Boyfriend called me a tease?

So my boyfriend and I have been dating for six months and he knows perfectly well that I don't intend on having sex until after marriage. But that doesn't mean that I don't occasionally like to get his imagination going in that direction lol :P We obviously do a lot of heavy making out and other things but I never let it cross the line into anything beyond that. But he called me a tease the other day and I was upset by the comment because I'm really not trying to be and I'm just doing what I know is right for me. We're both extremely committed to each other and I know he respects my decision to abstain from sex but what would make him say something like that? Is he just saying that to get in my head or does he really think I'm just playing with his emotions? I swear that's not the case because I truly love him & I would never intentionally hurt him or toy with his emotions like that. Why would make a guy call a girl a tease? Please let me know and I feel really guilty that he sees me in this way :( Thanks for answering!


1|0
9|11

Most Helpful Guy

  • He loves you, he wants to be very physical with you or at least a little. He is becoming sexually frustrated to a point where literally any physical interaction would be greatly appreciated.

    If I had to guess, "I was upset by the comment because I'm really not trying to be and I'm just doing what I know is right for me" really means he's making you feel uncomfortable about you're life decision which there could of course be many reasons for.

    He knows you're not playing with his emotions, deep down, you probably know too. But at the end of the day he doesn't seem to want to wait until marriage.

    You have a lot of thinking to do. Starting with whether or not you really love this person and whether or not he loves you. Then you should ask yourself why you want to wait for marriage, and if it actually makes sense or accomplishes anything.

    0|0
    0|0
    • I've been in a few other relationships before (three of them) and two of them broke up with me because I wasn't willing to have sex which obviously really hurt me. But the boyfriend I have now is very accepting of my views and doesn't ever pressure me into anything I'm not comfortable with. It's not easy finding guys who are willing to accommodate that so I just really value his commitment to me and that he is so supportive of me in so many ways. I know we're both very happy together because we're already super close (I'm his first serious girlfriend) but it makes me nervous because he most of his ex girlfriends didn't last very long (2-4 weeks). We are very different which is what I think makes us work so well together. Thanks for your great advice! :) You're right that I have A LOT to think about :)

    • Its not easy to ask yourself these questions. Make no mistake that the hardest thing to do in life is be honest with yourself. Emotionally speaking, it's like performing surgery on yourself. You cut yourself open knowing you need to do it. You keep trying to make excuses for yourself most of the time without realizing it because its so much easier to ignore the problem.

      In other words, good luck. I hope you figure this all out and you have Telekinetic-Potato rooting for you :)

    • Your answer was so sweet and thoughtful! :) Thank you and appreciate your encouragement! :)

Most Helpful Girl

  • First of all, this is my personal opinion. I cannot get upset with your boyfriend if your the one agreeing to heavy make out sessions with him, or get him to lust after you but you expect him to 'respect' your decisions in waiting till marriage. It's not going to work. This is why men often bounce, because your getting their hopes up for something they feel they'll never get from you. This not only bruises the male ego, it is also psychologically damaging to both partners. Causing a male get sexually frustrated is not a pretty picture. And he is being completely honest with you because you are not only teasing him, but this leads to abuse of power. Because say if you do get married to him and you waited. What do you think is going to happen if you continue that behavior? It'll lead to arguments, resentment, cheating, a sexless marriage and then divorce. Why? Because you caused it. He does think your playing with his emotions, especially if he reacted negatively towards it. If not, he will eventually. I suggest that you stop getting very physical with him if you are truly looking to wait for marriage. Otherwise this is not going to work, and you will eventually end up having sex with him because he can't or refuses to control himself. And when you think you have control, your going to that you don't and never did. It will not only make you both miserable, but at some point he is going to want to start looking else where. This is how cheating, sexless marriages and divorce come into play. Remember, what you do before marriage will effect you when your married.

