He is in his 30's and wants to move back with his parents?

When I met him he had a nice house in another city. After a few months, he decided to move to my city so we could spend more time together (his parents live here too). He told me and his mom to look for an apartment for him. We did so, spent ages looking and found the perfect one.

When we told him that, he said that he doesn't wanna rent anything and want to live with his parents... His explanation is that he doesn't want to have to pay rent, electricity, wifi etc. Note that he's been paying for that for over a decade.

I'm sorry, but I just can't deal with that. t's not that I'm a gold digger - I've got my own place. But I'm dating an older guy for specific reasons: maturity, security independency. Emphasis on *MATURITY*. And he tells me that at this point of his life he wants to live like an 18 year old?

I don't know what to do or what to say. I'm pissed, don't approve his decision at all and don't want to date a teenager.

Updates:
His reason #2 are: I MIGHT study abroad in OVER a year and he doesn't want to be alone.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Wait a minute. You might be overseas for a year? So what does it matter. Why should he waste his money on a place. He could easily give some money to his folks to help out and save for the future. Savings for when he has a family or down payment on a home for said family.

    Sounds like he's thinking maturely and while you're not. It's like you're more angry at the possibility of telling people your boyfriend lives at home. He could care less about that stigma that, that carries. Seems like he has a well paying job and is looking for towards the future.

    If anything, you don't sound like you should be in a relationship right now. A year away studying overseas? I don't see this working out if you're going a ballistic over this small bs.
    The avg. home sells for half-a-million here in SD. That makes for quite the down-payment that most have to save for a long time for.

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    • Your opinion was actually helpful and insightful. Thanks!

Most Helpful Girl

  • Well, if he doesn't want to rent does that mean that he wants to save up money to buy a house? If so, that is reasonable. He obviously has a job that allows him to afford his last place, so he has that going for him. To an extent I can see where he is coming from, I always think it would be great to move back home and not pay bills and be a kid again, but that could and would never actually happen! It is immature to actually do it at this point in his life and I would tell him that this is not the person or situation you signed up for and maybe give him an ultimatum that he moves out within the year or else you will find someone with their life together.

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    • I tried to talk about it but he claims I'm only thinking about myself. I honestly don't know how to tell him that I'm not ok with that at all. I'm really losing all respect for him; I used to look up to him so much and now he just sounds so immature.

    • Only thinking about yourself? Ambition, maturity and motivation are important when looking for a life partner, so yeah, maybe it is about you and what you are looking for but you have every right to judge based on these things. It is one thing to move back to save money or in between houses but since he actually said he is just doing it to be "18 again" translates to laziness and lack of ambition and responsibility. I would be upset and turned off too.

What Guys Said 16

  • Maybe he just wants to stay there long enough to save money for something better than renting. We all know that renting is noting but using someone else's place or things , and it's a never ending cycle

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  • Talk to him what exactly is his plan, where exactly is your reltionship going. You need to talk to him not us. If need be then time to move on. Have you even talked about when you'll be studying abroad.

    Why would a grown man in his 30s, who can easily afford an apartment would move back with his parents. Doesn't even feel the same about you?

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  • Does he have any intentions on buying a house? If that's the case, he's making a smart decision. Think about the city that you both live in. If rent is high, than it would make sense that he wants to stay with his parents until he could afford to buy a home.

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  • There are people who live with their parents for practical and sensible reasons, but your boyfriend's reasons are childish.

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    • hey, check my update

    • That reason sounds okay, but to say that he wants to live with her so that he can freeload... that's beyond the pale.

  • Are his parents failing or sick? I guess that would be the only reason that I'd allow ya know?

    he's 30 years old and wants to study abroad? he's fucking 30! Also he doesn't see a future with you if he's thinking of leaving for a year

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    • I never said he wants to study abroad? I'm the one studying.

    • Oh I got it confused lol my bad. But still. If he doesn't wanna be along get a dog lmao

  • Sounds like hey could very well be Blue Anon 30-35

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  • short n sweet answer: leave this mommys boy alone. remember the movie failure to launch? this is nothing like that. he would rather mooch of his parents than make a life wih you, says a lot about his commitment to you doesn't it?

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  • I call bullshit or coming back to hometown wasn't such a hot idea.

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  • Then leave him
    Cause his decision is crystal clear

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  • He'sactually making the best monetary decision.

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  • Walk away from this...

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  • No don't do it

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  • then help him , pay it half.

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    • I wouldn't be living with him. I have to afford my own place too.

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    • He really doesn't

    • then leave him. maybe he doesn't want you and want to change his life. First with his family then with his crush

  • What are you doing with your life?

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    • I read your comments. So... this guy is a lawyer... and he is a LOSER because he wants to live at home? Who the hell are you to call him a loser? He is obviously more accomplished than you and has more money than you. You're the loser.

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    • Well... I guess I'm a loser also. I'm 25 and decided to move back home after living on my own for 2 years. Just like your soon to be ex-boyfriend, I am college educated and I'm actually a young senior accountant.

      Your soon to be "ex"-boyfriend could have been a deadbeat dad to 5 kids, or a habitual drug dealer, alcoholic, chronic partier with no direction in life or he could have been in and out of jail for the past 5 years. All those things would make him a loser.

      However, he is a lawyer who decided to move back home at age 30... and he is a loser? In most countries around the world, it isn't uncommon for people his age to live at home until they are married. However, at this rate, I don't think you will be married because you seem to be super concerned with whether or not a man is living with his mom.

    • Yeah, I wouldn't want to waste my life with a guy who doesn't want to start a life with me

  • i live with my parents and:

    - Pay for my bills.
    - Help paying the rent.
    - Drive my little sisters wherever they wanna go.
    - Help my dad and mom with groceries
    - Help arround the house in general.
    - I work hard every day.
    - i run my own business.
    - I could afford moving out yet i choose to help my family still.
    - I do want to move out next year.

    If you ignore all this and still think im mature, then maybe you do have a problem.

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    • Maybe you should realize that my question is about my personal problem and not you.

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    • I can't love losers

    • exactly. he is better off.

      i am bored now. buh bye

  • Well then it looks like you two want different things time to move on

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What Girls Said 5

  • Let him do what he wants. It's not your job to blackmail him into meeting your standards. If he cares about having you, he'll do so on his own.

    Your only job (can't stress the ONLY part enough) as his girlfriend, is to support him, accept him as he is and see if that is something you can live with. If not, you move on and find a man whose flaws will be something you can accept. Whether a man changes is entirely up to his own free will.

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  • I live on my own, I have my own place and my boyfriend lives at home. He's in his 30's. I don't see anything wrong with wanting to save money. We can hang out at my place instead. He has a decent job and makes enough money but this is what he chooses to do and I'm ok with that

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  • I don't understand how that makes him immature, but alright.
    If it bothers you that much then break up with him.
    Nothing wrong with wanting to save a bit of money and chilling with mom and pop <3

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  • Yup another women to be single.

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  • Just dump the loser.

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    • why is he a loser?

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    • But he is not losing me?

    • if he doesn't then whast your question?

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