He cheated, what do I do?

3 months into our relationship, currently still dating... I was in Orlanda and my boyfriend and his friend were at his house drinking, which at the time I was okay with because I trusted he wouldn't do anything dumb while drinking. Well, I woke up to a bunch of drunk texts, some made me smile bc they were cute but then I got a weird feeling. I've never done this bc I know it's wrong, but I logged into his snapchat, he gave me the password awhile back. I saw that he sent this to a girl I had previously been friends with, he wasn't close w/ her but the friend he was drinking with knew her. He said, "please don't tell my girlfriend what I did, it would kill her. I'm so in love with her and it was a drunken mistake. I want to make her happy. I'm sorry." I called the girl, asked her what happened. She said he sent dick pics and asked her for nudes, but she never sent any back and told him he should stop bc of me. My boyfriend was still passed out, so I sent him tons of texts to wake up to. Later that day, we talked. I forgave him. He told me he'd earn my trust back. We've been dating for about 8 months now, and things have changed since then. I feel like I don't trust him as much, and I'm more aware of what's going on. Which isn't healthy. I worry a lot when he's with his guy friends about what he's doing, but we've both agreed that he wouldn't be drinking, unless him and I were both to go to a party. Is that wrong? I just need advice.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • that is a good idea drinking together, because doing it separate can lead to problems when he might be a in a mood and your not around.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • That's why I can't forgive someone who's cheated or give them a second chance. I'll always have that mentality of when he's going to cheat again, is he with someone else etc. Its never the same again. That's just my opinion. But you gave him a second chance so I'd say stick to it.

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    • So far the second chance has been going good. I know we're both not the kind of people to just go hangout with the other sex lol, not bc we've set rules but bc we like having his guy time and my girl time. As long as we're not doing anything to hurt the other.

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    • No proble. Best of luck 😊

    • *problem

What Guys Said 2

  • I'm usually pretty strict of cheating. But what he did in my opinion wasn't cheating. It was dumb mistake he made by an underage guy under the influence of alcohol. YOU then forgave him. So months later more than double the time you've been together he been loyal boyfriend. It's ok to have a little bit of lack of trust because of his past but to not trust him at all shows that you didn't really forgive him.

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    • I ask him why thought and he doesn't know why? like that's what gets me. I just wanna know why. I always see stuff like even a drunken mistake shouldn't matter if he cheats he cheats. I don't know. I do trust him, not fully though.

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    • but, we are constantly fighting over small stuff and I'm afraid it's gonna be too much for the both of us, even though we wanna be with each other.

    • The wife and I fight over small things sometimes. But you get through them. When minor things don't get resolved and become major things then that's when trouble starts.

  • The thing is, he knew immediately that he crossed the line and he apologized (just not to you). So I think fundamentally he's a good guy who did a profoundly stupid thing when drunk.
    Your relationship just needs time right now. You said you forgave him, yet in your heart you're holding back full forgiveness. You need to get to a point where you can trust him again. Give it another say 6 mos. If you still aren't trusting him by then I think you need to move on.

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    • This helped a lot, thank you.

What Girls Said 2

  • This is normal especially after a breach of trust. I'm glad to hear that it sounds like you guys were able to actually talk about this and are making the steps to correct it. It will just take time, and it's good of him to say that he'd do whatever he can. In this case just understand for yourself what you need from him in order to move past this, and let him know. The trust will come back with time once you see that nothing has continued to happen.

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    • Thank you!

    • Plus it sounds like he's a good guy and this really was a genuine mistake that he tried to take back almost instantly. Not that his gets him off the hook, but it says something about where his heads at with you.

  • Once trust is broken it's a hard thing to build back up again. You're not wrong, but you're right, it isn't healthy.

    This is honestly why I'd never stay with someone who broke my trust. Not worth it. I don't want to be in a relationship without trust.

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    • I totally agree, what's a relationship without trust right? but it's hard leaving someone who I'm so attached too and he does make me smile and laugh and make me happy. So it's hard.

    • Meh... there are plenty of dudes out there... I highly doubt he's so wonderful and amazing that he is irreplaceable...

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