    I know this, because this a mistake my friend made before she just recently got married to her now husband when she was with her ex. It masked a lot of emotional abuse and problems. And it not only made her miserable, she had to get therapy for nearly 3 months because of it. You don't want any guilt or hurt him, don't do this. I can't tell you what to do, but I will guarantee you every penny, nickel and dime I have. You will regret it. If you two want to have sex that badly, get married then. Don't waste months and years just to commit to something that will never last.

    0|0
    0|0
    • Sorry. I meant to say: your going to realize that you don't...

    • Hey I really appreciate your advice/insight but trust me when I say that we're both perfectly happy together :) I'm sorry it didn't work out for your friend but that doesn't mean that the same ending is inevitable for my future. A lot of people recommended that I discuss the issue with my boyfriend & I already have. I read too much into his comment and he only said it playfully as a joke (all in good fun). Even though I'm totally in love with him I would totally understand if he wanted to walk out on me. Of course I'd be very upset but I wouldn't resent him for it because I know guys need their physical needs to be met as well. He enjoys our playful banter & the way we create fun ways around sex that don't exceed what I'm willing to do. Maybe I'll change my mind somewhere down the line but he's serious about (I'm his longest relationship) & I don't see him leaving anytime soon :) I appreciate your advice immensely though! :)

What Guys Said 10

  • Tell him how that made you feel and why, your intentions etc. You are being one but you're not intentionally doing it. It may have been meant as a good or bad thing, depends on the guy. Some guys love a tease, others don't. But if it was a bad thing to him, then you need to explain yourself to him like you've done here so he knows you don't mean to be (he probably knows this already but communication is best to "clear the air" between you).

    0|0
    0|0
    • Definitely not intentional lol. He usually seems to like the fact that I'm a "tease" as he put it because he never seems impatient/frustrated or irritated by it. He is a generally very good natured about it and even said so with a laugh when he first made the comment. I'll talk to him and see what happens :) Thanks!

  • "he knows perfectly well that I don't intend on having sex until after marriage. But that doesn't mean that I don't occasionally like to get his imagination going in that direction lol "

    There's your answer. You tease him and think it's funny.

    0|1
    0|0
    • This isn't a rhetorical question by the way :) wouldn't most guys walk away if the girlfriend wasn't doing ANYTHING physical? :)

  • Being a tease is a good thing lol, a lot of guys like it, myself included.

    0|0
    0|0
    • What does a girl do to make you think she's a tease? :)

    • Show All
    • Maybe some girls do it intentionally but not me ahaha :) I think it can be fun sometimes but sometimes it's a little cruel (depending on what the girls does) :)

    • Haha fair enough, but most of the time it's not.

  • ... Well, you ARE binding your sexual intimacy to government papers.

    0|0
    0|0
    • I'm not following you. Sorry lol :) what do you mean?

  • Not having sex and not being satisfied are not necessarily the same thing.

    0|0
    0|0
    • How do you mean? :)

    • Show All
    • So he shouldn't be TOO bad off.

    • I'm sure he'll survive ahah :) Thanks for answering my question! :)

  • Wait until marriage? I'd be so gone.

    0|0
    0|0
    • Lol :) I know what you mean. I dated two other guys and they both left me because I wouldn't have sex with them. That's why I'm really glad to have found my current boyfriend because he truly respects me and is perfectly okay with waiting for me since we do other things that are very fun ahaha ;) It may not be sex but at least I know he's in it for the long haul if he's willing to stick around. Thanks for answering my question!

  • " But that doesn't mean that I don't occasionally like to get his imagination going in that direction lol We obviously do a lot of heavy making out and other things but I never let it cross the line into anything beyond that. But he called me a tease the other day and I was upset by the comment because I'm really not trying to be and I'm just doing what I know is right for me. We're both extremely committed to each other and I know he respects my decision to abstain from sex"

    1) You yourself wrote that you like to tease him. It is normal, and it would be not normal otherwise.

    2) You are not abstaining from sex. "Heavy making out" is entirely sex.

