Is it time for me to give up on love?

I'm going to be 30yrs old in 6 months' time, and I've still never felt the touch of a woman. No-one has ever returned my affections, no matter how freely they lavish those affections upon everyone else. Everyone is unattainable- no-one’s attracted to me, and in their eyes, I’m the least desirable person in the world. I don't think that I am, don't see myself this way. But that NEVER changes how other people see me, how they talk about me and the things they all say about me any time I try to open my heart to anyone and give it a chance. In their eyes, feeling, caring, is an inherently unattractive trait in any male. Because any man who displays overt, definitive attraction towards a woman, as opposed to covert, subtle attraction, nonchalance or indifference, is automatically deemed to be ‘desperate’.
So whenever I start to allow myself to have any feelings towards them whatsoever, or even to just be comfortable enough around them not to hold everything in and express even the tiniest bit of emotion about anything at all, they instantly pick up on it, and become so repulsed by my ‘weak’, ‘pitiful’, and ‘unmanly’ emotions that they can’t stand to be anywhere near me, or to ever have any contact with me ever again. This has happened more times than I can count, with practically every girl I’ve ever had even the slightest bit of romantic interest in. And I can’t delude myself into believing that anyone can possible love me any more, not when all of the experiential evidence I’ve ever collected, along with all the observations of those around me, tells me otherwise. I can't stop myself from becoming emotionally invested in people, from caring about people. And this makes me inherently undesirable, utterly unlovable in the eyes of women. Is it time to give up on love? And if so, how can I do it?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • You have so many years ahead of you. You never know when love finally hits you. Good luck.

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    • I don't have many years ahead of me at all. My life expectancy as an epileptic with Aspergers' is 58yrs; I'm already more than halfway there. And I want a family; I want children. And if I reach the age of 40 and I still haven't, I can't do it any more; there'd be more than a 50% chance that I'd die on my child before he/she became an adult, and I couldn't bear the thought of that. Not to mention that, if I delayed conceiving a baby until I was over the age of 35 (regardless of the mother's age) I'd be increasing the risk of that child having genetic anomalies and congenital disorders to the extent where it'd be on a par with that of a child conceived through second-cousin incest. Time's all but run out for me already. And love's hit me plenty of times. But when no-one you've ever loved could ever bring herself to love you, and your love is deemed to be repugnant, pathetic and abhorrent no matter how hard you try to mask it, that love becomes the worse curse imaginable.

    • You have what is commonly called catastrophe thinking. You have already mapped out what is going to happen to you. it's unhealthy to live with that kind of mindset. If I were you I would seek professional help to help you release these old thinking patterns. I think you expect someone to come along and make you happy. That's a tough task to ask from somebody.

    • No, I'm fighting to find anyone who could come along and enable me to have something positive in my life and my future to be positive and optimistic about. As I have been for the last 12 years now. I have catastrophe thinking because all that I've ever experienced has been a continuous string of catastrophes, going all the way back to the very earliest childhood memories I can still recall. I tried to stop being optimistic and hopeful, and to prepare myself for the worst case scenarios in my life, mapping out the worst things that could possibly happen to me so that I won't be crushed when they inevitably do. But no matter how low I've set the bar, I've never, ever managed to be pessimistic enough. And whenever love hits me, that pessimism flies out the window- I start becoming hopeful and optimistic again, and start romanticizing about things. And catastrophe always strikes again as soon as I do, and the weakened, softer, more caring me always gets torn apart.

Most Helpful Guy

  • Dude, for real enjoy life, to its fullest extent, pay no mind to what people think or do.
    Be yourself and don't be so desperate about it.
    You see when you try to force something it will never successively be done.
    So go out have fun, enjoy life with girls but pay me little attention you are the hunter not them. You set the rules. Women like man who can stood their ground, and are confident in themselves. Not a crying for help person.

    Let me try to explain what I said in a bit simple way.

    Now every women wants to feel, at ease, protected and loved. Now the thing is they don't like a man who is down on his spirt and can't take care of them. You will probably think that this is mumbo jumbo but it's the truth get grasp of reality and live the life you have been given and I no time you will find the right one.

    Life is amazing, but never when you see it with the dark spot of your eyes.

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    • "Being the hunter" means that YOU'RE the one hunting. Which means that you want them, and have some interest in them. Which makes you 'desperate', and inherently undesirable no matter what. Women like men who can stand their ground- you think I don't? Women like men who are confident in themselves- people who could happily live out their entire lives in solitary confinement, with no human interaction or outside stimuli whatsoever? No such man exists, ever has or ever shall exist. No woman wants a man who isn't perfectly content? Well, if the man was perfectly happy and content, why the hell would he want to be with her in the first place? If he wouldn't be the slightest bit concerned or affected by her packing up and leaving him at any stage in the 'relationship' (which is what they all want), then how can she claim to have ever been loved by him at all? She can't, period. A loving man is an inherently unattractive, desperate man- and as a man, one can't love and be loved by a woman.

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    • I've been acting for the past 12 years, for as long as I've been able to. I've approached at least 2,000 girls, face-to-face. I've still gotten nowhere with any of them- the only ones who ever let me in, even a little, spat me out again the second that they realized I wasn't just pretending to care about them or anything they had to say, but that I actually genuinely did. To them, that made me 'scary', and 'clingy'- because I offered support when they were asking for it, they pushed me away. I've had to move on more times than I can count, and I can do it now without any effort at all- I've become so desensitized to emotional loss that I couldn't shed a tear at my Nan's funeral, no matter how hard I tried. And if a girl left me, it'd be soul-destroying, but I'd still move on in a heartbeat without a single tear. But I want a girl who'll allow me to care, instead of demanding that I become a cold-blooded heartless psychopath for her because 'only pussies feel'.

    • Well I wish you well, I shared my opinion, it's just words at the end. Best of luck.

What Girls Said 0

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What Guys Said 2

  • It's time to give up on love when you simply don't want it

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  • I'm in the same boat my friend. I can not give you any cheesy lies like "enjoy single life" or "don't worry about it, just work on yourself". That advice comes from those in relationships and those who think a relationship holds little weight. Women want what's "best" for them, and most of the time they don't know who truly is the best for them. From the sounds of it, you sound like someone who puts their whole heart and soul into something and hopes it will succeed, but when it doesn't the fall always feels like it kills you. There is nothing wrong with you. Women just look for the wrong things, and as a result those who would truly treat them as princesses, are merely left in the corner.

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