My girlfriend and i have been together over a year. This has always been an issue. But currently right now it's especially an issue. She trusts very little in a lot of ways. She's an aspiring artist, and she'll say something like "I drew a really cute picture of you" and I'll say, aw that's awesome, thank you. Then she'll follow up with "But I'm not showing you because I don't like it." This kind of upsets me. She never feels happy with what she's doing and just seems unhappy in our relationship, not with me but with herself. But nevertheless unhappy. I know a relationship won't just make her happy, and there's nothing I can do really. But I don't just want to say, you being depressed is making me unhappy in our relationship. And I do love her so I don't just want to leave her.
I compliment her at least 10 times a day. Tell her I love her at least 3 times and always do nice things for her. So I know I'm not contributing to her insecurities.
Most Helpful Girl
"I compliment her at least 10 times a day. Tell her I love her at least 3 times and always do nice things for her. So I know I'm not contributing to her insecurities"
Actually over-complimenting someone makes you come off as fake, and it might also make her more self-aware, thus more insecure. Like you constantly pointing out something about her that you like, and in her mind she starts to slowly overthink it and convert the compliments to insecurities. Compliments feel more genuine when you aren't bombarded with them.
I suggest that, instead of saying something along the lines of "you make me unhappy" (which would only make things worse), encourage her to get help, go to some therapy sessions, talk to someone about it. An adult, preferably, seeing as you're under 18 and I'm assuming she is too.
If nothing helps, break up. People like her should work on their insecurities while single, because a relationship is often a distraction, and even a trigger (jealousy, feeling like you don't deserve your partner, worrying about them leaving or cheating etc) to the insecurities. Like the relationship often ends up making things worse.1
Most Helpful Guy
"I compliment her at least 10 times a day. Tell her I love her at least 3 times and always do nice things for her."
STOP THAT! You're going to make her take you for granted.
Imagine a scenario where you give a girl flowers with an "I love you" note on a daily basis. Then one day you get swarmed with work and forget. She'll start to think you're a jerk or losing interest in her.
Now imagine a scenario where you, out of the blue after a year, surprise a girl with the same thing. Now she's going to think you're so incredibly sweet.
Don't show your girl with affection and love. Take care of her and be strong for her, but avoid spoiling her and letting her take you for granted. You have to balance a little bit of selfishness even for this type of girl.
Last but not least, you really need to master stoicism for these kinds of girls that are really emotionally high maintenance. Your emotional maturity should be extremely high and you'll need a lot of patience.1
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