Boyfriend does not like sleeping in the same bed with me?

So I have started spending time at my bfs house, and I slept over a few times, and has expressed as much as he loves me staying over. He does not sleep well when I am sleeping next to him. I asked him and he says that's just it, there is nothing to it. Also when he stays at me, he does not sleep in the same bed as me. I can;t help but feel not wanted. Guys has that ever been an issue for you, and why is that so?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • What you describe is nothing out of the ordinary. People often sleep best under the conditions they are most used to.

    What he's actually telling you is that he is not used to having someone else in bed while he sleeps. Thus, minor disturbances like you shifting, making noises... etc, prevents him from getting rest. There is also the other issue where he is trying to lie perfectly still and motionless so that he does not disturb YOU. The anxiety of thinking he needs to be quiet and motionless when you're sleeping next to him can actually prevent him from sleeping.

    Do you guys nap together? Often, people don't care if the other person is shifting around or making noise during daytime naps. It might be a starting point, so that he gets used to someone else in the bed.

    I used to have problems sleeping next to my wife, when we first met. I normally move around a lot before I can fall asleep. When she started sleeping over, I felt like I couldn't move around like I normally do. Years later, I no longer care and will make all the noise and movement I want. I can sleep fine with her now. In fact, when she is travelling and away from home, the bed feels very cold and lonely and I have trouble sleeping without her mouth-breathing noises.

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    • We cuddle, but not for long because he says he feels hot.

Most Helpful Girl

  • Just believe him. It happens all the time. I don't even sleep as well when I'm over at my guys place. It's totally normal, especially for people who are used to sleeping on their own. Having someone else is a totally different experience, there is the issue of body heat, any noise the partner makes while sleeping, movements while sleeping, and a bunch of other things that don't mean he doesn't want you. If this really is a problem, ask if he would be willing to do so on the weekends when he doesn't have to get up for work, so you guys can practice sleeping together

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What Guys Said 17

  • Bummer, spend some time with him trying to figure out why. It could be comfort, psychological, the bed is cheap and creates motion, etc.. see good points below from the jesskah. You can always make that work, but if you want to cuddle up and snuggle, then yea, this isn't gonna work is it?
    I know of women who bail out to separate beds because hubby snores so loud... it happens to others.

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  • Oh yes i can relate to this one, i might end up being the same infact my parents are just like that. Sleep is important and i am that person who needs no distractions in order to fall asleep. Once i am asleep ill sleep quite deeply but slight snoring or loud breathing will only get on my nerves.

    This is absolutely nothing about you, he loves you and its not that he doesn't want you. He wants his night rest and your natural sounds might disturb that.

    For me personally ill spend at least the evening next to her and around her. But if it turns out that every night she keeps me awake and only makes me annoyed sleeping separate doesn't have to be such a bad option.

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  • Maybe he's just so used to sleeping in his own bed and it's become part of his comfort zone, and therefore when he's sleeping in a different bed it's not comfortable to him or something. It must be some psychological thing going on with him and maybe he has problems expressing and explaining clearly to you why he doesn't like sleeping in the same bed with you. Or maybe he rather not explain it because he doesn't feel comfortable to explain it to you and that he might feel embarrassed by whatever reason it may be that he has trouble sleeping in the same bed with you.

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  • That has never been an issue with me. I want to sleep with the one I love. While actually asleep, we often each need our own space, but we will still be pretty close and in the same bed.

    It might be that he is used to having the bed to himself and it will take a while to get used to that. But it was never a problem for me. I was happy to share my bed with her completely from the first time.

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  • He's probably just a light sleeper, and any movement or noise keeps him up. Thats a bummer, but either you're gonna have to be okay sleeping in separate beds, or try a double bed with 2 separate matrasses, thats what my girl and i do, yet i always sleep in the middle :)

    or he'll have be accept being tired a lot, maybe he can just stay up and be productive until he's actually sleepy enough to go to bed.

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  • Do you practice dream karate? I had a girl wants to just could not stop moving and fidgeting in her sleep and it would keep me up all night. My solution was to fall asleep bear hugging her so she couldn't punch me in the face anymore and that seemed to work lol

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    • I think you brought up a very good point. I will ask him how I sleep, maybe I toss too much, I know I like sleeping on his chest. I don't think I snore, but I will ask him

    • You sleep on his chest? Maybe he can't breath! Lol

    • Haha, good one

  • It sounds like he is not used to sleeping with someone on the same bed. It might sound silly but it is true. Another person on the bed changes the slant of it. If you move in your sleep it might wake him up. It could be a lot of things. Most poeple have to get used to sleeping with someone else in the same bed. Give him time and understanding.

