I slept with a guy on the first date - can a relationship work or is it doomed to failure?

I recently went out with a man I met online. We'd texted for two weeks before, and he lives an hour so from me. We met for a coffee midday, and we hit it off, so we decided to extend our date and go to dinner too. We had a great connection and we made each other laugh. I was also very attracted to him physically, and I could tell he felt the same about me. My last train home was at 7.00PM and he said I could stay at his; I was initially a bit surprised at his suggestion (I've never stayed over on a first date before) but I impulsively agreed as it was rare to go on a date with someone I felt so comfortable with. We ended up back at his after a few drinks at a bar, and we slept together.
During the date, I found out he'd not been or slept with a girl for a few years, and he kept saying he "couldn't believe I was there with him," as he'd never slept with a girl on the first date too, and "how comfortable he felt with me" (please note, he said this the morning after too.)

I really like him. I'm not after a fling (which I told him) and neither is he. I texted him the evening after I left, thanking him for a great time, and that I hoped to see him again. He replied back saying he did too, but didn't hint at seeing me again, (despite saying he did the morning after I stayed over)

So what do I do next?

I'm really worried that sleeping with him means it's over and that this will go nowhere. Do you think there's a chance it can work? I've decided not to text him for a few days since thanking him to give him space, but I've heard nothing since.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • I think you should text him. Seriously? To "give him space? Do you want something with him, or are you trying to actively ensure your self-fulfilling prophesy of "oh no, we had sex, we were doomed!" Forcefully and artificially comes into fruition?

    Text the dude back.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • There are some guys who will never date a girl that sleeps with them on the first date out of principle, but the surprising reality is that that’s only a small percentage of men who are that are that rigid.

    There are some guys who will never date a girl that sleeps with them on the first date out of principle, but the surprising reality is that that’s only a small percentage of men who are that are that rigid.

    If you want a relationship, I would encourage you to find ways to connect on a deeper level. Let him know you, get to know him. Understand him, give him space to open up. You can’t force it, but if it’s a possibility, creating the space would be a good direction to go.

    If you want him to be more open with you, demonstrate openness. If you want him to connect with you on a deeper level, demonstrate coming from a deeper level. Not every guy will go for this (he might not be in that place), but if he is, he might just begin walking down that path with you

    Wishing you the best of luck.

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    • Thanks that's great advice. I'm intrigued by what you mean by how "I should demonstrate openness from a deeper level"?

What Guys Said 15

  • I did this with my wife who I'm still happily married on the 8th year.

    We just had this kind of chemistry where we couldn't keep our hands off each other once we started to show any physical affection, though funnily out date was awkward until we did this (she was my friend for a while before and it was difficult to elevate the date from just friendly).

    Chances are if he's into you, the timing in which you had sex makes little difference. I never judged a woman based on how quickly she slept with me, I just chose the egotistical perspective: "wow, this girl slept on me on the first date -- I'm a stud!", not, "wow, this girl slept with me on the first date -- she's a slut!". I think most guys will prefer to feed their egos in this case, unless you look and act like someone who puts out easily, and in this case you definitely didn't act like it.

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    • I did this with my wife [with] who[m] I'm still happily married on the 8th year.
      [...] though funnily out [/our] date [...]

    • As for what to do next, do it again. If the sex was amazing, he'll probably want to see you again just as much (though sometimes people act all weird here and play games).

      Think of sex as just accelerating the relationship. If he dated you for a while and there was no sexual chemistry there even if you waited for months to have sex, chances are that it wouldn't have worked out. Having sex sooner just makes it so you find that you two really love each other or not sooner.

  • Unless he's completely full of shit, your having slept with him somewhat increases the chances of a relationship. But it's not guaranteed, it never is after one date! There are some guys who like sex fast while looking down on women who have sex. But I doubt that's the case here. I suspect such men are less frequently found in your part of the world, if I've guessed it correctly from one turn of phrase you used ;) So I think what you've got is one really good date. It doesn't guarantee a relationship, but a great date is a positive sign.

    Hope it works well.

    I wouldn't be paranoid about not texting him, because that might weird him out. You were up front about looking for something more than a fling, so don't go all weird BECAUSE you had sex. Text him, tell him you had a great time and look forward to seeing him again. THEN let him get back to you.

