Could you date a past cheater?

Let suppose you meet someone who had a wife/husband in the past. They admit to you that they cheated on them because some time within the the marriage, their partner became too neglectful of their sexual needs and even when they tried talking to them about it, or tried to correct the problem it didn't work. They didn't divorce the person at the time because it would ruin them financially. Several months after many attempts at trying to salvage their sex life, they separated and are now looking for another love interest.
Could you date a past cheater?
Under these conditions, would you consider dating someone who only cheated because their partner was neglectful of their sexual needs?

  • Yes
    18% (12)35% (18)25% (30)Vote
  • No
    82% (54)65% (34)75% (88)Vote
And you are? I'm a GirlI'm a Guy

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Most Helpful Guy

  • "or tried to correct the problem it didn't work."
    -Bullshit. If correcting the problem doesn't work, leave. No reason to cheat.
    So no, I would not date them

    "because it would ruin them financially"
    -Oh boo fucking hoo. So money is more important than dignity?

    And how did you separate, if it could have "hurt" your financial situation?

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What Guys Said 21

  • I dated someone under those conditions in 1979-1980, Pat had divorced her husband because of his neglect. We dated for 6 months, then we lived together. I fell in love with her but she didn't fall in love with me. She went back to her ex because she felt guilty about what she had done.

    Reuniting with her ex-husband did not work for the same reasons that it didn't work the first time, so she divorced him again. Five years later Pat came to visit me while I was in law school. She was en route back to New York to be near her mother. She spent the night with me. The next morning, I asked her to stay with me but she wanted to go back to New York. Two years later, I received a letter from Pat telling me that she had gotten married again, was pregnant with her first child, and she finally had the happiness she had always wanted.

    In 2003, I separated from my wife and filed for divorce. I started trying to find Pat. I remembered her mother's name and the town where she lived, so I got an address for her mom and sent a letter to Pat at that address.

    Pat's mom had died several years before 2003 and the people at the address I used were not related. However, the postman remembered that Pat's mom had a sister who lived in the next town and he delivered the letter to Pat's aunt, who eventually delivered the letter to Pat.

    A few months after writing the letter, I received a phone call from Pat. It had been 18 years since we had last spoken. We soon were emailing every day and talking on the phone a few times per week. Pat was also in the process of a divorce, she had two children, and the three of them were living by themselves in a big house in upstate New York. We decided that I would visit Pat at Thanksgiving so I got on a plane and went to see her.

    Pat needed someone to make her feel loved and I was the man who could do that. I visited again at Christmas and she visited me in Florida during Spring Break. Pat moved to Florida that summer and we were married in January, 2005. I bought a nice house for Pat, her 2 kids, and me to live in and everything was great.

    I got laid off from my job late in 2006. A few weeks later, Pat announced that if I didn't have a job to support her, there was no reason for her to stay married to me. I also learned that she had cheated on me. . . with another woman.

    Would I do this again? Probably not, because I am older and wiser than I was when I did all of these things. Experience is a horribly effective teacher.

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  • First of all, she's a cheater.
    Second, she tries to put on the blame on her ex.
    And third, she just stayed with him for the money, cause she didn't want to face financial difficulties.

    This woman sounds like a complete cunt hahahah Hell no, I'm not marrying that thing XD

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  • Cheaters always have an excuse like that for cheating. If someone does something wrong, and can't even admit they were at fault, but instead blame the person they wronged that shows a huge flaw in their character. They will eventually do the same to you, because instead of trying to work things out, or call it quits, they will use that same mindset to justify cheating on you, and you will be the next person they are complaining about that neglected them even if you were doing most of the work in the relationship.

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  • I'e heard this story in real life and I've seen it while they are still married!

    I said yes, saying no would infer that person is permanently damaged which is not fair. But, I would have much deeper discussions with them and would want to see that they rose above this, healed, and see emotional progress that says they wouldn't do that again.

    When we (male or female) give our love, we/I want that to be to that person and cheating, hurts, so noone wants that.

    This relationship would get more scrutiney than others...

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  • Nope.

