like your just his fuck buddy then relationship materiel. If he says he does not want a relationship now then he is not ready for one. If you push him then he will just go the other way.
He simply doesn't want a relationship and you need to respect that. Now for you, who does want one, that might mean moving on and finding someone else who wants the same thing you want. You're not going to find it here though.
It's like standing in front of a wall and asking how to open the door. There's no door there. You can't make one magically appear when he's already told you one doesn't exist.
My boyfriend is super awesome but if he had met me when I was emotionally able to be in a relationship and I told him that, he would have left since I was not able to provide the kind of relationship he was looking for. Sucks but sometimes you meet a good person at the wrong time.
Definitely not, if you choose to go this route, it'll probably make him mad and therefor will go find it elsewhere where someone won't need to withhold sex. Sucks but true, men and a lot of people in general don't like to have certain circumstances or terms. If he doesn't want a relationship only himself can change his mind. If you want one, sorry to tell you you've been wasting your time. find someone who you won't have to change their minds and instead want to actually be with you.