Is it bad if a guy can't pay on the first date?

Especially if he is a jobless college student looking for a job, but is busy with schoolwork? And my parents don't give me money except for school supplies and textbooks?

  • Yes
    48% (32)50% (213)50% (245)Vote
  • No
    52% (34)50% (210)50% (244)Vote
And you are? I'm a GirlI'm a Guy

1|1
19|45

Most Helpful Girl

  • If you asked her you should be prepared to pay full.
    You should always prepare to pay half though, unless told otherwise.

    4|4
    0|0
    • Men are expected to ask girls out, not the other way around. Funny how you really hate equality when it's not convenient for you :^)

    • Show All
    • @RunTheRares eh the way my mind has been working the past 20 years if the female doesn't ask I assume they are not interested. Men have been doing most of the asking for the past couple millenia, we should let them do it the next couple.

    • @RunTheRares no. I've been on plenty of dates where I've been expected to pay. I'm saying if you ask you the person you should be prepared to pay for the whole night.

      Whenever I've been asked (even with my current partner now to this day) if he asks me to go somewhere, if I can't pay my way I say I can't afford it. That way he doesn't has that horrible surprise at the till.

      I'm trying to say that if you are person asking bear in mind the other person might not as considerate as you.
      If you are the person being asked, either have half the money in case of tell them in advance you don't have the money.

Most Helpful Guy

  • I think it's understood that the person asking for the date take the responsibility for the tab. However (big HOWEVER), I do think it is a courtesy for the person asked to at least make the offer to split or pay for his/her portion of the date. As I've gotten almost midway into my 30s and established in my lifestyle, this the norm. The women I've dated are capable in their own rights and often make the offer. It feels weird because I grew up in the era where the guy pays everything every time, and sometimes I'll pick up the whole tab anyway, but other times I go into the date without a notion of paying for her part. I've also come to the conclusion, now, that big dates are pointless until you've actually established a relationship. I mean... why? All you're doing is blowing money and time on something that may or may not be successful. It's not worth the headache. So each us ordering our own coffee or gelato or whatever sets an easy atmosphere for talking rather than expectation.

    The question also leads us in the direction that the guy should always pay. I reject that notion as it puts the burden and expectation on us as men that we are to pay for things in the future without question. It starts us at a disadvantage of a one-way street of spending our resources without her even expressing reciprocity. And make no mistake, the expectations expand as you're together longer.

    Guys or girls, if you ask someone out and can't afford to pick up the whole tab, then you're probably not in the position to have made the proposition in the first place. Be aware of what you can afford based on the chance that she'll not pay her own way. Additionally, you're dealing with another person. If the date is failing, be up front about it, thank the asker, offer to cover some of the cost, and say good night.

    Getting back to the addition to the question: If you're on out-of-work college student, etc., then my advice is to hold your hormones in check and focus on something else. Maybe school or finding that job and stop falling back on your parents for support. Dating is just an unnecessary distraction.

    0|0
    0|0

What Girls Said 18

  • If you don't have money to pay for a date, don't invite someone to go on a date with you that will cost money. Ask her instead to go for a walk through the park or around campus, or do something cheap like go for fro-yo (bitches LOVE fro-yo!)

    2|5
    0|0
  • Hmm... I'd be unhappy if he couldn't pay half, seeing as that's what I expect of him. He's eating half of the food, half of the drink, partaking in half of the activity, etc, so he should pay half of the cost. It's a first date, we're not at the stage where either of us should be willing to pay fully for the other yet. Besides, I'm a jobless university student who has to buy supplies and textbooks too.

    0|2
    0|0
  • agh... honestly, first date is first impression. i mean at least that first date like come on... i should also add, I would rather my date have a job... any job until they settle.

    0|1
    0|0
  • You mean so I'd have to pay for them when they actually were the ones to ask me out?
    Hell to the no.

    0|2
    0|0
  • lol, you know a first date can be going hiking, picnic... etc But let me warn you if you invite her to a place where money is needed you will most likely be expected to pay. You asked her out.

