M boboyfriend is leaving for Spain tomorrow for a month, am I being selfish? Or is he the selfish one? Please help? I'm so heartbroken and angry?

My boyfriend and I are together 6 years, we have never ever once gone away on holidays together, he goes away with his friends to different places, this only started to happen when we got together so it wasn't a normal thing for him. I only found out 3 weeks ago he's leaving for Spain tomorrow for a month he's not back till 30th of June. I'm absolutely heartbroken, I hate not being with him, and I was asking him at Christmas time can I book a holiday for me and him for the summer and he was like ' awh no I don't no' and now he's off tomorrow for Spain. He's going with one guy who I never have met in my life. He's single. And there staying in his friends nanny's home. There going over to train and do boxing in a gym ( they both train and do MMA) so I understand that but I feel like he doesn't have to go for a month he can do training here like he always does. I asked him could I come over for a week and he started to give out saying ' no u can't my friend luke will be there u can't do that' my boyfriend is 23 I'm 22. He's also being mean to me like I'm so upset I'm crying now stop and he don't seem to care he's just like stop being silly I'll be home in a mouth. And he started to give out to me last night saying " your the only one who isn't happy for me.. this is the crap I'm not going to miss ' etc. He's just not understanding my point at all. And he was like we can't talk a lot because I'll be busy etc. He's saying it's not a holiday but it is. He's like ' I'm training everyday ' but off course he go out and shop around and look around etc and do things. I'm so upset I don't even want to be here anymore. I'm so angry and resentful. Am I being stupid?

Updates:
I heard him on the phone to a friend last night. He told his friend he was leaving for a month on Wednesday. Then obviously his friend said something and my boyfriend replied ' fuck it man you have to be selfish in relationships'
Hi everyone. My boyfriend is gone 3 days now and that's fine but I asked him can we do phone sex and I can send him pics etc. He said ' no thank u I'm fine' he's 23 ? Why doesn't he wanna do that with him. He started picking fights last night over the phone saying I'm not taking his feelings into consideration and that I need to stop mopping around and I need to ' cop on' he's gone for 32 days. What will I do? Why is he like this? He's very off in his messages also. Thank yous
Hi everyone. It's been getting worse. He hid our relationship status off Facebook then when I asked him why he said ' I can't you anymore I hate this relationship your an arsehole and it's all your fault for annoying me, you have ruined my holiday in. Not even looking forward to coming back home I'm still with you because I'm. Hoping your return to your normal self you need to grow the fu*k up and stop annoying me you make me so angry I could puke' only because I asked him little questions😢

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Why can't he take u and be with u when he's not training? A month is a long time to go away from a partner of 6 years. Hope he is faithful!

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    • yeah I don't get that either... there is something in the bushes there I believe

    • Your update smacks of he doesn't give a shit about you. End it cos he's taking the piss. What 23 year old guy would say no I'm fine thanks!

Most Helpful Girl

  • This sounds like a Relationship of His Own Convenience Only, @rajaXx, And He doesn't give a Hill of Beans how you Feel on any Deal. You definitely are getting the Raw End of the Stick.
    I find it Unfair that he has never Taken you, Not even Once, On a Holiday with just the two of You. He finds the Time down the Friend Line, To Take his buds but leaves you Home all Alone. It's like he is this Swinging Single.
    Let him Go for Now, Do as you Have always done, And keep in touch.
    However, when Honey comes back from his 'I'm training every day,' You need to sit him down and take the bull by the horns here, dear, And lay a few of your own Ground Rules down.
    He is Mistaking your Kindness for Weakness With No 'Being silly' about It, Giving You your own Title "Enabler." This is Mental Abuse, He is Slapping this on your Forehead so you do Not... Forget.
    Good luck and Dry those tears. xx

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    • I just read your Update.. I rest my case.. he is definitely not a Keeper, my Weeper. xx

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    • @rajaX, The bottom line is here, dear, He is having a hissy sissy fit that You are Not playing along with him anymore in being a mouse in the housd in a corner. He is seeing a new side to you and he hates it, is threatening you to leave or break free of you in hopes you will go back being the mouse in His back pocket again. If this is the way he feels, then n getting through to him, and you certainly deserve better than this loser who uses and abuses you and doesn't treat you like the Queen you are. xx

    • Thank you, sweetie, for the Vote of Confidence.. I messaged you, hope you are okay. xxoo

What Guys Said 3

  • I would say that it's more of you being attached and in love with him than selfishness. But if anyone is, it would be you because you have to let him do his own things sometimes.

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  • You should tie him to your bedpost and feed him once a day.

