A little background: late bloomer, never even held hands, but I've been opening up a lot over the past couple years. Also, in the middle of conquering over-thinking things.
I've had a little seed of worry growing in my mind that, when I do finally meet a girl, she's gonna be the one I marry.
I know it sounds silly, but it's an actual little fear of mine. Like, it seems to me most people have been with multiple partners until they found the right person. And honestly, it makes me feel a bit left out in that part of life, even jealous.
It would seem lucky for me, however too good to be true. Almost like dying, going to heaven, but then being bored of it 'cause it's too perfect, and then wishing you can haunt as a ghost for a little bit. I'm not saying I would cheat, neither. It happened to my dad and so I wouldn't hurt someone like that.
I want to start dating. I want to explore, to find who I do/don't like. I want to live, I guess. I want for my final connection to have been worth the trials, hurt, and different joys.
This goes back partially to something my dad told me when I was around sixteen. Paraphrasing: "Don't be afraid to ask a girl out. It's not like she'll be the one you end up marrying."
That, and I'm a little worried I'll be cheated on just like him.
But considering how my life has gone, it kind of spooks me a bit.
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That's not irrational. I too have the same ambition.0