    1|1
    0|0
  • Yes, especially if he is the one who asked me on a date, which will usually be the case.

    1|1
    0|0
  • No. All the men I asked out were turned off by me wanting to pay for the date.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Not at all. It would be hypocritical of me to see it as something bad. There are plenty of ways to have date without spending money, just need to be a bit creative.

    0|1
    0|0
  • Not bad but it would be a turn off. I am not the kind of person who ask guys to pay for me but if the guy is that broke, i think he should start to change his life and find a good job to support himself.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Yes if your the one who asked her out

    1|0
    0|0
  • No, he only needs enough to pay for himself.

    0|1
    0|0
  • Yes I wouldn't be interested. Tbh

    1|0
    0|0
    • You again, you are sexist to men. You are expected to do the housework so run along please.

    • Show All
    • Satisfy women with the content of the date. That made me throw up a little, have we really not left that behind? I... I have no words for this stupidity. Women are there to appease men's visual senses? FUCK. RIGHT. OFF. No, no, no, you got it all twisted like an Eminem song featuring Sia. Yet ANOTHER person said society in general has lost respect for women. Eh, not really. If you genuinely think that I would probably either attribute that to projection of your own thoughts or just trying to seem like a better person than you actually are (something we all do, granted). You can't possibly say "Society is treating women poorly!" Without overgeneralizing. I know the US is sort of stuck in the past but come on, just apply some consistency to your beliefs. Inequal gender roles is basically Hitler yet men are the "natural providers"? See what I'm saying? If you, no matter gender, feel the need to pay for everything, maybe you don't bring enough to the table as it is. I don't know, who does?

    • @CamelzBeSteppin I agree with you. It's out of respect. But it goes both ways.

  • Most people are going to be in the same boat. Unemployment among millenials is at an all time high.

    0|1
    0|0
    • Unemployed = dating or finding love should be the least of one's worries anyway. That's part of the reason millenials have no job, messed up priorities.

    • Show All
    • I have a good 30-40 years left by then they will all be automated anyway.

    • @fuqthegovt nah.

  • Couldn't care less

    0|0
    0|0
  • Uhh that'd be turn off for me tbh. I would still be understanding and pay for everything anyway.

    0|0
    0|0
  • That should've been prearranged prior to the date get honest with the girl

    0|0
    0|0
  • if you don't pay for the first date you will never have a 2 date. She ll forget you and think your a loser

    0|0
    0|0
  • He should be able to pay half at least

    0|0
    0|0

What Guys Said 44

  • My opinion is... if someone is unable to pay for a date, even an inexpensive one, he/she isn't at that stage of their life when they should be dating, irrespective of gender.

    4|2
    0|0
    • Not sure I agree... If you tell the person in advance that changes the game in my eyes.

    • Show All
    • I sort of agree, but if he's a broke college student trying to date another broke college student I think that's fine... what's important is that both people are at relatively the same stage in life.

    • That's not entirely true, what about school age teenagers. Are they not allowed to date just because School aged teenagers are not established as adults do?

  • Im with @aficionado here... if you can't pay for the date, or at least have the capability, you probably:
    1. shouldn't ask anyone out
    2. at least give the girl a heads up
    3. shouldn't ask anyone out.

    Not the time to be "dating". I've had those times too... believe me. But, I have other ways you probably don't have... just be easy.

    0|1
    0|0
    • Exactly, mate! I am almost 30 now, but I am at a 'transitional' phase of my career. Although it's not that I can't afford dates, I have put off dating until I am emotionally (and financially) ready for it.

    • @aficionado especially financial. you know how society is. Thing is, for me, just to fuck with em, when i AM financially good, i try to make em pay during the date... its a good sifting technique.