    0|0
    0|0
    • I'm not deliberately being a tease though lol. Making out is entirely different than sex and I haven't done anything even close to that. It depends on your definition of "heavy making out" because mine does not create a gateway for sex in any way to be honest :) Thanks for your opinion even though I disagree with it lol :)

  • Well obviously he wants sex so when you tease him and make him want sex and you back away that's basically teasing. I suggest you stop trying to make your boyfriend horny. Also he sounds like he's getting impatient.

    0|0
    0|0
    • He was very good natured when he said it though so I can't tell if it's something that's truly bothering him. Would it be a good idea to just talk to him about it and see what he meant? :)

    • Yes. Communication is key. Talk to him about how he really feels.

  • It sounds like you should ask him whether he enjoys the teasing and knowing how you do want him in the future... or not.

    It may depend on context. If it seems like you find it a joke that he gets worked up, he probably resents it. If he feels like you share in the desire then he probably likes it.

    0|0
    0|0
    • I think you're right that we should talk about it :) When he called me a tease he didn't say it in an angry way or even with irritation. He just kind of laughed it off and didn't seem like he was bothered. But I'll talk to him about it anyway because I wanna make sure he's okay with everything. Thanks for the advice! :)

  • Sounds like you are deliberately making him horny and then denying him... that's being a tease.

    You are playing in him by directing him in a sexual manner. I'm sure he will eventually get sex somewhere else.

    0|0
    0|0
    • Like I said we're both very committed to each other & if he wants to get sex somewhere else because I'm not providing it then that's his choice :)

What Girls Said 8

  • Oh don't be sad! No no, I think you're misinterpreting what he means by tease. Like you can tease a guy about sex, like exactly the way you're doing. You get his mind going in that direction, he really wants it, but you say no. It's totally fine, and it's definitely in a playful way if he respects your decision to not have sex. This isn't about playing with emotions or anything.

    0|0
    0|0
    • Aww, thank you! :) I just didn't want him to misinterpret my actions as something else because he's seriously such a sweetheart and makes me very happy lol :)

    • No no I don't think he is :) I think he means just sexually.

  • To tease someone is to lead them on and not deliver. So by doing "heavy making out and other things", its getting him aroused and wanting sex. if you know that you aren't ready for it or plan on having it before marriage then you need to tone it down a notch.

    0|0
    0|0
  • I think it's beautiful what you are doing! And tori doing this for yourself which means you value and respect yourself as a woman! 👏👏 Now that I said that I don't think you should be worried. Well kind off because i don't know the whole story, cause you know even a small detail like "you are a tease" or "you're such a tease!" Could make a difference. But seeing as how you have been strong for 6 months and him knowing your not going to bang he dearly loves you for yourself and your chemistry is very good!👌 Also if you all of a sudden feel insecure you should talk to him about it because it's your cookie so it's your rules!

    0|0
    0|0
    • Awww, your comment was very encouraging & sweet! :) I really appreciate that and I think some people were getting the wrong impression of me. I don't deliberately do things to "tease" him but I do them for myself. I'm in my 20s and of course sometimes the idea of going all the way with him crosses my mind but I'm not going to. It's just hard sometimes because we see each other all the time and sometimes spend nights at each other's houses. But I appreciate your advice & support :)

    • Yeah you're welcome! And you should keep on doing you and don't care about what people think it's your right and as long as he respects that you don't need to worry about anybody else.👌😁

  • Cause you're teasing him! You give him the taste and let him wanting more, I'm sure he didn't say that in a bad way

    0|0
    0|0
    • I hope he doesn't see it in a bad way because like I said I really care about him :)

  • He was either joking or he said it because you turn him on without getting him off, but since he knows your waiting that's his problem

    0|0
    0|0
  • well it's on him if he knows that you aren't going to have sex why would he try to go further then kissing... he'll get over it.

    0|0
    0|0
    • Aahahha thanks :) Agreed!

  • You're a tease because you get his imagination going but then with hold the coochie.

    0|0
    0|0
    • The way you phrased that is funny for some reason lol :)

    • Hahah good I love to make people laugh!

  • It's just a word. Don't take it so personally

    0|0
    0|0
Loading...