How many chances do you give a guy to change?

My boyfriend and I have been off and on the past 8 months. My big issue is him going away every weekend to his hometown. After our last breakup he wrote an email saying he loves me, wants to change, said he'll start the transition by coming back on Sundays to spend the day with me. I know no one is perfect, he might fail, but I did tell him I want him to show me that he's for real by actions and consistency. He says he's for real, but I need to see the change not just hear the words. I told him I'm stepping back and seeing what happens, but it's difficult when I love him. Should I just relax and not be so obsessed with him failing? So far he's making an effort but I'm cautious. Any advice would be appreciated!


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Most Helpful Guy

  • People can't change, save for a short time (and under constrainment).

    You should consider finding someone suiting you better, or trying to feel ok with the way he naturally is.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • depends on the guy. thing is, I'm not giving a guy chances to CHANGE. I'm giving a guy chances to UNDERSTAND that there are things I'm not okay with, and try his best not to persist with those things. as long as there is effort, I'm fine, but if he's got the mentality of "this is who i am", forget it.

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What Guys Said 6

  • Age:36.. He won't change. Move on.

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  • Guys dont change honey. We change our behaviours temporarily but our personality stays the same. Once a jerk is always a jerk.

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  • Maybe 2 or 3 max

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  • Exactly 6.

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  • I say you give him a 2nd chance.
    What was he doing back home?
    ask him to bring you one weekend

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  • A guy will never change. It is unrealistic to expect this. Move on. Don't try to change him. He'll resent you for it.

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What Girls Said 9

  • First reactions would be = 7x70 times if he's The One
    Giving NO reason why someone would break his neck to go home = you are gathering blind opinons to support your side, not really asking a question based upon all facts on table
    Ergo, all we are left to think is poor you, hold off and find some other playmate until he begins to interfere with those plans.

    Shame on you if he's going "home" to be a dad in a broken home, care for invalid family, take a 2nd job to pay off debts and pave a better life for you

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  • Give him 3 chances... you've already gone through this several times. He's stated he's going to change, so send if he does. I Know knits hard and ur mind is always going toward the negative but u really do have to step and see what he does his own. 8 mths is a long time to be dealing with the same issue over and over. U have decide if u have enough tolerance to keep up with that if he doesn't come through. Good luck!

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  • The moment the relationship becomes "on-again-off-again" you should just break up. It's unhealthy for the two of you.

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  • I either accept people as they are OR don't give them any of my time.

    ie: People can't change each other!!!

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  • All I had to read was "off and on for 8 months" and I had my answer. Then I read that he leaves every weekend thus not making you any type of priority which solidified my response below:

    Find a new boyfriend. There are other men out there, go find one you do not have to worry about and who makes you a priority.

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  • 3. That's it.

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  • GUYS NEVER EVER CHANGE to the disadvantage of us ladies

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  • I am not patient anymore. None.

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  • I've never asked a guy to change. When you get involved with someone, you know what they, and their life are about.
    It is true that relationships need some sacrifice every once in a while, but they also need some understanding.
    There is always room for compromise such as, like you said, him coming back a little earlier, perhaps every other every other weekend at least.
    It's understandable that you want him to have at least some of his free time with you, but if he isn't willing, you may have to either get used to it or walk away.

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