  • Here's the way I've always done it: Whether it's for a date, just hanging out, you're both hungry, or anything else: If you invite someone to food, you should pay for it. If someone else invites you somewhere, you pay your share of whatever it was unless they absolutely insist that they're paying for you. If you don't have the money to pay for the two of you, a different activity might be a good choice. Why not cook at home? Or eat before meeting them, and do a different activity.

    0|1
    0|0
  • Should it be bad? No.
    Is it bad? Yes.

    0|4
    0|0
  • I voted B, but with the interpretation that you can at least pay half. That is fine, albeit less desirable for some women. If you cannot pay AT ALL, that's pretty bad

    0|1
    0|0
  • Honestly women are a headache dude. You are nothing to them but an atm machine. I would just make as much money as you can and only get sex whenever you need it. Anything beyond that us usually too much of a hassle. Unfortunately society tells women to let a man do everything basically. If you do find a woman that doesn't care, hold onto her and tight because she's rare. a lot of women's excuses will always be in there benefit. These days having sex tends to cost you a whole lot. Relationships are slowly turning into businesses and nothing more. Just have fun in college and don't let a woman tie you down unless you feel like it's absolutely worth it... it surely isn't necessary

    0|1
    0|0
  • Really this thing of guys paying for dates is a dinosaur... And a horrible way to start a relationship.

    if a woman thinks you need to pay for her, she's not what you want. Wait for one with a better attitude... or you'll be expected to pay for the divorce and child support too...

    Men have to learn to be extremely picky in modern times... suggest you read up on the marriage strike etc. there are reasons it happening... One woman can ruin your whole life...

    0|1
    0|0
    • Oh boy. I learned this exact lesson the hard way. I do not know if the girl thinks you are desperate or what... The thing is I am now tight with my money and wonder of wonder it has worked well.
      The game of show me your honey I give you my money is truly dead in my life.
      A girl will be in my life because she want to make something with me not because she wants something from me.
      This is the real dating heaven. Wish I had known earlier.

  • You better be REALLY good looking if you're that broke. Take your pick of reasoning but it's not a good thing.

    2|1
    0|0
  • There are guys who can get laid without paying for anything. Girls only expect guys to pay in a serious relationship. Look for fuckbuddies instead.

    0|1
    0|0
  • If you are broke or deep in debt you need to change this first before bringing another person into your world.

    0|0
    0|0
  • There is still the (wrongful) social custom that, at least until they are an official couple, the man pays for the date of a lady. Doesn't mean you have to shelf out hundreds of dollars, euros or whatever, wherever you live. But at least show that you can take care of a girl. organise dates according to your living standard. If you don't have money, do stuff that is free. Won't make it less fun. But don't make a woman pay for you. especially if you're the one asking her to a date.

    If she asks you to a date, she should be willing and able to foot the bill. But custom still dictates that you should be the one to pay, else, just decline the date or you decide where to go and what to do.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Here's how I see it: The person who does the asking, whether it's a guy or a girl, should be willing and able to pay for the entirety of a date. Given that many women, due to either discomfort or personal policy, don't ask guys out, that usually means the guy (given a heterosexual interaction). That doesn't mean you will end up paying the full amount. Many women feel more comfortable paying half. But you should have the ability and resources.

    If you don't, you shouldn't take your date anywhere that requires money. I've known people who have had decent relationships while effectively broke. They just do things that are low or no cost. Some people find that objectionable. You shouldn't try to date those people if you don't have money.

    0|0
    0|0
  • If he asked her out... yes. He should have made plans that he could afford.

    If she asked him out, she should pay. Women are spoiled and think the men should always pay. Girls use dating as a form of income. What happened to equality? It only matters when it's in their favor.

    0|0
    0|0
  • It all matters on the situation. I am always the type to want to pay for our meals and activities. On my either second or third date with my girlfriend we went to a big fair and i forgot to bring cash and messed up with the ATM and my card wouldn't let me withdraw until the next business day. I was mortified but told her honestly what was going on and she ended up paying for our food and activities that day. I did pay her back but the way she handled that situation helped me know she was definitely a keeper!!!

