I fear if I try to have a girlfriend right now, I'll end up having just used her to wait for another?

As I have said countless times, I have epilepsy that's pretty much keeping me locked into my parents' home. I love them very much, but am frustrated I am required to stay home unless I'm out with them,(or a friend of mine/theirs that can easily get me back), such as Church and grocery shopping. The farthest I can be from them,(aside from home while they go elsewhere), is another part of the building they're in. This includes a special part of our church called "College Group". (Basically a young adult version of Sunday school)

College group naturally has both genders, and there are some very pretty girls there. I need a woman in my life, and am tempted to try to attempt asking for a relationship beyond friendship with one because they are the only girls my age I can meet and talk to face-to-face without my parents watching. I'm shy, but that's not what's hardest.

I know one day I can live my own life away from my parents, as doctors have been able to reduce the strength of my epilepsy. A great thing about that is being able to look around anywhere I go for a woman I might want to date. There can be one issue with that, however. This being the case makes me extremely likely to break up with the girl in Church...

I am extremely lonely, and to a great extent need a woman in my life. However, if I make a relationship with a girl before I'm free of epilepsy, I'll feel I'm doing no more than using her to help me wait. That would make me feel extremely selfish, plus I dream for my first girlfriend to be the one I marry and feel outside of my current options there are so many girls who would be much better for me.

I want a relationship, not a friends with benefits. But I'm so desperate after never having one single girlfriend after nearly 30 years! What should I do? What CAN I do?

I can't thank you enough for reading all these desperate complaints about my life. If you could please give an opinion or advice, I'd extremely appreciate it!


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Most Helpful Girl

Most Helpful Guy

  • Almost everyone has more than one girlfriend or boyfriend before they get married! Stop being afraid of a breakup and start getting experience with women. 👍🏿

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    • I've tried two so far, able to text both. But neither of them answer very often, and now it's probably been a few weeks since they did... Also one of the first text from the first said she wanted our relationship perfectly casual. The second ended up already having a boyfriend. I can only hope the third time's the charm. 😥

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    • "ladies' man" = guys who is very good with attracting the interest of women

      I wouldn't consider you a ladies' man (yet). You have the foundation, because men who are ladies' men do genuinely like socializing with women and enjoy being around them [the opposite would be guys that use them for sex; those are "players"].

      The only thing you're missing is aggression, and the numbers game. Approach more women more often. Striking up a casual conversation, then asking for her contact info as you depart.

      You can literally approach women ANYWHERE, if you keep your eyes open and pay attention. Also u can be "talking" to more than one woman at a time! In fact that is recommended. Don't make yourself monogamous to a woman that isn't monogamous to you. :)

    • But I can't approach women anywhere. College group is the only place I can socialize with people without my parents next to me. I can't say "Hey, can you wait a sec, Dad? I wanna go hit on that girl over there." lol Its not that they don't want me to socialize. They'd love me to. It's my f***ing epilepsy that limits where I can be at all, let alone look around in. 😡
      Aside from Church, school, shopping, restaurants like Denny's, beaches, hospitals, and simply the open streets inbetween, I have never gone anywhere that had people who were not friends,(when I had any), or relatives. I simply can't look anywhere yet. 😣
      In the meantime, getting together with girls in the one place I can look atm in order to help me wait for the time I can finally look elsewhere, then saying "Thanks for helping me wait. I hope your next guy is more your type."? Does that really sound that different from a "player"? 😔
      No need to worry about the monogamous part, by the way. The only issue is finding that girl. 😥

What Girls Said 2

  • stop being needy. Be independent and happy on your own. It is the biggest turn off to me when a guy is needy. And why would someone try to be happy with you if you aren't happy with yourself?

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    • I'm not unhappy with myself. Just my current situation. I always try to be independent and happy, but having a girlfriend would make everything I just talked about almost literally 100x easier.

    • Well I'd back off from that

    • From what? Girl searching?

  • Don't date someone unless you're 100% sincere about it

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    • Most people say I shouldn't wait, but if I was to be sincere I would have to ask her "Hey, do you want to be by girlfriend for at least until my epilepsy is cured, which will probably be in at least a few years?". 🙄

      Even if I wanted to say something like that, no girl would say yes... Plus I don't think sex before marriage is right, meaning most likely none of that with her. Just romantic dates at best. Huge bummer there. 😕

What Guys Said 1

  • Life's too short to wait. Do you really think your first girlfriend will be your last? Many will try, few will succeed. Just do it.

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