Approaching feels weird?

I don't know why it feels this way.
I just feel weird going up to a pretty girl, trying to get her number in less than five minutes knowing I might never see her again.

My friends don't even do this, they just use instagram or snapchat, but I don't.

How can I make it feel normal and 'ok to do'?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • I think the most important part of your question is the last part where you say 'OK to do', as in you're implying that approaching is currently not ok to do in your mind. I think this points to a broader problem that young guys have it in their minds that approaching girls is not okay and is frankly unwanted, which in my experience on this site is false more often than true, but who can really say for sure anyways.

    I think society, in its ever-growing protective state, has done a piss poor job of fostering healthy relationships and has instead encouraged guys to stop approaching for fear of being branded a creep who gives unwanted attention.

    At the end of the day, it all comes down to a state of mind. You gotta change the frame to be that all the girls want you to approach them instead of the frame that you currently have, which is its weird, uncomfortable, and not okay.

    The challenging part is reading the situation and coming up with a conversation starter that will diffuse the initial awkwardness and open her up to you. Its different for each girl and each setting, and can be impossible if you're not particularly outgoing and quick on your feet.

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    • That's exactly my problem. Girls seem to be annoyed and simply irritated by a guy hitting on them and I've caught on to this and hesistate to approach. You have any more helpful tips on changing my mindset? I can't afford to not approach dude I don't want to die alone

    • Its all situational. If you approach the right girl at the right time she'll be thrilled you approach. If you approach the same girl at the wrong time she'll be annoyed.

      Its difficult to tell what situations are the best to approach but I think the best mindset is to just approach anyways. You'll lose more than you win but its better than the alternative of never approaching. Plus, if they reject you, it's their loss and they should be thankful you bothered to approach them in the first place.

What Girls Said 5

  • What's weird about possibly not ever seeing her again?
    Wouldn't that make it easier, in case you get rejected? If she's not interested, you're not really losing much after sharing a whole five minutes of conversation with her.

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    • I mean it feels weird because the girl is probably thinking 'why is this guy talking to me?' and my reason being I find her attractive. And telling a girl I don't even know that she is pretty doesn't seem like a good idea

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    • agreed! just talk about whatever... like if you are in a bar or something and there is a game on tv... talk about the game (that would work on me lol maybe not every girl) but the point is just make it natural. Dont tell her outright that she is pretty because the convo has no where to go from there. ask questions etc.

    • "you don't need to directly tell her that you find her pretty.. being really friendly and flirty/charming will suffice."

      When girls have approached me I've almost always assumed they were just being friendly. The only time I realized there was an underlying meaning as to why a girl I didn't know started talking to me, was at a bus stop when I was going home from school. There is only one route that stops at that bus station and when that girl didn't step on the bus is when I knew that I had been approached

  • No, but I still don't leave it to chance. I always keep my feet under the covers, because everyone knows a demon's only weakness is covers.

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    • This makes it harder than it is. It's like almost every girl has been hurt or whatever and are guarded towards every guy.

    • Honestly I just came to the realization that this answer was intended for another question:

      For approaching women cold? Really, it's a balls-to-the-walls sort of thing. All you can do is approach, make it clear why you approached, and then kindly ask to get their number. Just essentially don't be a creep about it.

  • I would just do it! I was literally just taking about this with a friend. I don't want to beep my own horn, but I feel very blessed with my looks (which by no means is everything... you have to have a good personality to back it up) but not many men will initiate conversation with me first. I am also a very outgoing girl so that adds to this whole element but I would definitely say the type of man I am attracted to is confident! So just go for it! Everyone hates rejection but in the long run it won't matter! Just be you and be confident!

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    • The thing is most girls are probably wondering why I'm talking to them in the first place, and I'm talking to them because I think they're pretty/cute.

    • well I think that most girls would understand that that is the reason why you went up and approached them unless it happened organically like you were behind them in line at the grocery store.

  • I would love it, it's better than trying to take the easy route and adding on instagram

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  • Cause it is weird. It takes a brave person to do that

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What Guys Said 4

  • You need to shift yourself from the 'taking' vibe into a 'giving' vibe. Likely you feel worried of rejection, coming off as a creep, seeking validation, and try to justify why you're approaching a girl.

    Just be upfront, honest. Pay attention to your feelings. You need to let go of this need for a 'reason' to go out and approach women.

    And most importantly, learn to have a fun, care-free, and passionate time!

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  • The moment you give zero fuks about being rejected, it becomes fun.

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    • I care about being rejected though but I don't know how to just stoo caring

  • i never do this. i just talk to people who i have been introduced with.

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  • I also don't use the "social media" because I would feel freakin' weird explaining how I met the girlfriend.

    But the very, very few times I've approached I've felt awkward as fuck, and it's probably due to the fact that girls think that us guys think they are desperate when they approach us guys... so it's always in the back of my mind "Holy hell, she'll now think I'm friggin' desperate because I approached her" - and that's the reason why I don't approach

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