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  • Oh god yes. I am so warm blooded the way it is and she's all wrapped up next to me. I'm hot and start to sweat and be uncomfortable lol. There's no taking off anything cuz I already am usually in the nude when I sleep. It can be a pain at first no lie but it's nothing you do. Its something he has to get used to and if he's been single awhile it will take awhile longer. He might sleep in a different bed because he wants a good night sleep for the day tomorrow. Maybe he has a long day ahead of him? I don't know thats why I'd leave.

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  • I went through this. It is hard to adjust to sleeping with someone else. It was hard for me when i first met my wife, i spent our first few nights without sleep. Just let him get used to it

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  • you might be having bad breath and it kills him, or he just isn't used to sleep with someone on the same bed.

    I think the bad breath issue is huge and common.

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  • Sounds like you have an "emotional empath."

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    • I read up on it, he probably is

  • Are your beds at least Queen in size? It may be the beds are just too small and cramped.

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    • His is a king, mines is a queen.

    • Jeeze, that sucks! I always get a better sleep when I am with my SO. I thought maybe if the beds where too small, that might be it. Don't think it is because he doesn't want you, there must be something more related to sleeping habits or his personal comfort level. Do you snore or anything? Maybe it is too hot and not comfortable?

    • Yes I think so too

  • Some people just have trouble sleeping with someone else in the bed. I know I sleep better without someone else in the room, unless I just had sex with them, in which case I sleep like a baby.

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  • That is weird. The best part of sex is cuddling afterward and going to sleep together.

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  • Space and heat. Only two reasons I would ditch my girlfriend.

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  • Well first you should learn to write then come back when you know how because I read some of the question and it did not make sense

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    • So why answer, and English is not my first language. I am French

    • You're incredibly rude. I don't know if you've noticed but your grammar is not that great either.

  • I know women have a thing about intimacy and sharing a bed. To be honest I personally feel uncomfortable at times sharing a bed with a girl. There was one girl I dated last fall and just could NOT SLEEP when she shared her bed. It was too small, her body was too warm and it was darn uncomfortable. After a night of heavy drinking and hard sex I decided to sleep on her coach. I get worked up about snoring (not her) or other involuntarily bodily functions going awry while sharing a bed. Also seeing each other with bedhead and/or bad breath in the morning doesn't sound appealing either.

    WIth that said if I ever get married and/or serious sleeping in separate beds is going to be very problematic. I would have to get a king sized bed or something (remember the 50s separate beds?)

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What Girls Said 4

  • It seems tha the is so used to Being in his own Bed all of these years, Sleeping with just him, He is not Ready nor Raring to give it up just Yet.. It could be too a Privacy thing.
    Give him some time. If you both should ever tie the knot someday, Before you walk down the aisle and toss the bouquet, Make Sure he is a Ready Eddy to 'Toss' his 'Own side' and be Beside you, Till death do you both part.
    It could have a lot to do also Subconsciously of Total Commitment with Two Makes One as a Pair to Share.
    Good luck. xx

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  • I had a boyfriend say the same thing to me. I felt exactly how you felt, unwanted. Some people truly do not like sleeping with other people. They just have a hard time sharing a bed. Perhaps you move around when you sleep or maybe he just doesn't like having someone else in his space when he's sleeping.

    A lot of couples sleep in separate beds, so don't feel too bad.

    I guess the only thing you can do is gauge on how he treats you outside of sleeping. If the relationship is otherwise great, then I wouldn't worry too much.

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  • My boyfriend hates sleeping with me too lol he says I'm a human furnace. Don't take it personally. I love sleeping with him but truth me told I do get a much better sleep when I sleep alone. It's just preference. How long have you two been together? If it's still new, just give him time to get used to sleeping with someone again and don't over stop your boundaries. Let him invite you for sleepovers etc.

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    • The relationship is 6 months old, and he normally asks to leave to sleep on the other bed, or ask me if I am staying over, then suggests he will sleep better if I leave, but he will not mind me staying. I use to feel bad but after reading the comments I realize it is not a big deal as I thought. I will have a talk with him about it.

    • I've been with mine for almost a year and we've just come to the conclusion we sleep better alone. No big deal. We'll still have sleepovers but we usually do it on the weekends when neither of us have to be up early. Or we'll make sure I bring my fan over to make it more comfortable haha

    • Good idea thank you for your input, it really is not a big deal as I initially thought

  • He needs his space

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    • We spoke about getting married, how will that work out if he feels that way about sleeping next to me

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    • @Collegedude54 smh I am not signing up for that, thanks for the input

    • I'm here for you 😋

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