The sex was bad, now I'm not interested in him anymore. Is sex really that important?

So I had sex with someone I'm dating and it was not what I expected. It was horrible. Like no, like really bad. And now I'm no longer interested in dating him. I feel really shallow, but it's kind of like I immediately lost interest.

Any advice?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Just curious, but in what way was the sex bad? Was it just really boring? Was he too rough? Too fast/slow? If you can tell exactly what it is that you didn't like, maybe you should consider "coaching" him on how to do it better. Communicate a little. If you weren't that into him to start with, then maybe move on, but if you really like him otherwise, I'd probably say stick with it and just try to communicate a little more with him. He might just be inexperienced and need a little guidance for you to see a big improvement.

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    • The sex was bad because his way of "working it" was terrible. As I told another person I was just like he was poking me. There was no steady rhythm quick pumps.

Most Helpful Girl

  • I'd say that sex is pretty important. Many not so much in itself but if you have good sex, that will generally result from good sexual chemistry. People can deny it all they want but engaging in sexual activities together, as well as the resulting hormonal cocktail, is a huge factor in terms of what helps those in relationships feel closer and more stable/trusting in what they have.

    I wouldn't say that you should feel shallow over not enjoying sex. I mean... isn't that what differs between really good friends and significant others? Sexual libido is an innate drive in all, and the motivating factor behind any romantic relationships. It's not like anyone would enjoy paying for meals or countless bouquets of roses if they were not anticipating ever receiving anything in return.

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What Guys Said 19

  • Yup.

    While sex isn't the only thing that matters it is a significant part of the equation.

    Either see if you can help him improve or consider moving on.

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  • Yes: eat plenty of fruits and vegetables, and exercise every day.*

    *Haven't got much to say about your question, because you did what anyone else would do in your situation. It's totally normal to leave someone after terrible sex.

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  • If sex was so unimportant, you wouldn't be so uninterested now

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  • Sex is very important in a long term relationship so if it was that bad and you are no longer interested in him I think you definitely not date him any more and I don't think you should feel shallow about losing interest in a man no matter what the cause was for losing interest.

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  • I like your honesty. Yes sex is important. Because if you don't get what you want and what you need, other aspects of the relationship will be affected too.

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  • Tell him how you feel and give it another shot.
    If he ends up being incompatible with you then leave.

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  • Advice for what? I see no problem.

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  • There was a time you were bad at sex.

    There was a time sex gurus were bad at sex.

    If you're gonna give up on him that easily he doesn't deserve you.

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    • Also, he's probably that bad at it because he hasn't banged he's way through every girl in town.

  • You better tell him, and try it again if possible. If he shows same f*ckin old performance then kick his fat ass !

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  • it's important to you.. like it is to most people.

    quite normal.

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  • Try new positions and what you want on sex. Then maybe they will be more good at sex. ─░ts better. Otherwise this type of character will make you a selfish person.

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  • Sex is very important for me. If he's not willing to get better at sex, then you should break up with him.

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  • I would show him how to get you off. Some guys have no experience and every girl is different.

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  • I would not leave just because of it. Yes, it really sounds shallow.

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  • Yeah sexual chemistry is very important... so if you are no longer interested in him, you can just wish him good luck...
    By the way, what did he do to make sex this bad? I am really curious...

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    • His rhythm was off, very quick pumps. I could tell he was trying not ejaculate quick. But overall his preformncd sucked and the sexual chemistry was not there. Unfortunately for him it was good

    • I was actually not sure that bad sex could actually end a relationship. I too have been facing some chronic pelvic pain problems since last year and I do think that it is affecting my performance significantly. It might be affecting my relations with women too I suppose, I never gave it a long hard thought to be honest...

  • What happen Lol

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  • Sex is pretty important.

    One time may not be a reasonable sample of what the future would be.

    My advice is to view a good sex life as a necessity. If you like this guy enough, see if a good sex life is possible. If not, move on.

    Was his performance bad, skill level bad, or you two have very different preferences?

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    • His performance and skill level were both bad. I felt like I was just being poked and prodded there was no rhythm in his movement. I was disappointed in his "package"'sizes

    • Performance and skill can be adjusted. If he hadn't gotten laid in a while, they're especially likely to be short-term bad.

      Size and preferences can't.

  • You're probably not exciting enough

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  • Well you could talk to him about it and tell him what could be better first.

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What Girls Said 8

  • Sex can be worked on, you just have to be open enough to say that the experience wasn't good and you guys need to improve. Otherwise, hey, if you wanna move on it's your right to do so. No sense in entering a relationship where you aren't satisfied completely.

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  • Sex is SUPER IMPORTANT to me.
    Wbu?

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  • It's alright, dump him. No shame in leaving if you aren't getting what you want.

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  • Sex is a major part. If it isn't there, then he's not the right guy for you. Do you like him besides this? Do you think it could e improved?

    Out of curiosity, how bad is bad?

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  • Practice... tell him what excites you, show & guide him.

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  • Sex is an important part of a relationship, of course you can't expect it to be amazing the first time, but if it was really that bad then I understand you.

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  • Well sex or me is very important too, and that has happened to me a few times, the guy being super nice like perfect match until it comes to sex, I mean if it's a bit bad I'd give them another chance to see if it was just a one time occasion, but if I see it's horrible from the start I just can't deal with it, I don't consider myself shallow, but I'm a very sexual person and even though sex isn't the main thing, if it's bad it'll affect my level of attractiveness towards a person and vice versa

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  • Why don't you use it as an opportunity to teach him? Men love to be taught, especially if they get a little reward for every little trick they do haha.

    But if they get it wrong, rub their nose in it.

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