So my girlfriend and I have been together for about six months. I am really in love with her, bur I have been having a lot of trouble lately. I can't stop thinking about her past and it is killing me emotionally. She was sleeping with another guy (a black man) behind my back for 4 weeks after a bad relationship. I was falling in love with her then, and she liked me too but was too afraid to get into a relationship then. Since she ended things with the other guy we have started dating and things were going great until I found out about her history with this other guy. It has been getting progressively worse and it is causing a lot of hostility and trust issues on my part, and we aren't that happy anymore. I am so deeply in love with this girl I cannot possibly imagine not being with her, but I really dont know what to do. I can't get this picture out of my head. She has only been with two guys other than me so it isn't like she has a horrible past, I just can't believe she was doing that behind my back before we were together. What do I do?
Most Helpful Girl
You keep using the phrase "behind my back", but you weren't dating when she slept with her previous partner. Right? That's the key part. Insecurity and jealousy are normal human feelings, but don't let them lead you astray. If she wasn't dating you when she slept with her previous partner, then she did nothing wrong. She didn't cheat on you or go behind your back. Her sexual behavior doesn't concern you unless she's dating you, so it would have made no sense for her to let you know what she was doing at the time. We all have pasts. This is a situation where your concerns are irrational. I know that doesn't make it any easier to get over them, but try to understand that you can't be upset with your girlfriend for things she did while she wasn't dating you.1
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Most Helpful Guy
At this point man, it's your call on what you're willing to do. If you want a relationship with this girl, you have to accept what she did and move on. That's really the only way if you want to keep her. You have to be able to trust her if you want a relationship with her, because frankly you need trust to have a healthy relationship.
Also, it was before you were "together". She didn't commit to you, and you didn't commit to her. It's not her fault for having sex with another guy, because you guys were official. There aren't any rules before that point. And yeah, it could have been courteous for her to tell you, but there was no explicit rule stating she could / couldn't sleep with him.
If you can't get it out of your head and can't deal with it and move on. You have to accept the fact it's not meant to be. You need trust, but if you can't trust her you're going to do something stupid down the line and ruin it even more.
What happened was in the past. The past. Right now you're in the present and currently her future. She's choosing you right now. It'd be one thing if she cheated on you, but she hasn't. If you don't trust her right now, that's on you. Besides, she willingly told you, and honestly told you, her past. That shouldn't mean you shouldn't trust her.
Best of luck mate :)0