Was he playing me the whole time?

OK so I just broke up with my boyfriend last week, and since this is my first relationship, I am still confused if I was dating a player or not! He is a big nerd who loves to read a lot and is a bit awkward. He is average-looking, but he had a few ex-girlfriends in the past as well as friends with benefits. When we first started dating, he said that he does not believe in labels because it creates expectations, but he wanted to keep seeing me. So we casually dated at first. He knew that I was a virgin (I'm 20 and yes, I'm a late bloomer). However, after around a month ago, I asked him to define our relationship, because the ambiguity was bugging me. And he did, we became official: That night, he started to become very affectionate. Prior to that night, we did do pretty much everything except actual intercourse. So he started to pressure me to have sex with him, despite the fact that I told him I was scared. We did eventually and it was extremely painful for me.

We had sex a few more times afterwards, and it went much better. He started to open up more about his past. One time, he cried while telling me that he had some trust issues because his ex-girlfriend whom he loved very much cheated on him. This was surprising because he does not show his emotions very often. He also suddenly told me how he dreamt of having a family one day. However, he started to grow distant as well as he seemed to become more occupied with school. We ended up only meeting each other once a week, sometimes even less. So, on our last date, I asked him to try to make more time for me, and he didn't immediately respond to my request. We spent the rest of the night cuddling in bed and watched TV as usual. The next morning, he said that he felt like I was getting "too attached", and he could not make more time for me because his school schedule is getting more hectic... And we both decided to break up.

Now when I looked back and reflect on this... Was he playing me the whole time? Please help.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • He probably is just an asshole.

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    • Lol... Can you explain further? ?

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    • That is true... i never thought about that. thank u!

Most Helpful Girl

  • No he didn't play you, it was a genuine relationship, he just felt like it was too much and probably overwhelmed him, and he tried to gain some control and prevent feeling vulnerable by ending the relationship.

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    • I agree.. Perhaps I have overwhelmed him.. Is there anything I can do for him to give me another chance? I miss him so dearly :(

    • Don't pressure him, accept his decision.

What Guys Said 1

  • I don't think he was playing you, case in point he was honest to you instead of stringing you along. It just sounds like he's going through a confusing phase in his life and liked you but wasn't head-over-heels in love with you.

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What Girls Said 1

  • I don't think he was playing you. Like you said, he opened up to you and even cried. A player who wasn't ready to settle down wouldn't really do something like that.
    School is probably the only reason to this. He's busy and stressed, and if for some reason, he comes back around, try to give it another shot.
    Good luck :)

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    • I always thought he was using school as an excuse, I guess I have misunderstood him :( Thank you!

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