Is getting a girlfriend really that hard?

I'm single but honestly I don't want to be anymore, at first I was cool with it, but after three years I'm done.

The thing is, I feel like I won't be able to find someone I like and likes me back.

Making the first moves and putting myself out there and getting rejected constantly seems tiring demoralizing and depressing.

Is it really that hard?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • It's almost impossible if you fixate on one girl, develop feelings for her over long periods of time, and then ask her out.

    The amount of time invested in her vs. the rejection that will often follow will make it seem like there's no hope in life.

    Ask girls out sooner and it's much easier. Strike up a conversation with a girl, get her to laugh or just be really interested in what you have to say, then hit them with an invite to hang out somewhere else. Often you can ask a girl out the same day you met her.

    Do this and even if you get a ton of rejections, they won't sting much at all since you didn't develop any feelings for the girl and can just move onto the next one you find attractive.

    Most importantly, don't just fixate on catching girls. Focus on building up your army of friends and acquaintances and growing popular among them. Develop the right kind of social skills.

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    • I get what you mean, but I usually begin liking a girl apart from looks after a while of knowing what she is like. Before that it's just physical

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    • @Keepcalm89 In those cases, often you're actually falling for a fantasy to some degree, since the lack of dating and private time between you two means that you've kind of fallen for this girl from afar. Your mind kind of fills in the blanks and builds a dream about her that doesn't necessarily align with reality. It's not so rational to develop all these feelings -- it''s making a gamble with no indicator whatsoever that you'll get any kind of return on your investment. The rejection that follows can also be miserable.

      It's easier if you just view dating as getting to know a person, not a big romantic proposal. "Hey, I know a nice place/event -- want to go?" -- easy, you put a few chips on the table, not enough to really feel like you lost anything if she says, "no thanks". And it's easy to move on and not then fixate on her and develop more and more feelings for her from afar, knowing quickly where you stand.

    • Thank you for the insightful response I know I'll look at it from time to time to get pointers from you.. I did admire this girl from afar and at the same time I talked to her on a daily basis.. I'm remembering now that when we first met I told her that I was a runner which I am.. I used to run a 5k on a regular basis and in the past I tried for my city marathon but work didn't let me... anyway she suggested we ran together, if I needed a running buddy and I said "huh" with a confused look and I replied yeah yeah, but didn't get a number until 2 months later... I know I waited long dammit.. She flirted with me and hinted for dates.. saying because she was new in town that "I don't know anyone and I'll be bored in my house" say... but I never thought that could she be hinting me to ask her out? I didn't realize at the time and said nothing until a month later that I invited her to lunch after work but she got busy after.. I sure learned from this experience..

What Girls Said 3

  • it really just depends on who you're interested in. Some women make it difficult, others are eager to jump in your arms. Remember that relationships are hard work, but so is putting yourself out there with the fear of rejection eating away at you. I think we all have that fear of never meeting "the one", but I think that everyone has a soulmate. Being pessimistic and psyching yourself out by saying that it's "demoralizing and depressing" will only keep you away from a relationship. Try going in it with a positive attitude, but keep your hopes in check. Don't get too attached to someone too soon and you'll be good, man. Also remember that it won't just take a couple of days to get into a relationship. (Well it might, depends lol) anyway, I hope you find someone 👍🏻

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  • It is really hard for girls to find a boyfriend too.

    Just keep trying, and don't let yourself become bitter and end up hating women.

    There are nice girls just as there are nice guys. And both get hurt a lot by people who are not very nice.

    The guy who advised you to use dating as a way of getting to know a girl, rather than friendship, is spot on. I never get attached to men just by chatting to them. I get attached from going on dates, kissing, etc.

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  • It is hard. Rejection is hard to face but you gotta push through. Once you can get past the fear of that then you will be on your way.

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What Guys Said 8

  • Getting a girlfriend or boyfriend isn't that hard.
    Getting a *good* girlfriend or boyfriend is really that hard.

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  • It's not hard... just don't take everything so seriously... play around, have fun, and ask people out without investing yourself to heavily in the results. See who bites.

    And ditch the word "rejection"... it a harsh word and puts too much significance on an everyday occurrence.

    Your parents told you "no" when you asked if you could stay up late as a kid... your friends told you "no" when you asked them if they wanted to go out drinking... your employer told you "no" when you asked to take your vacation in the middle of a busy month.

    And yes, women are going to tell you "no" when you ask them out.

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  • I feel the same. I have questions I want the answers to but I don't have at the moment. I can say is to wait and be patient, meet many people and make a life. It's tough but have the right attitude and mentality.

    I work surrounded by many many people and I feel just as alone.. as I was the only one at this place I work.. it's tough to make friends it's tough to make a connection period.

    I tried believe me. I talk to many girls but many have passed me up for someone else... I been overlooked for other guys and it sucked.. but in the midst of all this here.. I know I'll bump into a girl and we will go places!

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  • It's like easiest thing ever to bone a chick but these nerds still seem to not get it,

    1) be tall jacked athletic

    2) Make tinder

    3) collect pussies, Filter below 8/10s off

    4) leave

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    • #1 filters out many people.

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    • @OhioNativeForLife lmao I mean you only gonna get jacked enuf if u do em too brah, it's half your bod weight so and it is reality. All u really gotta do is lay on ut bed naked and swipe right on chicks and then filter below 8/10s off

    • Are you saying I should do legs also? This makes sense. I read that working out your thighs is the #1 natural way to boost testosterone.

  • Just keep approaching women.

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  • you need just money to have a girlfriend. All girls want money

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  • The problem is in trying to get a girl. Us guys make the mistake of being too nice to girls, which they don't appreciate. Stop trying to get a girl as a girlfriend. What you do is talk to them and she will eventually give you sex, then you can move on to the next. Whats so hard about that?

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  • It is if you're average looking. Just come to terms with that and work from there.

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