Would you ever date someone who didn't want the same things as you in life?

I have a friend i like.. i did ask her out once but she had someone else she liked.. was dating him but didn't last long. I have been thinking of asking her out agin since were closer and get along very will.. and everyone says we would be the perfect couple. But yea doesn't wanna have kids and i want 1 of my own. She perfect ok with adopting kids but does not wanna go through the pain of having a kid. I fine with adpoting a kid becuase its something i always wanted to do but still want a kid of my own.


0|0
11|13

Most Helpful Girl

  • Date? Sure, go have fun. Become boyfriend /girlfriend with? No. Its tough to hear, but you will save yourself heartache and future divorce. You want your own kid... and that is totally different from adoption. If you date her and fall in love, you will be struck with a strong desire for you two to have a child together... as in part of you and part of her creating life. And the fact that she says she's "open" to adoption means she really doesn't want kids. Yes, people can chose adoption for moral or human rights reason, but someone like that would react differently than what it sounds like she did. That person would say, "absolutely, I want kids, but I want to adopt." The reality is that she really doesn't want them or is undecided and doesn't know how to say that.

    I used to say that I wanted to adopt because I didn't want to carry one. Then my current relationship really made me sit down and think about it. I realized I don't want kids and used adoption as an excuse. Because as a woman, we're expected to want kids. And if we realize its not for us, we get looked down on... so have to come up with excuses or say, "I don't know. Maybe someday." But its all a lie.

    If you feel so uncertain about it that you need advice... that's your gut telling you its not going to work. Its painful, it sucks, but you both need someone with similar life values. That perfect woman is out there for you. So try not to feel discouraged 😊

    1|1
    0|0

What Girls Said 10

  • I don't think so. I'm open to adopting or giving birth but I wouldn't date someone who didn't want any kids at all, there's no point. At some point, we'll either have to drop the relationship or have one person living out a life they didn't really want.

    0|1
    0|0
    • No she wants kids but doesn't wanna have any if her own. And i agree

  • Absolutely not, I did this and realized there's absolutely no future with them. Kids especially are a huge deal to consider, if someone doesn't agree with you on this, there's really no point in considering to date them again.

    1|1
    0|0
    • I was hooing she change her mind since she onky 20 years old... we get along. So will

  • Honestly? If you want different things your setting yourselves up for failure - either the relationship isn't gonna last and you'll both end up hurt and having wasted your time on one another instead of being out there looking for a better match, or you'll stay together and resent each other.

    0|1
    0|0
    • yea the only diffent thing is the kid thing but your also very right. one girl told me she wants a very big house aka rich life and u just want a simple kife.

    • The kid thing is kiiiinda major.

    • Very true

  • I did it once. I dated a guy that had one very different value from me, and though we had an awesome relationship and it ended on great terms, our one difference made a big impact on our relationship, and now I'd like to find someone with the same values. Sure, you can be different from me. In fact, I'd prefer we weren't carbon copies of each other, but I think everyone has a few central values that are really important to find in a partner, and it could cause problems later on, even if things seem great now. But it's ultimately up to you.

    1|0
    0|0
  • Yea I totally would, it would make room for very interesting and maybe intense conversations and debates.

    0|1
    0|0
  • That's a huge difference. You'll be sorry if you get into something with her if she does not want to ever give birth and you want a kid of your own. Don't assume you'll change her mind (although there's a small possibility she could). I don't think it's a great idea.

    And I was scared as hell to actually have a kid too but I did it anyway and wouldn't have it any other way. Millions of women do it everyday and we survived. It's raising them that's the challenge, not the birth!

    0|1
    0|0
  • NO, don't do it I dated someone for almost 4 months and we had a lot in common but had different lifestyles and it was horrible.

    0|1
    0|0
    • 4 months is still something

    • Show All
    • Nah it was bad. We were just good friends who fucked well... not a good base for a relationship

    • Awww sre u still friends?

  • I couldn't do that I would want to have my own kid stuff like that I could do it

    0|1
    0|0
  • yeah if i love him so much i would do what he wants us to do :) it's just me

    0|1
    0|0
  • You're thinking wayyyy too far ahead lol

    0|0
    0|0

What Guys Said 13

  • If she gets an epidural she won't feel much of anything. Problem solved, with the pain of giving birth. The women I've spoken to about epidural anesthesia were glad it didn't hurt and it worked for them. However if she is being honest it will work for her, also if she has concerns of any kind about using an epidural she can discuss it with a doctor if that is her only hang up on long term dating and it leading to an exclusive relationship.

    0|1
    0|0
    • There's the whole 9 months of pregnancy leading up to childbirth too ya know... that's no walk in the park! Lots of women don't want to do it, myself included.

    • Show All
    • I just really don't want em. My sister in law has 4 and couldn't be happier. Different strokes for different folks. Literally everything about pregnancy is unappealing to me. For other women it's magical.

    • @Sara413 Yeah that's true. :) I have seen you post before about not wanting kids, so I was just curious. I'm glad you explained this to me, it's an interesting perspective that I often considered, yet women around me love having kids so I had no first hand knowledge of this. Thank you for taking the time, to let me know your side of things. :)

  • you are ok so far with her. glad you are thinking and not just reacting to emotions. Keep digging for compatibility. Just because she doesn't want oen doesn't mean one isn't going to show up:)

    Are there other reasons she doesn't want kids though... like you don't want to be the sole person raising the child. Keep getting to know her.

    0|1
    0|0
    • Dude, being with her and hoping she'll change her mind or hoping for a happy "accident" is a really terrible idea...

    • Show All
    • She might... But a relationship should not be built around the hope of someone changing.

    • Just pain from what i known

  • Well, I don't think it would work. Those things must be taken in consideration. The equals attract themselves, not the opposites. So I don't think it would be a good idea.

    0|1
    0|0
  • I would first look at the options who knows you may find the kid who can fullfil both wants. Plus kids are expensive.

    0|1
    0|0
  • Not if they were big things. Like if she didn't want kids I don't think I could be with her...

    0|1
    0|0
  • I'd be worried if someone wanted the same things in life as me.

    0|1
    0|0
  • Me personally I wouldn't even ask her out again, if she ends up having feeling for you then that's fine but let her come to you. You've already been rejected once. You also shouldn't pursue her because she doesn't wanna birth any children which is something you want and that's not something people discuss things over because they're usually set on that kinda thing. Don't waste your time man, there's plenty of women out there that want what you want.

    1|0
    0|0
    • She did once and were just close friends now

    • Show All
    • I said yea she rejected me but were just close friends now

    • I think one rejection is enough dude. But the fact of the matter is that she doesn't want biological children and you do. Get out of la la land and realize she isn't for you know matter how perfect you think she is, not wanting children is one of the biggest dealbreaker when it comes to relationships. It's probably the reason why she doesn't wanna date you. She ain't the only girl you could possibly develop a close bond with

  • If you're ready to play Dating on hard mode...

    0|1
    0|0
  • I don't if I really like then yes I would but if not then I probably would end the relationship

    0|1
    0|0
  • date her for one night.

    problem solved.

    0|0
    0|0
  • the other guy she liked is more handsome than u are and she won't date u because of that

    0|0
    0|0
  • its not really a good idea to

    0|0
    0|0
  • I have to because nobody wants what I want, so it's either that or just not date.

    0|1
    0|0
Loading...