Am I the problem or is there something I'm missing?

Well boys and girls, here is a dilemma for you. I been on the dating boat for quite some time, and I get to go on as many dates as there are rainy days in Mojave Desert. My last and only relationship failed miserably but manage to last 6 mon, things did not work out between us as my ex desired me to change in many ways which I did not really want to do. But I'm still thankful that she was 1 girl in my life who actually gave me a chance and went on a date with me, yet alone sticked with me for 6 mon.

You see I'm a rather "average" European guy. I'm not hulk and I don't lift, in the head department I'm a rather smart guy, as there is always some sort of conversation I can go on about. I never had problem making acquaintances in my life, but I never quite made friends, just acquaintances. Most of my life I was a rather decent kid and a person, yeah there were few things that I done in my life that I would love to undo, but life is life and there is no "reset". In my early teen years I often chilled by myself and never got around going to bars or clubs. I'm a very light drinker and often get "smashed" of 2.5% alc. beverage, how you ask? My body doesn't process alcohol, you see. Been made fun of this by girls who can out drink me, but I don't frankly care.

Overall I'm just your average run down the mill guy, I don't look like crap and I don't like to mess with people's heads. Most of my life I been a rather fair and just person, this has backfired into my face numerous times, but I'm still a rather fair and just individual.

But you see when it comes to dating and in my case it's often "online" as I don't go out much, I'm often left speechless wondering the hell am I doing wrong. It killed my ones when I made a "douchebag" profile and the very same girls that I contacted via "real profile" would chat with the "douchebag" persona of mine, while my actual persona was blindly ignore. Don't get me wrong, I'm a "decent guy" not a "white night" or "good guy". So whats up?


What Girls Said 1

  • Do you have a type of chick you're looking for? It could just be that you aren't chatting up girls with the same interests as you, or even the same endgame

    • 3mo

      I'm look for someone average in both looks and brains, girl can be more of either one as that would not be an issue. Mostly someone I can adventure with, have fun and try new things like going bungee jumping so someone open minded and bit daring. Also looking for a rather basic cliche, someone who is caring. You know a girl that will send me a text asking if I got home okay and shit like that. I don't mind going beyond 120% for someone who is worthy of it.

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    • 3mo

      She wanted me to keep my hair long, stay in. The relationship broke as it was always I doing things while she often spend her time at home playing games. The biggest reason would be transportation, my ex at a time had a car drivers licence I only had a motorcycle driver licence at the time, but I always went to see her 30km one way and often took her everywhere. One day she asked whats gonna happen in winter, I replied she will have to come see me and from time to time I can bus. She wasn't happy with that, and I at that point had enough of her nagging, trying to shift my personality into her liking and little other bull like always going to fancy ass pubs and being stuck with the bill, at times I just wanted to go for a walk in the city while having some ice cream, or spend a day down by the lake just relaxing in the sun with grabbing a hot dog or something while there, I'm simple really.

    • 3mo

      Sounds like it was a way to find out the things you don't want in a girlfriend. Are there any hobbies or interests you have that might help you meet new girls?

What Guys Said 2

  • Maybe you need to make the "douchebag" the "real profile"... thought you would have learned that in high school. By now you should be learning how to merge the two.
    Anyway... the way you say it, it seems like you believe that you aren't even worthy of interest. You need to up that confidence mate. Start view it from the other angle.. its not whats wrong with you, its whats wrong with Them.
    Really need to learn to play the game.

    • 3mo

      Haha, well said. But as mentioned I'm a "decent guy", however my definition of that also includes being an asshole, rebel, sarcastic sob, and one stubborn sob. Ah, no I don't believe I'm not worth anything, I don't really have confidence issues, I'm shy but that's about it. I often find a lot of girls not to be worth my time as they often ignore a rather genuine question making me question there "Nice person. Responsible person. Loving person." self description, which I often find to be complete bs with pile of dog shit atop.

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    • 3mo

      No man, as stupid as this may sound I want someone who will like me for what I am and get over the fact that I'm a broke ass :) you know a genuine person who ain't there for money, but this shit is as rare as them unicorns.

    • 3mo

      Especially at that (and my) age. They are always wanting to settle down and crap. I find it ridiculous when i see the check lists some girls have and they have the exact opposite.
      -has a good successful job... but they either don't work or work minimum wage
      -must be a graduate... but never finished college
      -must have own place ... still lives with parents
      -must have a Good looking car... still uses the bus
      and many idiot guys still go for this because "she's hot"... fuck that.
      You're damn right, a girl that will like you for more than just her own security is rare as fuck and that is why when i can, i come off as broke or cheap. weed out the diggers/trash.

  • Maybe your profile simply sounds boring!

    When I was dating on POF, I picked a profile of a lady who looked like a nice girl but too young for me to date. I messaged her and asked if she would read my profile and give me some honest feedback. She told me a few things that I did not expect, I made some changes to my profile, and I started having better luck with online dating.

    • 3mo

      That's possible. But I do doubt it a bit. Then again the content of my profile may make sense to me, but not to someone else. But I don't often get girls to actually visit my profile, I simply get rejected ones they read the message and decide I clearly ain't worth checking out as I asked a genuine question wondering what they are studying as that gives me tiny picture of what type of a person they are.

      Don't get me wrong, no one is obligated to reply. But there are cases where I'm bit confused as some girls share loads of similar interests and trades as I have, yet to simply ignore the message. And yes I can see when they read it. I don't go trying to insult or bash them for reading and then simply ignoring, since it would be a waste of my time dealing with someone who is shallow and is out for who the hell knows what.

      I guess I must post pictures posing with BMW and mountain of cash or coke to get loads of reply, but that kind of lifestyle ain't for me.

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    • 3mo

      You sir made my day with that "deer" remark. So bloody true :), on side note then. Would you have some good 1st openers?

      Following seemed to have also failed miserably:

      "Hey, how's it going. So what's program are you studying in college/uni?"
      "Hey how's it going, those are some nice drawings you go there"
      "Hey how's it going, whats type of sushi do you like?"
      "Hey how's it going, so what can you tell me about psychology?"
      "Hey how's it going, what kind of dog do you have?"

      Each of this was tailored to the girl's profile, but still often went ignored.

    • 3mo

      Openers that indicate you read their profile are good.

      "I really like sushi, too! Have you ever tried the Sushi Rock?"

      "I see you're a psychology major. I had a child psych course that was really cool! What other sources would be good for a non-psych major to take?"

      "It's not very often I see someone on here who likes classical music. My all time favorite is Rachmaninoff's Rhapsody on a Theme of Paganini. Do you attend symphony concerts?"

      You are trying to tell her that you have read her profile AND you have some common interests AND possibly you are already exploring ideas for a first date (bit don't tell her that!)