I know you're asking for opinions from people that aren't experienced, but I just wanna help you, okay? I'm not being mean. - Word of advice, you should NEVER record with a phone. If you do, always turn it sideways so you have a full screen resolution. - The first piece of text should be lowered so it fits in the center of the screen. - Lower the volume of the audio. I can't hear your voice. - Maybe add some small form of action. You've got this dramatic music, yet you're talking normally and your voice doesn't change.
That's just my advice. Good luck with your project!