Help I am totally in love with another man!! It's destroying my life?

I am in a relationship have children, however I have fell in love with my really good friend who is married also. I've been ignoring this for so long hoping it was just Infatuation or lust. Here we are 3 years later and he is all i can think about! I know it's love because it's not about the looks this is something that progressed and I know he likes me as well. I will never act on this though! I love my partner but I am not in love with him and I am trying my best. I hate having sex now with him also which I feel so guilty about and just do it anyway feel like my life is crumbling around me and I don't want to hurt anyone 😞 please give me advice has anyone else had this. Thanks


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Most Helpful Guy

  • you need to get counseling for both relationships because you are having an emotional relationship with this other guy... even if he isn't in it.

    What you've done is embellished and perfected this other guy in your mind... he's perfect and your partner is human and flawed. And emotionally, you are all into this other guy and thus turned off to the one you committed to.

    It feels great because your brain is getting all kinds of love drugs, but it isn't real... its imaginary. Maybe in reality there is a connection there, but it isn't good is it...

    Get a marriage/family counselor to help you sort through this and your feelings and try to clear this up.

    I'd honestly tell you to distance yourself from this other guy for now until you can sort through it... although I know you don't want to.

    My guess is in your life, you have gotten borred, your needs aren't being met, or you are hurt in some way... trueth? Otherwise, why would you even have interest in the other guy. So this is really a marriage issue.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Honestly I think this is wrong you having feelings for somebody else who is married and the fact that you're married I feel like this is really wrong and horrible I married myself but I show no feelings to anyone it's not fair to your husband that you have feelings for someone else you tell him how you were feeling and get out of that relationship because it's not fair to him he need to be able to process and MoveOn he does not deserve this at all and as for the other guy you need to stop seeing him because he is married also you may think you know what he's feeling he's probably just being you as a friend and you could ruin someone else's life by acting on your actions and your feelings

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What Guys Said 19

  • You need to think about your children. That's the most important thing in all of this. If you leave your husband then this is going to have a really negative effect on them. Just think about why you love this man that you're with now; think about the past and why you chose to be with him. Maybe some reminiscing will help you love him again and want to be with him more then this other man you're in love with now. He's married too and he's got a family. I think the negatives out way the positives. If you chose to be together lot's of people will end up hurt: your husband, your children, his wife and his children etcetera. Just stick in there and ride it out. One day you might just wake up and everything will be clear again.

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  • I definitely need to chat with you more on this subject. I have many questions for you. I believe there's a way I can establish some middle ground and boundaries with my friend. I work with her so can't avoid her or have a bad atmosphere. That night be similar for you.
    X

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  • If having him around is going to ruin your marriage, and the lives of your children and husband, cut ties with the other guy. The easiest way to fall out of love with someone is to avoid being around them and to cease communication with them.

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  • If you want to save your marriage, cut contact with the other dude. Friendship is OK, but you admit you have fallen in love. Sadly, if you don't cut contact. Your really going to hurt the ones you love (your kids). Ultimately if you keep pushing your husband away, he's possibly going to start looking for what your not giving him.

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  • Sigh. Just tell him out straight and sort something out. The least you could do is be honest with yourself , your husband and your children. He's a man , he can take it. I feel sorry for the kids but it's even worse to live a lie , an illusion of security when in reality it's anything but that.

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  • It will pass. You just need to remove yourself from the situation for a while. We have all been there. Trust me. It's not worth ruining you life over a fairytale or fantasy. In time you will see it was really nothing at all.

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  • Why won't you act on it? If your husband knew you hate sex with him and live another guy, I doubt we would want to force you to be with him. You two can still both raise the kid if separated. Good luck to both of you. That's a really tragic situation 😞

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  • You in a tough situation. Johnny Depp has an awesome quote about it (Google johnny Depp and love) basically you love the other guy. You either have to let it go or be together. Get a pen and paper and write out how you will make both realities work, realistically and see what you come up with. Take into consideration what he will do as well. You not evil or anything, this can happen to anyone.

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  • See a therapist to examine the cause of this.

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  • find some fucking discipline.

    take a martial arts class or sumn.

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  • Ignore it. Learn some self control.

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  • You are not getting out of this one without some pain and suffering on all sides.

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  • What a bitch..
    Smh..

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  • Sure you get over it

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  • Hmm people saying for u. B1tch :) ...

    Why made fcking kids...
    So u are really so bad person.

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  • Its totally normal, women can never be in love with one man. Honestly do what the majority of women do, file for divorce and go fuck the other guy, then when you are done with him, go find another and another to please yourself. Its in women nature to screw around. Don't feel bad.

    Feminism really damaged women... pffft, i'm moving to another planet

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  • Do you have kids?

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  • Yes, I have experienced this, in the role of the single free man with the married-with-daughter woman catching an infatuation for me.

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  • Either way you are going to hurt your existing partner

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What Girls Said 1

  • Does your friend have feelings about you?

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    • Yes. I always knew he had feelings for me and one day spilled them all to me when drunk. Nothing will ever happen between us i will not cheat on my partner. I need to forget about him just don't know how to do that!

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    • And maybe you could give me some advice as someone who knows what it's like. Not as black and white as a lot of people think.
      X

    • I 'followed' you and messaged you, but gave no messages from you. Everything ok?
      X

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