What is it like to date someone who is emotionally abusive?

What are things this person does?

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Most Helpful Guy

  • I lived this:

    Depends on the abusers defect, but I dated a "borderline personlity". They will pull you in and then push you away.

    Highly moody (up and down)... like a roller caoster emotionally.
    Lots of negativity
    Controlling via emotion (like a child) to get what they want or have their needs met.
    Sometimes angry

    What it is like is... you start out feeling ok and by the end of it you/I could not feel my emotions, I had none. I was ground down like sawdust. took months to recover after 4 years. It wasn't all her "fault" I had my reasons for picking her, my flaws I brought into relationship... it isn't a one sided thing. But it was painful in that emotionally one shuts down.

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    • It's interesting to hear from someone who dated a person with borderline, because I feel as though I involved myself with someone like this. Was there ever a time where she'd act needy or like she really wants you in her life, but then suddenly push you away basically because she thought you were "too much" for her to handle? Did she ever criticize you for being too needy?

    • *Directly after she, herself, had sought your reassurance and company?

    • Somewhat. Needy defines them... he may be projecting onto you or maybe you are... basically they are operating out of a parental wound... in my GF's case, her father abused her verbally and physically... he controlled her verbally... she was shut down and not allowed to speak. But like any kid, she wanted the love of dad, all she wanted.. his attention.

      So she ended up trying to pull that from me and fill that hole. I ended up getting the emotional abuse from her. She was in counseling, never described herself this way, but my counselor figured it out.

      I was not critized for being too needy. Realize... you were attracted to him! So you may have a wound as well (possible) that draws you to that type! Sub conscious is making the decisions...
      Your guy... probably has a mom wound like that?
      Want a counselor to talk to? I'd suggest talking to a local one, but if want one via phone lmk... I know mine knows this subject... I went through 5 until I found one that really got it.

Most Helpful Girl

  • They guilt trip you into doing something you don't want to, or to believing something you know to not be true.
    They manipulate you into thinking a certain way.
    They lie to you often, so often you believe them even though you know it isn't true.
    Just talking to them makes you so sad and exhausted.
    Their presence causes more unease than anything else.
    You love them wholly yet they don't seem to love you at all.
    They put you through a lot of unnecessary stress.
    They treat your relationship as if it was a game.
    They make you cry often.
    They try to control you, your actions and thoughts.
    They try to make you believe as if they're the only ones who will ever love you.
    They'll make you feel like shit just by talking to them.
    They'll try to make you believe that you can't get away from them.

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What Guys Said 11

  • I've dated 3 emotionally abusive women. Last time I was 33. I can probably recognize the signs a lot faster now! One thing is that they make you feel like you are failing in some way, even though you are really not. The first lady who tried to do this to me, I was REALLY puzzled as to why she thought I was mis-treating her. She could never give me any kind of answer as to what she meant. Another sign is they try to keep you from having much of a life outside of *the relationship*. That is pretty confining unless you thrive on co-dependency. One "straw that broke the camel's back" with me was that I confided in her with some issues I was having in the workplace with a difficult co-worker. She turned it around on me and tried to make me look bad. THIS after listening to her rant about her work problems ever since I met her. Maybe it is some sick attempt to try to keep you under their control?

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  • double standards, then freaking out when you do what they do. ie they can have female friends, but you can't have guy friends. they'll disrupt friendships with girls and guys you're friends with, they'll disrupt family ties. they'll make you silent to BS going on, you may start covering their tracks for them. they'll tell you you're not good enough to be with them, and to be grateful to be with them. they'll be stubborn about it, then when you're starting to say what is going on, that's when they'll inform you that they're with the next chick. power crazy, manipulative, making you depend on them, constantly breaking you down. it sucks

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  • there always putting you down comparing you to others while making the other person in a better light then you.

    when you want to do thing they give a sad sob story about how they never get some unimportant thing that only matters to them should be what should happen. it leads to a controlling relationship that ends up with someone in the hospital if they get to comfortable with tearing you down emotionally.

    you should go while the getting is good their not worth it.

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  • Controlling and manipulative, while keeping you away from others isolated and often putting you down.

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  • Hmm doesn't think about your emotions and just does it. Isn't tender, isn't caring, isn't communicating with emotional implications such as feelings about certain situations and what not.

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  • I don't know, fortunately I haven't had this expecience. And I hope I'll never find out.

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  • I've never acted that way or been with somebody who is like that, but I have to imagine it is incredibly draining and wears you out

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  • NOOOOO !

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  • feels good man

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  • you to abused?

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  • It is hell incarnate. I have suffered that my whole life and it ruins many many people... I have been told I was worthless dressed down in front of others, plus physical abuse which heals faster. think about the next time ya tell somebody to screwoff how it makes you feel then repeat it everyday 200 times a day now ya getting it. kill their self esteem kill them good stuff rite... I Bloody Well Do Not Think So.

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What Girls Said 9

  • F to the U C K no. i already have enough of that.

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  • it's horrible. among other things? they threaten to kill themselves (as if!) whenever you do anything that upsets them - like giving them less attention than what they demand, or not doing something they asked you to, or questioning them/their behavior. they're always criticizing you but if you criticize them they're suddenly the poor, innocent victim. they deliberately make you feel like you're worthless and they're saints for putting up with you, and if you were to leave them, nobody else would ever want you.

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  • You constantly feel like you've done something wrong. You have to watch what you say because it might result in them getting mad at you. They shut you out.. They flip everything on you. They purposely say thing structured to personally hurt your feelings.

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  • Draining. Horrible. Lots of double standards and you get mistreated. And the person who is the abuser never thinks they do anything wrong. It's awful. The worst part is that a lot of emotional abused people don't even realize it's happening. It took me a year to figure it out.

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  • It's awful.

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  • I don't know ask my exes

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  • I have met a lot of emotionally abusive men, I have never been in a relationship with them but you will know if you are in one if you feel like shit

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  • After my ex went to a university, things weren't the same anymore. I started to get anxiety and depression disorders.
    (...)
    I'm sorry... it's a little painful still to talk about. He just was a natural flirt when I wasn't around, and he never told those girls he was dating me.

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  • They manipulate you and they always put the blame on you.

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