I was needy... can I recover?


I've been on four dates with this guy and I like him a lot. We kind of had a bad day yesterday and I texted him like three times in a span of 8hrs without a response. He did finally get back to me and said that he was sick and had been sleeping all day. I know I messed up but I'm hoping it's not unsalvageable?

If a new girl comes off as needy one day... but had otherwise been fine would that be enough to scare you away? I'm planning on just backing off completely and not texting/calling unless he does first but I have a lot of anxiety over it right now so I'm wondering what you guys think?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • After just four dates, it tends to kind of raise all kinds of red flags.

    I mean you're still being all needy even when you aren't sending text with all this anxiety you have over how he's going to react. Needy isn't just about your outward behavior, it's ultimately about your emotional state.

    I think probably if you want to try to do some damage control, best way is to try to come off as not being needy in the slightest -- be as easy-going and chill as you can be. Don't even try to apologize for needy -- that comes off as needy.

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    • It sounds to me like you've fallen hard for a guy after just 4 dates. It's kind of a record. But that makes it unlikely that he could feel anywhere near as strongly about you just yet. You'll generally need more time together to have a chance for his feelings to grow as strongly.

      So I recommend just focusing on being desirable company for him to maximize the odds that you can have a 5th date, a 6th, etc.

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    • Oh, then maybe he does feel as strongly towards you as you do about him. Chances are 3 texts aren't going to be such a big deal at that point, he might have genuinely just been bed-ridden and tired all day long.

      That said, best not to push your luck so probably your best bet is just find a way to kill time in between when you're not seeing him that won't drive you crazy and make you do something you regret.

    • When relationships move quickly like this, they can be incredibly passionate but end up spiraling downwards in the end. You have to watch out for that.

      The reason is that either of you or both can develop such intense feelings for each other so quickly but not the proper kind of time to really learn how to deal with some of the toughest situations. That same kind of love you feel might turn into a paranoia of losing each other, and that paranoia can make you do all kinds of things you regret.

      So keep an eye on this tendency when relationships are moving quickly.

Most Helpful Girl

  • Why the heck would you text him 3 times without a response?><

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What Guys Said 3

  • 3 times in 8 hours doesn't necessarily come off as needy but i guess the content of the messages would need to be taken into account

    i think you are fine though. wouldn't worry too much about it

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  • I would give a lady a second chance and hope that she offered an explanation when I next saw her.

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  • Relax, you didn't mess up anything. He's either serious about you, in which case a pinch of needy is a good thing, or he's not, in which case it doesn't matter what you do. If three texts are enough to scare a guy away then you're dating a chicken.

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What Girls Said 0

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