I just started talking to this guy 4 weeks ago. He informed me he was dating this girl for 8 years on and off and they recently ended everything about 3 months ago after she moved out with him. He's 26 and I'm 21 and sometimes I feel like he's been there and done that. We've already had sex and I must admit I was pushing a tad but but he's the one wanting to hang out with me and spend the nights over (and not every time have sex) and going out and calling me. Now I'm not looking for a relationship just yet but I don't want to just be that girl who he texts when he wants and comes over when he wants, I want it to eventually lead to something. He said he wanted to slow things down because he wants to be sure that if he's going to do this he's need to be positive because he doesn't want to get hurt again which I understand. But now it's like I'm afraid I'll just become that casual girl he sees once a week or only texts when he has the time. Because then just because you're taking it slow you still are suppose to be getting to know each other. So how do I keep him interested with still giving him space and knowing that he's not trying to put me into that "I want everything that comes with the relationship without it actually being one " how can I still lead it in the right direction?
We went too fast and now he wants to take it slow! Where will it leave us?
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What Girls Said 2
Firstly, STOP having sex. You can literally avoid becoming the casual hook up by not giving him sex. You are absolutely right. Taking things slow doesn't mean giving him everything on a plate; it means taking away the benefits of being with you and spending time outside the bedroom getting to know one another. Having sex will not build trust or feelings. Talking and spending time together not having sex will build trust and allow him to get to know you. This will make it easier to establish true feelings that isn't clouded by sex.
It really all comes down to taking anything sexual off the table and allow him YOU as a person on a friendship level ; not a hook up level. If he actually wants to take things slow and get to know you, he'll realize he can do that perfectly without having sex with you.1
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