Why do girls go after the bad boys until they realize they should have been with the "nice one" all along?

This is an age old topic. There are basically two types of guys. Bad ones and nice ones. Within hose two main types of course there are different degrees and personalities. Although I have never dated anyone, but been rejected many times, I feel as though I am getting passed by for others who are don't have the same morals or values that I uphold. I understand each person is different, but my problem comes from girls who say and act like they want a nice guy, but they fall for the ones who treat them wrong. I'm not saying go for me, I'm just saying pick a side. I've also been told that because of who I am the girl expects more from me than other guys. Why are my standards set so much higher? That's wrong.


Most Helpful Girl

  • Girls tend to want a "hunter" or a "pack leader" the kind of guy that gives off the impression that he will be a good provider and protector. It's a natural trait that women are drawn too and most of the time we don't even realize it. I've turned my back on some guys who were nice but for one reason or another, they lacked qualities I wanted.

    For example one guy I was considering turned out to be completely spineless. You could've probably kicked his ass. he's nice, had a decent set up, a little broken, but ultimately he would feel threatened by guys who had a pound or more confidence than he had. The other males would sense it and brush him off and he'd get frustrated by his own weakness. It was a huge turn off. Not just to me but other girls in our social circle as well.

    I knew another nice guy who was... dependent? ... in his own way. Even though we were just friends it's like he had to ask me permission to do things or ask me what he should do. Simple every day things that he should be able to decide or figure out himself like "should I use this or this?" "I don't know what I should do, what do you think?" "Can I do it this way or do it that way." And it became so frequent I was annoyed by his presence. I knew he liked me but I didn't want to be his mother.

    I don't regret walking away from either of those men. Confidence is what women are attracted to. Bad boys emit this in abundance so it appears that we only gun for those types. Gain more confidence in yourself and women will notice.

    • I was one of those former nice guys during my teens and embarrassingly had some of those same qualities of that dependent guy. Mainly I was like a loyal puppy dog ready to kiss any girl's ass that I became fixated on, all while thinking she deserved someone better (aka "me!").

      The only thing I would recommend on top of this is that "gaining confidence" usually isn't enough to teach a nice guy what he's doing wrong. To me it's more like, "gain attractiveness". Confidence is just one aspect of being attractive.

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    • [...] because they're [/their] whole idea [...] sorry.

    • As an extreme example (apologies for going at length), take an example nice guy and let's say you're single. He's overweight and has halitosis but confident in his looks. He has no sense of humor and hardly any friends. His hobbies consist of watching Star Trek and writing science fiction love poetry. He's 32 years old and living in his mother's house still. He has no job and no formal education. But he's really sweet and loves animals (has 14 cats).

      He likes you and a girl tells him, "just be confident". He works up his confidence so much that now he's standing outside your window holding playing the mandolin while singing to you.

      Is he suddenly someone you would date with such a bold move of confidence?

      I bring this up because "confidence" itself isn't something "nice guys" really understand, because they have no self-respect or any external awareness of how unappealing they are. Taking an unappealing person and telling them to be confident tends to add fuel to the fire.

Most Helpful Guy

  • I don't think this actually happens that often. What does happen is that women lower their standards as they get older and their looks fade. Suddenly the male attention they took for granted is no longer there, so they might regret not dating that pathetic guy who was always trying so hard to be nice to her, but it's not so much because she thinks he would have treated her better so much as the fact that she can no longer attract the ones she wanted.

    • It's like if some fat girl liked you when you were younger but you rejected her, but stay a virgin till 30 years old and then suddenly get bald and lose all sense of sex appeal whatsoever. You might regret not having given that fat girl a chance.

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    • ... basically they forget that, for the same reason they grew this attachment to a person who doesn't return their interest, people choose who they like based on attractive qualities.

      They don't choose people just because they care about them. They also generally can't really care about them to the extent that they think they can, because they're living in a fantasy, having fallen in love with someone they never dated, never slept with, never even kissed. They fall in love with an image they form in their minds, half truth, half fantasy.

    • Note that I speak from experience, since I used to be that nice guy when I was a teenager until I started applying level-headed logic instead of Hollywood romance logic, making the necessary changes required to finally attract women.

What Girls Said 1

What Guys Said 1

  • Girls go for bad boys. Women go for good guys.
    If she chooses the bad boy, go right up to him and thank him for taking the bullet.