How can someone find new love after the death of their lover/spouse?

Let me paint a scenario:

Let's say there is a couple in their 40's that have been married for 15 years and they have 2 children. Suddenly one of them dies and the other parent start's dating again and finds new love, then later remarries 2 years later.

Isn't that kinda like a betrayal? It's kinda like your replacing them?

I mean how would you feel knowing if you died your partner moves on and replaces you? Did they even love you from the beginning?

And what about the children? How do they feel with the replacement of their parent?

I would like to hear from you opinions about this since i haven't found a similar topic.

(please excuse my horrible English, it's not my native language)


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Most Helpful Girl

  • your English is fine!

    It depends. Some people need to have someone to love. Others can't deal with the loss and need the affection. It might feel as replacing, but if their dead partner truly loved them they'd want them to be happy, whether that be alone or together with someone new. The children's ages matter a lot, (pre-) teens won't accept it as much as smaller children, they adapt faster and will most likely open up to the new woman easily. especially if she has other children as well.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • I wouldn't remarry if i was with a person i loved for that long. I couldnt.
    I would spend the rest of my days holding onto our memories and doing my best for the kids and seeing her in my kids.
    Id spend more time with my bros and sipping whisky.
    Id like to think im above that but maybe ill have a few ons if i feel im having too much sexual urges. But id never emotionally connect with another woman again.
    So if i died and she did i probably would feel betrayed

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What Girls Said 4

  • No, because their lover would want them to be happy and move on. Moving on does not mean forgetting, or betrayal, nor that they never loved their spouse.
    I would be happy for them, because I wouldn't want my death to cause them a terrible amount of misery. I'd want them to live their life. I don't see it as replacement at all.

    The children- it depends on how they are. They either see it as replacement or "Look! New mom/dad!"

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  • I would want my husband to find love again so he wouldn't be lonely. It would make me happy to know that there is someone taking care of him while I'm gone.

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    • How would you feel if it were you that was still alive? And what would you do?

    • I would mourn for a few years before I consider getting back in the dating scene.

  • I wouldn't know or care cuz I'd be dead

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  • Yes if she's the right one for you from the start!!

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What Guys Said 14

  • Finding that great love and then have her die on me early is actually one of my greatest fears. Yeah, I'd certainly feel guilty and like I would be replacing her, but they say time heals all wounds and if you find someone else you connect with just as well I guess it sort of feels right for a lot of people, even though they couldn't have imagined it beforehand.

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  • I fell in love with my best friend after years and years. She had moved away with her family, but was unhappy, Eventually I worked up the courage to ask her to move back to be with me, but I never got the chance because she overdosed. She held on for a week before she passed. I've had 11 years of what ifs and regret. I never got the opportunity to be with my first love, I can only imagine the pain one must feel when they lose a spouse of many years. Because this was excruciating.

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  • I'd personally hope that if I did die, my significant other was able to move on and be with someone who treats her at least as good as I did, and if we had/have children together, this new person treats any and all children involved the same way he would want his children treated.

    The idea of a partner moving on after I pass on just doesn't bother me at all. Unless she ended up with someone bad for her and/or the children.

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  • I wanted to ask a question just like this since I personally could not hnderstand moving one so quickly. I also think that's kind of like betrayal. If my future wife died, I have no idea if I would ever move on. Maybe after 10 years but not after just two.

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  • I think children might feel betrayed regardless of the reason for remarriage (death, divorce, etc). While I think it could take a good 2+ years to get to know someone enough to make the decision to marry and I think you half to tack grieving time on to he front of that - before letting someone new; I do think it's healthy to be able to go on and have relationships. As a parent I can see that, as a child of my own parents, it's a bit harder.

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  • It would depend entirley on the people involved; how old are the children if they are over 18 they would find it easioer to accept the parent dating again than say of the kid was under the age of say 14

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  • I don't know sometimes it's weird. Apparently one of my parents friends before she passed away told her husband to basically go with this one chick after she passes and he did. Thats just weird. I'd grieve for awhile and I wouldn't be able to date again. If my children where young I'd spend my time and life on them.

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  • It's really hard. My best friend's mom is really struggling with being a single parent! Her husband died and she's really sad! My best friend was crying when my mom and I showed up at her dad's wake. I was right there crying with her!

    I don't know if she'll replace him.

    I might do it if I want more children!

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  • Having a bond broken by death leaves deep scars on people, but some people simply have these wounds healed faster than others. Also, love is like a drug to romantic people, so if someone has gotten over their partners permanent absence, they mights as well seek for someone knew to share the joys of life with.

    Humans want love, both platonic, romantic and erotic, so let them have it.

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  • My father taught me that just because one partner dies , does not mean the marragie is over. It just means it's on hold until you reunite in heaven. :) . I have gain this trait from my father.

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  • I've told my girlfriend right out that if I died tomorrow, grieve for a month... but move on.

    I'd be pissed if she spent the rest of her life alone :(

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  • Your English is better than many native speakers in my opinion.

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  • no, because life moves on, you can't stay at one place in your life whole time.

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