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  • Everyone is selfish.

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What Girls Said 6

  • I'm not sure about the dynamics of your relationship...

    are you "official"? do you know his social circle? do you know his parents?
    what I'm getting at is, is this even a real, commited relationship? Is it more one sided?

    It seems very odd to me that in 6 years you have never been away on Holidays together. Are you otherwise very clingy? MAybe he feels the need to get away from you for a while.

    In any case, I would be reevaluating this relationship ASAP

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    • I know his family very well. I don't no his friends at all. He doest bring me out to them or when he goes out I'm not invited. He went to Amsterdam last year and Bulgaria the year before with him. Now Spain for a mouth. He says I'm selfish because I'm any and hurt he's leaving me again. I feel very angry an resentful to him. He said we can ' text ' when he's not busy. I even offered I'll go over for a week and he refused.

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    • well there ya' have it... he wants to break up and thinks acting like an asshole will do the trick.
      I would have already told him to go fuck himself with only half of the shit he has said to you. Any further attempt on your part of clarifying anything is a waste of time. Trust me. I know it is extremely hard to do, especially when you want answers. I'ts horrible. but unfortunately it is the way it is.
      Drop him, he is not worth it. He isn't even man enough to have an adult and mature conversation to break up. Life is definitely too short to be dealing with this sort of asshole.

  • I think it's terrible that he can't see your side of things. The abruptness and the fact that you've never even met this friend after 6 years says to me it's not as serious a relationship as you'd hoped. If it were me, I'd get busy doing other things and keep him out of your mind as much as possible. Hopefully he shows you what you mean to him but if not, you may need to break things off, if only to protect yourself.

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  • I wouldn't say he's selfish. It sounds like he wants some guy time, which isn't bad... you've been together for 6 years. But he also sounds like he's sick of the relationship and he thinks you're too clingy. Do you guys live together? If I were you, when he leaves, don't talk to him for a while. He really sounds like he needs space from you. Why, I don't know, but a 6 year relationship for a 23 year old man is a long time.

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  • God I am sorry. I understand his POV on a certain level, he wonders why you won't listen but he's doing the exact same thing to you and you are just trying to explain yourself. You haven't even once made it seem like you weren't happy for him to go, you wanted to go too! That isn't holding someone back!

    I think you should leave him. Honestly, I think he intends to cheat on you and I would hate for someone to say that to me. But he seems to just be treating you like crap in the hopes you'll leave him I think and you deserve better. I say while he's gone start packing your stuff (not outright leave but get prepared to) and when he comes back. Sit him down, tell him to be quiet and listen and you tell him how things made you feel. You tell him all these things, and if he doesn't understand but TRIES to (that's a start), if he just continues to brush you off. Good riddance and he can go find someone else.

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    • Thanks for writing to me. Your very kind. Yeah I mean to say things like ' you make me so angry I could puke, your an arsehole, your not ringing me, your a retard, you never listen to me, you don't care about me, this is all your fault, your wrecking my head I hate this relationship I can't stand you ' definitely he must be up to no good over there? Part of me is like yes I should dump him but then when he says things like ' I wanna stay with you ' it makes me not. I just can't even think at the moment I'm so upset 😣😣😣

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    • Thank you for your honesty. I'm so sorry you had to deal with the abusive you got. You didn't deserve any of it. I'm gonna keep reading your replys and it's making me think twice about him. I don't deserve his treatment and I'm definitely going to step back and not be so in his face and let him wonder where I am

    • Sounds good. I mean, obviously be prepared for him to start accusing you of things. It sounds like he might go the route of "you're obviously hiding something, you stopped talking" even though that's what he wanted. Which is more proof of emotional abuse.
      But I definitely say reflect on the relationship. Step back definitely, give him the space he's asked for, but stay respectful and kind and supportive in the mean time. Give him NO "reason" to be angry at you.
      And if he at any point accuses you of cheating or saying you're obviously sneaking around, then that probably means he is and is trying to put his bad behaviour onto you (something my ex did too).

      Anyway, please reply to my inbox so we can keep chatting about this. I'd like to support you through whatever you decide.

  • I see why you're upset but you're wayyy overreacting.

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  • Truthfully yes. Listen guys want a girl that is all grown up and not a baby. If u are so worried do me a favor it helps ok trust me. Sit down with him open up tell him u want no lies and a truthful relationship. Open up to him tell him how you feel dont angue or scream keep clam cry if u can't hold it. Be true to yourself and him. Tell him how much u love hom. Be true to your self ok. Ask him if he truly loves you he won't cheat. Open up

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