Guys! Would you date this girl?

hello I'm 20 and I just broke up a week ago with my first boyfriend :( it's been really hard as the breakup was unexpected, he said he cared for me but didn't love me, and it feels wrong.

i don't know where I went wrong. I was incredibly honest and loyal, got gifts, took him on holidays, massages, cooked for him all the time, played video games and music with him, supported and motivated him all the time, meet his sexual needs etc. He never once took me out to dinner during the whole relationship. When we went out to eat or buy groceries Id always make an excuse and say im not bringing my bag and give him 100 dollars so it doesn't embarrass him when I pay for everything cuz he's an alpha male type even though I'm a Uni student and working part time. I don't know what else I could've done :(
was I not good enough and will I find a better guy?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • "i don't know where I went wrong."

    I do. Your problem is quite easy to spot: you were far more invested in this relationship than he ever was. You were never his priority, and his actions (and inactions) communicated that loud and clear - you just weren't listening because you didn't want to hear what those actions were saying.

    To put it another way, you choose your guy POORLY, and then you ignored all the signs of that poor decision because you'd rather be with a guy who wasn't invested in you (and abused your giving nature financially) than to "lose him." The truth is that he did you a favor by breaking up with you, because now you are free to find a guy who will be a MUCH better match for you.

    What you REALLY need, though, is some self-esteem. You shouldn't let your relationships be so one-sided, and that should have been a big red flag for you. I'm sure you have plenty of guys who are interested in you, but the hard part, for ANYONE, is finding someone who is a GOOD MATCH. That's not easy, and it means you're going to have to pass on some great guys because they just aren't a good match for YOU. Don't let that worry you, just keep looking, and be SLOW to invest yourself emotionally in a new guy - rather, when you meet someone, ask LOTS of questions, and pay attention to the answers he gives you, and make SURE they're the answers you're looking for. If not, politely thank him and send him on his way and try the next guy. That's the process, and there are no shortcuts. You have to meet people, evaluate them, in MOST cases "cut them" or "filter them out", until you find a guy who not only likes you, but is also highly COMPATIBLE with you.

    The better choices you make in that regard, the more likely you'll have a successful relationship.

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    • :) yeah I think I settled down way too quickly :( and I was too loyal to let things go because he didn't mention anything about breaking up
      Thanks so much for your encouragement! God bless

Most Helpful Girl

  • Sounds like he was the problem, not you. Forget him, sounds like he has done you a favour because he's taken his deadbeat self out of your life to make room for someone better! Find someone who invests as much into you as you do. into him - it will be far more fulfilling.

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What Guys Said 17

  • Sorry this happened to you, it doesn't seem fair. However, one of the things you did for this guy was do too much and he took advantage of you. It's important not to pt all your cards on the table with a guy like that. Don't give more than what you get. Relationships are a place for giving by both sides and you were the one doing all the giving here and as such the relationship became lopsided. This guy here is not an alpha male, he was a douche bag, in my opinion. You do deserve better, however you have to deserve what you want. Moral of this story is learn the difference between a great guy and a jerk. My suggestion would be to study men and how they behave and how you should behave. Try reading Why men love bitches and Why men marry bitches, by Sherry Argov. Also check out these sites.

    relationshipheadquarters.com/understanding-men/

    http://www.mimitanner.com/

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    • Thanks so much for the encouragement man!! And I appreciate it
      I'll have a look at the link now :)

    • You're welcome and since you're a fine woman in my mind I'd really hate to see you turn into someone you are not because guys treat you badly for being a giver. Another Aussie named Renee Wade is good too. You can find her at thefemininewoman. com

  • He probably was putting on an act and taking advantage of you from the very beginning when you two had gotten together. Once he realized he had used you for everything he can or needed from you therefore now he wants to move on to the next person, and I think he will probably pull the same shit again on the next girl.

    Well, I say, fuck him. Don't ever take him back, it sucks he's been playing you and lying to you from day one and you hadn't realize it until it was too late. Whatever you do, do not take him back in the future otherwise it's at your own risk and may cause further emotional damage and dependence on him. Be stronger than you currently are and move forward and not think or overthink too much about what has happened in this failed relationship. It's in the past now and you cannot change it, so just let it go.

    If he had really cared at all I think he would communicated a lot better with you and be more understanding of you. But it could be that he feels there's not more he can get out of you or use you for or take advantage of you for when he already had all that done. That's probably why he kept you around and let you provide him with all the various needs whether it was emotional or physical and once it reached a point where he became bored and don't feel anything special about it anymore he probably thought that he is done with you and feel he doesn't really need you anymore.

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  • I don't think you were the issue, I think he was. You sound really smart and intelligent. I think you have a good head on your shoulders. Next time around though, try to make sure the favors in the relationship are closer to even. I feel like you over extended yourself with this guy. Now, I'm not saying till you should take out a pen and paper and keep score everytime somebody does something for the other, I'm just saying, use your brain and heart. You can tell when things are even or if you've over extended yourself.

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  • You will certainly find a much better guy, he sounds like an ignorant alpha male pretender taking advantage of you!

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  • You actually sound like a sweet girl, and I don't think I've ever said that to anyone on this site before. Not that there aren't great girls on here, it's just that 9/10 of the posts are crazy "is he cheating on me", "I hate all people with penises", "How hot am I", "Do I look hot", "Rate me out of 10", "Which of these two is hotter"...

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    • Ahhahaha aw thank u
      God bless :)

  • I don't think that an alpha male never takes you out to dinner, that's not an alpha male to me

    Yes I'd date you for sure. You'd teach me how to cook, so I can surprise you with a home made dinner with candles every once in a while

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    • Awwww wow ur such a sweet guy! Hahaa lucky girl whoever dates you
      God bless!

    • If someone really loves you, and is a gentleman, he will return the favor, and do things for you on his own.
      Else I think there should be signals that should scream to you to leave him

  • Sounds like you were too good. You'll easily find a better guy. Just let the pain pass.

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  • You're for sure "can grow old with" type of girl
    You'll find someone better and someone who deserves you 💁

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  • Yes I would date a girl like that, but I do not want her to cook for me always. I want to cook for her as well.

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  • Sounds like he was a bum.. i would say he was beneath you.

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  • All that sounds great! Maybe he just wasn't ready?

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  • You sound awesome. Why you got to be in Australia?

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    • Hahahaha that's so sweet of u! XD God bless

  • No..

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  • You did way too much for him. Eventually he took you for granted and it got boring.

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  • you just broke up a week ago and you are already looking for new guys hmm makes a man think.

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    • Not looking for new guys. Wondering if there are better people out there. Plus he broke up with me not the other way around. I'm not going to keep begging him back cos he doesn't give a shit.

  • its okay, just move on. Guys are big pussies these days

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What Girls Said 2

  • You sounds like you tired everything you could to please this guy! Its about time you found someone who would take care of you!

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  • honey, you need to love yourself!
    he was taking advantage of you and any man would if you gave him all your time and life.. for your information men like girls who ignore them once in awhile you shouldn't really give your all in a relationship.

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