Sorry for this long novel I'm about to write, but I'd love all feedback. I met a guy on okcupid. We hit it off well. We've gone on multiple dates and when I'm with him everything is great. It's been a little over a month and things are great, when we're together. But when we aren't he's not a big texter, which is fine sometimes. I constantly feel like I'm bugging him if I text him, he replies with one word answers or sometimes doesn't reply. He told me from the beginning he's not big into texting and he's not really ever on his phone in person, so I understand. But I do get insecure when we're not together. We see each other multiple times on the weekends and maybe once or twice during the week if our Schdules allow.
I'm ready to jump to the next level and introduce him to my family, but I want sercuity first. We've never talked about where we want our relationship to go, and I don't know how to bring it up, or when... Without scaring him off.
i feel like because this is on my mind and he hasn't given me any clues to how he feels, I've distanced myself recently. I'm not sure if I should go forth with bringing up how I feel, or when the timing is right, or what not. What do I say? How do I say it? When do I say it? Mind you, I've been single for 4 years and my last ex is the one who brought all of this stuff up, so I've never had to be the one to bring it up. Of course I'm scared of rejection but I want to know what's going on with us, without scaring him off.
Most Helpful Guy
Read the book by John Gray, Mars and Venus on a date. you are in stage two... so all is normal. Guys sometimes are slow at this and you are right, too much pressure could scare him off, but your backing away could do more damage because he deson't know why and may assume you aren't interested.
I'd open the discussion and ask questions or state your position... that you'd like to commit to dating him and he to you... that is what you want.
The amount of time spent and such has to be negotiated. I don't like texsting either, but maybe a call each day or every other day. gotta be careful, this can be too much for some people. Girls get this way.. wanting to be drawn near moreso than guys... especially if he's an introvert.
Most Helpful Girl
Yes you should have the talk with him. It doesn't matter how he feels, what matters is how YOU feel. And you obviously feel bothered by his lame texting. Which is understandable, I'd feel bothered too. Hell, I think I'd even dump him.
All these guys telling you to relax and how you're over-reacting... geez. It just tells me how much they don't give a damn about our needs. It's one thing not giving a damn about texting, but a totally different thing not giving a damn about what bothers us. One guy wrote that you distancing yourself is not good because he might take it as a lack of interest, well about his awful texting skills gives YOU the impression that he's not interested. Relationships are all about meeting and respecting each others needs, even when we think those needs are stupid.
Just ask yourself, are you 100% sure that you want to continue this relationship giving a fact that he is a lame texter and it's never gonna change? Because it's not gonna change. You are in a stage where you should be all over each other, the honey-moon phase, and it seems to me like you're not feeling it. Imagine how it will be after a year then, he will text you back in like a week lol.
Anyways, talk to him nicely about it and see where it goes. I once had the same problem with a guy I was dating and when I confronted him he got angry and called me insecure, needy and that I'm over-reacting. I dumped his ass right there because I don't need a boyfriend who's gonna react that way on my concerns. Yes I am needy and sometimes insecure, are you gonna attack me for being me or are you gonna do something about it, you know? He choose to attack me and I choose to move on.0