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  • It certainly isn't an ideal beginning, but still there is a chance that this can work. You have done all you can do and now you should wait for him to contact you. . . or not.

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  • I've done similar. Currently been together over a year, couldn't be happier together. Everything felt 'right' with us.

    Had it happen in the past, too. One of those lasted over a decade.

    Stop 'giving him space' and send him a 'hey, how's it going?' thing to restart the conversation and make plans for your next date!

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  • Yeah, it can work, just don't let communication fade away.

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  • You're totally fine. You've been talking so much beforehand.

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  • For my longest and best relationships, we had sex on the first or second date.

    Until you said "train", I thought maybe you were talking about having gone out with me.

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  • Once a guy sleeps with a girl he can figure out if he wants more or not. He may find out that's all he was looking for. He may discover he wants more of you in every way.

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  • I did this, and was married for 22 years

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  • it can work.

    my two relationships were sexxed on teh first meeting.

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  • meeh maybe...

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  • That's odd he hasn't contacted you. So make the next move and see if he'd like to go out again.

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  • You gave him all the power by opening your legs, good luck

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  • What is happening has far more to do with the nature of males than with any mistake you imagine you made.

    It's normal for men to want a good fuck on the first meeting, dress it with nice words (after all, they are thankful...), add a nice "see you" and smile on top of it, and, since the day after, make the woman understand they don't need to meet anymore.
    This is a standard pattern, and has nothing to do with what you didn't or did: if it is to happen, it happens.

    From your question I infer you aren't very, how to say, life-wise and experienced. It's cute how you believe all what he said (he hadn't had sex for a long time, and the others) :)

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  • I think it could still work, sex doesn't always mean a guy got what he wanted and that's that, if you clicked well and liked each other then I think there is more dates to come

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What Girls Said 9

  • I did this on my second date, and I have had the best 2 years of my life following that. We had to break up due to long distance and different career paths on two different continents, but we still love each other, I know that. Dont be afraid of cliches like your relationship won't work if you have sex early etc.

    But this all depends on how the sex went. And to my understanding the guy is thankful too but kind of scared or insecure due to his condition of not having sex or maybe dating with someone for a few years. This really intimidates him and i think he is insecure he may think you were not satisfied or you were not willing to talk to him and you just said all those things to be kind. Well, I know guys do not read into things too much, or as much as girls do, but he may still think like that.

    I think you gave him enough space for two three days. If you have something you both like as in common, maybe a concert for example, tell him to go together or do something together. If he does not answer, it is his loss, and if he answers, it means he was not brave enough to take first step and you're thankfully a big girl to do that for him.

    Good luck. Let us know how things go.

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  • This can still work. I think the best thing to do is contact him and see if you two can meet up again. Maybe not right away, but not texting him might send the wrong message also.

    I think if you send him a message saying you had a good time. Maybe see if he'd be up for another date and see how things go. If this guy isn't wanting to message you, that's his loss. He may have had a good time but there are plenty of guys who will want to be with you. Let this guy go if he can't appreciate you.

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  • It seems like there's a very slight chance of any relationship forming from this.
    You can wait until he decides to contact you, or contact him. But don't be surprised if he ghosts on you.

    How long has it been?

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    • The last message was from him just talking about his day. Not heard anything for 2 days. I've already initiated the first contact after staying over.

  • I slept with my boyfriend on the first date and we still like each other. Sometimes you click and that's it. Whatever happens, you got laid, and if he disappears, you can find someone else. Finding love isn't about rules and tricks to get a guy. It just happens, whether you bang or not. Was he good?

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  • Tl;dr, but to answer the title question: yeah it's possible but depends on the guy.

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  • you should've said no to going to his house, played a little hard to get, I'm sure he would've tooken you much more seriously (I'm saying this from experience Hun), wait for him to text you, if he doesn't text you after a week or two, he isn't interested, he already had you, he already did it with you. (Not trying to come off as rude, sorry if this was offensive)

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  • I slept with my boyfriend on our 4th date. Guy wants to marry me and have kids with me til this day.

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  • It won't work
    Just cut your losses early before you get hurt

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  • I had never slept with somebody on a first date before, and never thought I would. I met this guy online, we were speaking for ages and we finally met. Like your situation we both felt super comfortable, and we ended up having sex on the first date. I'm still with him now, 5 years later.

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