    1. I would never date a divorced woman or a single mom.

    2. She seems to be justifying the fact she cheated like it's no big deal.

    3. She stayed with a man she was cheating on so she could continue to benefit from his financial support.

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  • All I heard is that it was easier to cheat on her partner, than do the right thing and leave him. What's to make me believe she won't find and equally justifiable reason to her for cheating on me?

    "I just don't love him anymore" *cheats
    "I'm bisexuals and he won't have a threesome with me. My sexual needs aren't being met because of it" *cheats*
    "He doesn't give me enough attention because he's working" *cheats"

    Laws favor women in the courts. If she chose to get a divorce it would not ruin her and anything hard she has to deal with, would be worth it in order to get out of that relationship. She could have simply gone through separation, without divorce.

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  • If she stayed with him for financial reasons (temporarily hopefully) I'd understand maybe. If she cheated because she morally thought it wasn't a big deal then no I wouldn't. Trusting a person in that way is very important for me and cheating in the past undermines trust in my opinion. I think it depends on the case and person though too. Generally no though.

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  • Ya potentially, people really do change guys

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  • Absolutely not. If they did it once, there's a good chance they'll do it again. People who cheat need to be "looked after." You're pressured into meeting their needs 24/7. Too much stress if you ask me.

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  • if she┬┤s totally honest about it towards me and seems to regret it/ being wiser than that now, than i would.

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  • I'm not sure. I don't believe so.

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  • no... i won't date

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  • If she was a woman, then yes, maybe I would, since I don't ever get any women at all.

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  • Yes as long as the sex was good...

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  • A because I won't rule it out. Pretty likely that I would not, but the chance is there.

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  • To much of a trust issue here. Highly unlikely I will get involved.

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  • Nope never.

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  • I would day a cheater but only to make them fall in love with me and cheat on them.

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  • Nope, If they have done it once they will do it again!

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  • No, I might be willing to date someone who cheated in the past but not if it was just because "their partner became too neglectful of their sexual needs"

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  • Hell no. I will never date a slut. Even under those conditions, she still cheated like a slut. I would never be with a girl who's like that.

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What Girls Said 15

  • No. Being neglectful is not an excuse to cheat. If your partner neglects you, you have to talk things out with them and try to solve the issues. If that doesn't work, then you have to get a divorce. Cheating is never a justified option and I think that anyone who cheats lacks backbone. They often also lack communication skills since they apparently would rather fuck someone else than talk things through. It says a lot about what kind of person they are and I would never be with someone like that, even if they claim that they have "changed". I could never trust them fully.

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  • That's a bullshit excuse for cheating. If you aren't happy then LEAVE. Don't cheat. Cheating is for cowards. So the answer is a definite, no.

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  • probably not.

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  • Yea I would. Just because the person cheated in the past doesn't necessarily mean he's gonna cheat on me too, especially if it happened only in one of their previous relationships. I don't judge people based on a single mistake they made a long time ago.

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  • Once a cheater always a cheater. No thanks

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  • No because you know the saying if they've done it once, they'll do it again. I wouldn't cheat with a married man for example, chances are if he leaves his wife for me and we get married, he might end up doing the same thing to me. Plus I have trust issues already, if I knew my boyfriend had cheated on me, or has before I wouldn't be able to trust him so I'd have to break up with him. After all you need trust in a relationship.

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  • I would give them a chance but if I know early on that I'm not meeting their needs and they aren't respecting mine, I'd ditch them. It really depends on the needs they have. Like 5-6 times a week like my ex is ridiculous, I'm not doing that.

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  • Ugh no, especially if they're blaming their ex for it. Blaming your own shittiy actions on another shows that you did not learn from your mistakes and are likely to pull that shit again.

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  • Their spots don't change

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  • No, I'd not date. If he did in the past so it is more possible to do in the future. (And if their partner was neglectful of their sexual needs, then why he didn't break up or divorce rather than cheating?)

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  • Not a chance in hell. I despise cheaters and I don't think cheating is ever justifiable, not even in this situation.

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  • Never. I don't believe people can change.

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  • NO Once a cheater always a cheater.
    A leopard never changes it's spots.

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  • I would never date a known cheater.

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  • I'm sorry but if you couldn't wait for the divorce, to become final, then you have no real self control. I would never marry or even date a past cheater.

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