Hi there, I just read in a book called Without Embarasment that men can be low or high status with other men based on things like looks, personal power, popularity, intelligence, things like that (earlier in life) and then on things like wealth and stuff like that later in life. I dont really believe that about the wealth (and think the things that are attractive earlier in life are probably still attractive later) and am wondering if you guys know how to build status with men. Also, it says that if a man is high status with men then this translates to confidence and an attractive attitude and things like that which is what is attractive to women. Do you believe this? Is this true? Thanks. Any discussion about this would be awesome. Thanks.
Most Helpful Girl
Personally I'm not sure what attracts me to each man, but I do have a type physically (I love skinny men).
There are some behaviours which are a turn off for me however. I like a man to 'be a man' not macho necessarily, but just act like an adult and lead a little bit. As an example, a guy took me out for dinner once (planned in advance), at a popular restaurant - but it was Saturday night, and he hadn't reserved a table, so we had to wait. I met another guy for drinks once, and he did not know how to get served at a bar - I had to take the money from him, and buy our drinks myself. Now neither case is a big deal in the way that I didn't starve, and we did eventually get drinks. But subconsciously, a lack of basic social skills does put me off.
As for the status thing, that can be tricky. Confidence is attractive, however arrogance is a major turnoff. I would avoid a man if I thought that he was following PUA advice - from what I have read of it, it seems to turn men from nice but shy guys who don't get much luck with women, into cocky players, who enjoy hurting women and taking them for granted. If I smile at a man to show my interest, and he has a smug look on his face, like he knows that he is attractive, and lots of women want him, or he hints at that in conversation, I just walk away. Not being interested in me is fine. But if a man is interested, then being friendly and open is way better than acting 'high value'.
Material stuff doesn't matter to me, but:
1. Looks does matter to some degree, as I have to fancy him - but I often fancy men that my friends think are ugly.
2. Personal power - not too sure what that is, unless you mean confidence.
3. Popularity - Too much can be a turn off as I might assume you are arrogant, but I do expect you to have some friends.
4. Intelligence - As long as you are kind, I don't care.
5. Wealth - Don't care. As long as you are not so poor that it affects the relationship eg. you can't afford to actually meet me at least once a week.
I have dumped someone with a Ferrari (I liked him, just not enough), and I have cried over a penniless chef (smitten with him).0
Most Helpful Guy
The way I see it is that there are *attractive* qualities (instinctual, biological, not always leading us to wise choices when it comes to picking mates) and *endearing* qualities (qualities that are actually good for long-term mates).
For example, a woman being gorgeous is not an endearing quality. It doesn't help anything from a practical level. It's an attractive quality, but attractive qualities tend to pull us towards a person more than endearing qualities, so we might choose the gorgeous young girl who is not so bright over a genius who is overweight.
I don't think wealth helps anything directly with attractive qualities because it doesn't tap into biological instincts. It's an abstract quality. However, wealth can translate to power, control, a form of dominance, and sometimes popularity which does tie into masculinity. I think that's what would lure women instinctively, not the wealth.
However, wealth is an endearing quality that can does help for women who are choosing partners more with their brain than their biological instincts, so there's that.
Generally if we look at evolutionary behavior and study animals like apes, it starts to kind of show us how we are actually attracted on an instinctual/biological kind of level.
I do believe that last statement is true but I think confidence is just one quality of being attractive. I would put it in that list among things like power, popularity, intelligence, looks -- not suggest they simply translate to confidence and attitude.0