Not ready for a relationship?

My best friend broke up with his girlfriend 2 months ago and we started hooking up right after that. I've had feelings for him for a while and noticed that he had some for me too. Yet when I told him about that and said that I wanted a relationship, he told me that he wasn't ready. He said that he still had emotions for his ex and that it would be unfair to me to start a relationship with me right now, so we should stop hooking up. He told me that he likes me too though and that he could imagine having a relationship with me in the future, but that he can't give me a time frame and doesn't want me to wait for him.

I really like this guy and the idea of dating other people is really not appealing to me right now. Since it is not a situation of feelings not being present, but rather just the timing, do you think there's anything I can do to help him get over those feelings faster?

Have you ever been in the situation where you liked someone and the timing was wrong but you got together with that person later?


What Guys Said 1

  • Well, if you still want to be desirable to the eyes of your best friend, I would suggest that you should not try to do anything to make him get over those feelings faster. Right now, he is in a situation where a lot of people find themselves in when they have just broken up with someone. I was in this natural situation once when me and my girlfriend at the time broke up. I started flirting with a really close friend of mine. We started talking to the point where we both revealed that we have feelings for one another. But in the end, I found that those feelings were just infatuation. It felt natural to go out looking for another person to act as "rebound."

    I applaud your best friend for saying that it would be unfair for your to start dating him while he still clearly has feelings for someone else. If you put yourself out to him too much, then he might start losing those feelings for you because he is going to be too comfortable with you that he's going to start thinking that he can have you as a "back up."

    Bottom line is, respect that he doesn't want anything right now. When the time is right, things will happen. It's a natural process where you can't really do much to speed things up without making things any more complicated.


What Girls Said 1

  • There is nothing you can do to help him get over his feelings for another girl faster, that is wishful thinking. He needs to heal fulling without any obligations, including you. And it would be shitty and emotionally complicated for him to tend to YOU while he's still healing over HER. Its best to let time do its job, let it pass, the he'll be ready to have an amazing time with you. I know things kind of suck now, but waiting until he can be completely emotionally yours will be all the more worth it in the end.

    Yes, there has been a time where the timing was wrong, so we just waited. And eventually we got our opportunity. Trust me, if you don't focus on it and just live your life day by day, time will fly by so fast! This is a lesson of patience. Also, don't worry about him forgetting you because as long as you guys stay friends his feelings for you should still be there once the timing is right.. :)