Lost my ovaries at 23 how to deal with dating?

I recently had both my ovaries removed due to bengin tumours they managed to freeze some eggs but it is highly unlikely I will be able to have a biological child. I have gone into menopause and have to wear clear patches on my skin for hormones all the time. I'm 23. Any advice on how and when to explain this to a guy? And if you are a guy would you stay with a girl like this? And would the fact that she has gone into menopause make her unattractive to you? would the patches freak you out? Thanks for any advice :)


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Most Helpful Guy

  • I think there are a fair number of guys who don't want kids, so that shouldn't be too big a problem. Just be honest about it.

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    • I really want kids though so I'd probably want to try getting donor eggs (my sister said she'd give me some) or adopt-do you think guys who want kids will want to agree to try going through that with me? Or would they just not want to be involved?

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    • I know that lots of couples have problems with fertility, I am worried though that that's something couples experience together rather than in my situation where they would have to choose to deal with the problem?

    • I see your point; it is much easier to deal with if you are with someone with whom you are in a committed relationship, as opposed to meeting a new potential partner. But as I said there are a lot of people out there, so I'm sure there are plenty of guys willing to deal with that.

Most Helpful Girl

  • I know so many intelligent, desirable guys who would not care at all. They have absolutely no interest in having children, now or ever. In a way, a girlfriend with no ovaries is a dream girl for a guy like that, since most women are very motivated to bear children at some point. If you mean that you want to find a guy who is okay with adopting down the line, that's a more advanced conversation.

    I'd say just find a good guy you can be open with, who is understanding and thoughtful, and be honest. Good luck. :)

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    • Yeah the problem is I do really want to have children so I would have to find a guy that wants them and is willing to take the gamble on me to try and do ivf with donor eggs that might not work/the eggs that I had frozen. I just don't think a guy that wants kids will stay with me :(

    • Well it's always a gamble. Truth be told. So I wouldn't worry too much. And anyway young guys really, really aren't very fixated on families and childrearing. :) A good guy will be there for the entire ride, no matter where the road takes you.

What Guys Said 5

  • I personally would like to have kids but if I truly love someone I wouldn't care if she's not able to have kids. But I'm sure ivf would work for you, just don't stress about it and believe in God (even if you are not a religious person).

    But if you are worried on how to break it to him, I'll suggest you putt the patch somewhere visible so he asks about it.

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  • Eh... that's an hard one. I think there is no right answer here. I would say that probably the best solution is to tell the truth in early dates, just not the very first one.
    In other words, give him some times to get interested in you, but not so much that if it is a deal breaker for him you will already be in love with him and get crushed.

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    • Do you think it would also change how attractive a guy would see me? I feel like a guy would see me as an old woman :( especially having to have the patches on

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    • Thanks for your opinion, yeah I meant physically attractive because I feel like I am almost like a trick I look young but really am dealing with all the problems of a 60year old woman like menopause and stuff. And you have to always have these patches on I feel like it will be awkward :/

    • Honestly I think that's a problem only a woman can understand.

  • I might want to have kids of my own one day so I'd be disappointed if a girl I liked was in your situation but I'd definitely still date and even marry her

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  • "Had ovarian cancer and got no ovaries. You can go in raw!"

    Great selling point.

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  • I could still date someone like that

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What Girls Said 3

  • I'm sorry to hear that. You should probably explain it to him a couple of dates in. The sooner, the better, so that he'll get a good understanding of you and your condition right off the bat.

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    • I agree the sooner the better, I don't want to lie to anyone, but I'm worried if I told him straight away it would mean that he wouldn't see me as a proper woman and therefore wouldn't find me physically attractive :(

    • If he doesn't see you as a "proper woman" because of something that's out of your control, then he's not even worth being with.

  • OMG My heart goes out to you. <3

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    • Might I ask if you still have your uterus, or have you had to have a full hysterectomy?

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    • Yeah I think that of the frozen ones there is an overal 50% chance optimistically of getting one baby? It hard because I feel like I'd be asking the guy to take the gamble with me?

    • If the guy loves you enough as am sure he will, then he will do anything at all to make this happen.
      God I do feel so terribly sorry for you.

  • I honestly think that it will not be much of a problem because if a man truly loves you he will see it as impossible to go through marriage and building a family without you by his side.
    Everybody is replaceable but some people are not.
    I guess that he would accept alternative ways to start a family with you e. g. adoption, etc.
    This is a so delicate issue to talk about and it can let one quiet disappointed at times, so don't expose yourself unless you are really really sure he means a lot to you and you would take it further with him. In that case be sincere with him from the start.

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