    0|0
    0|0
  • It's not the end of the world. If she cares that much then she's probably not right for u in my opinion.
    Also, if I was you I would maybe use some extra extra money saved for something as important as a first date if u really like her

    0|0
    0|0
  • I don't think it's bad in today's world... however the girl should know about it before the date, you won't wanna give her this little surprise when the bill comes, will you?

    0|0
    0|0
  • Honestly if someone asked me on a date then expected me to pay for all of it (I'm a male but to me that doesn't matter) in my mind I'd be like WTF, go ahead and pay it, then probably never call them again. Really I don't date much anyway (never have, been on like 3 dates my entire 42-year life) but if I saw someone absolutely irresistible there's still no way I'd ask her if I couldn't at least cover the cost. First impressions are everything and I'd imagine she'd be doing a private WTF as well. After we got to know each other if money was still tight but we still wanted to spend time together I'd suggest going dutch. When I was in hs/college I simply didn't date, school ate all my free time and most of my money anyway.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Yeah if you can't even pay for a first date then you have other priorities to deal with then trying to date at that moment since you should pay for a first date at least if you're the one that asked them out

    0|0
    0|0
  • If you ask her out, be ready to pay. You need to have at least some money for dating.

    But a tip, you don't have to spend a lot on dates. If you have financing issues, you can plan a lot cheaper dates, like visiting public free places like parks etc, and bringing home cooked meals etc.

    Expensive dates are not always better, you two can just have biscuits or pop corns on dates, and still have loads of fun.

    If a girl really likes you and find you worthy enough, she will co-operate with you.

    Some of the best dates i had were just dates in which i had spent less than $5, coffee, pop corns, home cooked meals etc!

    There are a lot of cheaper alternatives. Ask a question about "free/economical dates ideas" and we will help you best.

    0|0
    0|0
  • No matter what anyone says reality is different. You'll be overlooked by most girls if you can't even pay for dates. And if you asked her out then yes you're expected to pay.

    So it'll be best to find a girl who is aware of your situation, and you guys can refrain from any expensive activities. Can you not get enough time for PT job, all I can think of otherwise. Also good chance it might not lead to a relationship.

    0|0
    0|0
  • He should be able to cover himself. If he can't pay for himself, then he shouldn't be dating lol but then

    0|1
    0|0
  • Why should this be a double standard? Honesty is more important - just clarify that you'd love to treat her to Chez Panisse, but that it's not reasonable right now. Besides, dinner dates are overrated. Try suggesting something you can afford: a coffee date, a party with mutual friends, a hike or a long walk, free museum or zoo day, the beach, riding bikes, a picnic... almost all of those are fun than a stuffy dinner and drinks date anyways!

    0|1
    0|0
  • Unless you want to slave the rest of your life AND raise his kids, RUN AWAY! He is a loser and if you get in a relationship with him, you are too! Love your kids, find a good, WORKING potential dad.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Yea, that's bad. As a man, we are supposed to at the very least BE ABLE TO cover all the expense on the first date. And we should do that. If you can't cover it, just wait a little bit until you can. That what I think.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Wow, pretty much completely 50/50. I think it depends on context. If you're asking someone you don't really know that well on a first date, you should be able to pay. If it's someone you know very well (like you've been friends for quite a while) and they know your story, I'd say it'd be more acceptable. Also depends on the girl. If she's a stuck up little "princess", then she would probably expect you to pay regardless. If she's more down to earth, I'm sure she'd understand

    0|0
    0|0
  • You don't need a lot of money to go out on a date. Parks are free. Pack a lunch and have a picnic.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Ask her do do something that doesn't cost anything like a walk through a park or something

    0|1
    0|0
  • If you don't mind broke guys or gals $ is secondary. Do fun stuff that is free or little $

    0|0
    0|0
  • That means he only wants her body under him in bed

    0|0
    0|0
  • mow someone's lawn.

    0|0
    0|0
  • More from Guys
    14
Loading...