Boyfriend wants to take me to New York on my birthday, BUT he expects me to pay for half of the trip?

We both make minimum wage $10/hour. He says that originally he wanted to surprise me and pay for all of the trip but because he couldn't save that much because he was unemployed for 3 months, he says that he has no choice but to tell me so I can contribute to my own birthday "gift" which is in 7 months. He says that if we both save up to $3000 that will be enough for a 4 star hotel, non stop flights, and fancy restaurants for 11 days. I live with my single mother and I have to pay $200 a month for bills, $150 a month for transportation, $50 a month for my own cell phone bills. I only make around 800-850 a month after taxes. He makes the same as me but he gets tips sometimes and he doesn't have to pay a lot for his rent because he lives with his parents who makes more money than my mom. Plus he doesn't have to pay for transportation because he works in a place that's walking distance from his house. He literally doesn't need to spend much money on bills and stuff. I told him that if we're going to have the most fun I think we should at least choose less fancier options but he says he wants it to be most comfortable for me. How can I be comfortable if I'm saving up money for my own birthday present that he's giving to me? I feel like since he brought up this trip first that he should contribute at least more than me right? I feel like I'm not being treated, that it's the other way around. What do you guys think?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • I was feeling for you as you described your financial position and how you tried to talk your boyfriend into spending less.

    But then when you started saying shit like "I feel like I'm not being treated"... my opinion changed. Because of that I think you're being an entitled bitch.

    Here's the thing. You guys aren't doing well financially. That's ok, it's just part of life. Fortunes come and fortunes go. Today you're on minimum wage, next year, you could be doing much better. The important thing is that you guys are doing this together. You're going through the rough times together so that you can build on a better future together. This is what being a real partner is about.

    It's not like he's doing really well financially and is still asking you to contribute. He's in the same boat as you, and he only wants to create an awesome memory with you, and for you. He was even honest about his abilities and his financial position and tried to give you advanced notice, so that you can prepare.

    This is time for you to reflect on yourself for a bit. Are you his ride or die bitch, or are you just a bitch? Because I can tell you now, if you aren't willing to ride through the bad moments of life together with him as a partner, you shouldn't expect to still have a spot by his side and stay as his partner when his fortunes turn around.

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    • Are you kidding me? I'm not being an entitled bitch because I at least know that since both of us make minimum wage jobs we cannot dream of going to 4 star hotels and other fancy places. He expects me to pay for a trip that he wants to go to on my birthday but is trying to pass it off as my birthday present. If anything, I feel like he's taking advantage of me for a cheaper trip to NYC

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    • I never expected him to treat me. I already told him that If he wants to go on the trip himself he can go alone because I simply cannot afford that. If I made the same amount of money as him and I didn't have so many burden I would consider paying half.

Most Helpful Girl

  • He doesn't have as many expenses doesn't mean he's loaded. Maybe he's got something planned for you while you're there.

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    • I just don't understand why I'm saving up everything for this trip that's supposed to be my present and a trip that I don't really want in the first place? Like really? I mean yeah he's not loaded but he's the one who mentioned this trip in the first place yet expects me to pay for half of it? Wtf?

    • So tell him you don't want to go and you'd rather do something more affordable

What Guys Said 4

  • Christ sake woman. If you're not feeling it, tell him. No need to be so passive. It's not agreeable, therefore, you have these things called words, which you use to tell him, 'no I don't want this'. We can find some compromise, or we're not going, END OF!

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    • Also, there's this thing called maximising utility in economics. Basically, as every person has limited resources to some degree, it means that they have to place their spending in the things that are most important to them. 3000$ is a lot of money to someone who doesn't seem to be earning that much. Do you actually want to go or not?

    • I want to save up so I can buy a car or something important I need. I want to go but I'm worse off than him to begin with yet he expects me to pay half of the expenses when it's supposed to be a gift for me. I don't mind paying but I should at least pay less than him right?

    • Yes, but it all comes down to the same thing. You need to communicate with him. I presume you haven't. I presume the reason you haven't is because you feel like it is socially wrong to essentially ask for money. There is literally nothing wrong with that statement you just made. Tell him exactly how you told me. You know that direct thing that you did with me, you know, where you were honest... that's the kind of shit you need to be doing with your boyfriend :P

      Also, it's not like you're asking for money, you're just not happy to go under those terms. I think your boyfriend is a bit doltish yes, he should know your position, he should know it's your birthday. He could at least offer to pay the entirety of the expensive thing, flights, accommodation, what have you, going double dutch seems crude. But what do I know, I'm perpetually single, so.

      I'M TOO SANE TO BE IN A RELATIONSHIP! :P

  • Maybe he has good intentions, but no this isn't right. You can't expect someone to pay for their own present. Especially not when it's that much. You have to tell him that you can't afford it and that you'll have to do something else for your birthday and that's that. If you pay for your own trip, then he hasn't really given you anything. He bought a trip for himself and let you go with him on your own expense... This trip seems to be more about him really wanting to travel and less about your birthday.

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  • wtf do you need a 4star hotel for in NYC... do you plan to travel to a new city just to stay inside your hotel?

    c'mon.

    100/night is the cheapest you're gonna find.

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    • Exactly!! I told him that we do not need to pay 160-200 a night for a place to stay but he says he wants to make the trip as comfortable for me as possible. I feel like it's not going to make me comfortable as I'm literally saving all my money on this trip for 7 months.

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    • Also, making statements with your girlfriend's money, again, stupid. Not listening to what your girlfriend actually wants, and buying yourself a birthday present on her birthday, again stupid. Fuck me man. Human species, doomed. DOOMED!

    • Also, being passive to blockhead boyfriend. Jesus.

  • That's fucked up lol, this is supposed on b a present for you but you are paying for half of it 😂😭😭, I don't know what to tell you, is he a nie guy

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    • Id rather him make me something for my birthday rather than having me save my entire paychecks for a trip to New York on MY birthday

What Girls Said 2

  • Tell him to get you something he can afford.

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    • I told him I just want to spend my birthday in LA (where we currently live) but he wants to spend it with me in NYC

  • That's pretty ridiculous lol

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    • I just don't know how to feel because during his unemployment I was the one paying for his meals and stuff even when they were expensive. I told him that if I'm going to save all my paychecks for the trip that's happening in 7 months I have to not pay for anytime we go out because I won't have any money left. But he still insists on me paying at least one time a month, whereas he''ll still have 450 to spend for himself. I feel like that's a total turnoff and am considering dumping him.

    • You probably should. That's just incredibly selfish.

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