Am I being too controlling?

So my boyfriend last night said he was expecting to be home around 11 (which was fine). I told him I would probably message him through the night and not to bother looking until he got home (only sent them so I'd remember what things I wanted to talk about when he got home) and I'd wait up for him at 11. 11 came around and he wasn't home. Then 12:30 came and he still never messaged me. I'm annoyed and upset because he didn't message me to tell me not to wait up and he'd be out longer than he thought. I didn't care that he wasn't home, I didn't care where he was, who he was with, or what he was doing. I just wanted a message saying he expected to be out longer... I don't think that is controlling but a little piece of me wonders if it is. Thanks


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Most Helpful Guy

  • That is THE thing I hate the most about girls. Them thinking they control my agenda. He made the mistake of telling you he would probably be back around 11. He never told you he would or made a promise. I am a freaking adult. I am old enough to be able to go wherever I want, whenever I want, and come back at whatever time I want to without asking for anybody's permission. You are an adult too. I am not responsible for your life or your entertainment. Find something to do when you are alone, be more independant. So my opinion is that yes, you are being too controlling. It's not the end of the world, but it is annoying.

    Stop "waiting" for him. That's annoying. That tells us guys that you are completely useless without us. It feels like you are a burden more than anything else and it looks like emotional manipulation too.

    If he asks you to wait for him and tells you he will be back at 11 and then he is not, then yes, you can be pissed. If not, live and let live.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • It isn't controlling because you didn't even really care to know where he was, with who, etc. You were just expecting a heads up that you shouldn't wait up and I think it's common courtesy to say "I'm staying out later" if someone is waiting on you so they don't waste their time.

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What Guys Said 12

  • He said he'd be home around 11, he should have texted you if his plans changed.

    It's not "controlling" to be somewhat upset that he didn't.

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  • If I were him and you let me know how you felt, I'd definitely apologize for making you stay up and wait past the time that I said I'd be home.

    Well, actually, I would have just sent you a text to let you know, or called you, before letting it happen. I understand why it upset you, it's reasonable, especially if he's done it more than once.

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    • He definitely apologized but he does it often and just keeps apologizing so it seems a little empty but thank you :)

  • I'll go at this from two sides here.

    1. You're fine, and just wanted to know "not to wait up."

    2. Yes you were, you have to remember there was a time before texting (gasp!) and cell phones. There was this thing called "lifting your own life." I undertand that you wanted to text him to remember what you wanted to talk about (I do that myself at times).

    In any case, sounds like you need to talk to him about different things, and something tells me that "those texts" we're just those subjects.

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  • Sometimes it is loud or very social where the person is, so he or she may not answer their phone right away. But he should have messaged sometime after 10pm when he realized he wouldn't be home "on time" out of consideration.

    Next time he shouldn't give a time that he would be back. 😋

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  • I think that you were justified in the way you felt, but you didn't handle it very reasonably. Instead of spamming him, you should have waited until he got home and told him all the things you said in the description, so that hopefully he would understand and be more considerate next time.

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  • No it is not controlling to want someone who is supposed to care about you to be considerate and have manners... If you truly are with someone they are thought of and respected enough to let you know you are goin to be either late or not at all... courtesy is a part of a healthy relationship along with good communication. Hugz hope that I helped. 🍀🐶🍀

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  • Sometimes when you're out you just get caught up in the moment. Best thing is to just do you and let him do him. If he comes back awesome, If he doesn't - assume he's obviously still out and he'll come back later. Sleep whenever you are tired. No need to wait or pressure him for a text unless its urgent.

    Most of the times Im sure it all works out but if it doesn't, like this time, its ok he's out and he'll be back when he's back.

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  • It isn't controlling.

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  • its rude to keep someone waiting for u and not text and say ill be late.
    text only take a few sec

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  • Things don't need to be said if he's not at home on time.

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  • What are you, his mother?

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    • No but he said he was going to be home around 11 so I was looking forward to talking to him (as it is currently a long distance relationship) and then he left me hanging without an explanation. Like I said I didn't need to know where he was, what he was doing, or who he was with, I just would have liked him to tell me to not bother staying up to chat

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    • He was over an hour late... but I am done having this conversation. Instead of respectfully telling me you think I am controlling you felt the need to make yourself appear to be a huge ass. So I hope you have a lovely day and learn to better be a better person in the future :)

    • Sorry that I'm not babying you and rocking you back in forth in my arms while spoon feeding small portions of sweetness into your mouth. You're being ridiculous, not controlling. Controlling would entail you forbid him to do things, but my advice to you is to stop feeling entitled and to stop trying to ruin his good times because you personally feel slighted.

  • bad girl ;)

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What Girls Said 12

  • I think it is. I would hate to have to tell someone where I am going at all times.!

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  • I think it's reasonable to expect him to tell you he will be out later than planned if you were planning to wait up for him.

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  • I think the fact that you messaged him through the night was annoying but a text saying he'd be late isn't too much to ask

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    • I told him I would be and I do it all the time. I have a really shitty memory, like a diagnosed shitty memory so if I don't message him someone as soon as I think of it I will forget it shortly after. but ya, thanks

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    • ya no... it doesn't work like that and I am aware there was a time before texting but that time in no more. That's like saying there was a time before ovens so you should be able to live daily without them... technology evolved so we could use it. Any way thanks for your opinion

    • I can cook without an oven. It's actually quite easy

  • He should have texted you. If for anything to keep you from worrying

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  • I think you were concerned and upset, maybe even overtired. I don't consider it to be controlling at all. Expecting him to tell you if plans change is fine, because it's common courtesy.

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  • I don't think you're horribly controlling but normally best to remind yourself of what could cause him to be late.

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  • it doesn't sounds controlling at all

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  • No, that's understandable. I wouldn't like it as well. But try to don't get mad if it's the first time he does something like that, talk with him instead and explain your feelings. Hopefully next time he will be more careful.

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    • he does it all the time and I always explain my feelings calmly he just seems to forget that I exist when he's out with friends.

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    • Oh okay, lol. Nevermind :p Still can't find a reason to why he would do that. Maybe he doesn't do that on purpose and it doesn't mean anything. He just forgets about the time

    • I think that is the case still annoying though :p

  • no that is not controlling all you wanted was a little consideration so you didn't have to wait up all night. I would be upset as well

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  • It's actually really hard for me to come home when i say i will. I'm not doing anything to hurt anybody. I'm just being a drunk flake.

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  • Not really controlling. You are concerned and that's fine. Don't go all bat out of hell on him when he gets home unless he's out doing something he know he shouldn't be doing.

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  • not controlling at all it's normal

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