I fear if I try to have a girlfriend right now, I'll end up having just used her to wait for another?

As I have said countless times, I have epilepsy that's pretty much keeping me locked into my parents' home. I love them very much, but am frustrated I am required to stay home unless I'm out with them,(or a friend of mine/theirs that can easily get me back), such as Church and grocery shopping. The farthest I can be from them,(aside from home while they go elsewhere), is another part of the building they're in. This includes a special part of our church called "College Group". (Basically a young adult version of Sunday school)

College group naturally has both genders, and there are some very pretty girls there. I need a woman in my life, and am tempted to try to attempt asking for a relationship beyond friendship with one because they are the only girls my age I can meet and talk to face-to-face without my parents watching. I'm shy, but that's not what's hardest.

I know one day I can live my own life away from my parents, as doctors have been able to reduce the strength of my epilepsy. A great thing about that is being able to look around anywhere I go for a woman I might want to date. There can be one issue with that, however. This being the case makes me extremely likely to break up with the girl in Church...

I am extremely lonely, and to a great extent need a woman in my life. However, if I make a relationship with a girl before I'm free of epilepsy, I'll feel I'm doing no more than using her to help me wait. That would make me feel extremely selfish, plus I dream for my first girlfriend to be the one I marry and feel outside of my current options there are so many girls who would be much better for me.

I want a relationship, not a friends with benefits. But I'm so desperate after never having one single girlfriend after nearly 30 years! What should I do? What CAN I do?

I can't thank you enough for reading all these desperate complaints about my life. If you could please give an opinion or advice, I'd extremely appreciate it!


Most Helpful Girl

Most Helpful Guy

  • Almost everyone has more than one girlfriend or boyfriend before they get married! Stop being afraid of a breakup and start getting experience with women. 👍🏿

    • I've tried two so far, able to text both. But neither of them answer very often, and now it's probably been a few weeks since they did... Also one of the first text from the first said she wanted our relationship perfectly casual. The second ended up already having a boyfriend. I can only hope the third time's the charm. 😥

    • Show All
    • "ladies' man" = guys who is very good with attracting the interest of women

      I wouldn't consider you a ladies' man (yet). You have the foundation, because men who are ladies' men do genuinely like socializing with women and enjoy being around them [the opposite would be guys that use them for sex; those are "players"].

      The only thing you're missing is aggression, and the numbers game. Approach more women more often. Striking up a casual conversation, then asking for her contact info as you depart.

      You can literally approach women ANYWHERE, if you keep your eyes open and pay attention. Also u can be "talking" to more than one woman at a time! In fact that is recommended. Don't make yourself monogamous to a woman that isn't monogamous to you. :)

    • But I can't approach women anywhere. College group is the only place I can socialize with people without my parents next to me. I can't say "Hey, can you wait a sec, Dad? I wanna go hit on that girl over there." lol Its not that they don't want me to socialize. They'd love me to. It's my f***ing epilepsy that limits where I can be at all, let alone look around in. 😡
      Aside from Church, school, shopping, restaurants like Denny's, beaches, hospitals, and simply the open streets inbetween, I have never gone anywhere that had people who were not friends,(when I had any), or relatives. I simply can't look anywhere yet. 😣
      In the meantime, getting together with girls in the one place I can look atm in order to help me wait for the time I can finally look elsewhere, then saying "Thanks for helping me wait. I hope your next guy is more your type."? Does that really sound that different from a "player"? 😔
      No need to worry about the monogamous part, by the way. The only issue is finding that girl. 😥

What Girls Said 2

  • stop being needy. Be independent and happy on your own. It is the biggest turn off to me when a guy is needy. And why would someone try to be happy with you if you aren't happy with yourself?

    • I'm not unhappy with myself. Just my current situation. I always try to be independent and happy, but having a girlfriend would make everything I just talked about almost literally 100x easier.

    • Well I'd back off from that

    • From what? Girl searching?

  • Don't date someone unless you're 100% sincere about it

    • Most people say I shouldn't wait, but if I was to be sincere I would have to ask her "Hey, do you want to be by girlfriend for at least until my epilepsy is cured, which will probably be in at least a few years?". 🙄

      Even if I wanted to say something like that, no girl would say yes... Plus I don't think sex before marriage is right, meaning most likely none of that with her. Just romantic dates at best. Huge bummer there. 😕

What Guys Said 1

  • Life's too short to wait. Do you really think your first girlfriend will be your last? Many will try, few will succeed. Just do it.