Do you talk about past emotional baggage with your significant other?

Do you share past hurts, romantic relationships, etc. with your significant other? or do you believe that is something to keep to yourself?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Not generally, no. If it's fuckin Story Time and she's sharing all kinds of personal history, I'll share a few things I guess. I'm pretty honest about my marriage and subsequent divorce, but I don't like to talk about my childhood, dating as a teen, or the Intergalactic Mega Ho that I was with briefly last summer.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • It's normally better to know than not to know if it's unresolved things. But if you're looking for personal insight, my boyfriend and I don't talk about it mainly because he has not dated before me and he's still a virgin but I don't talk to him about my past. He knows what he knows and if he wants to know more, he can ask.

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What Guys Said 16

  • oh yes, great way to become closer, understand each other, etc.. essential.

    don't want to pass on details they don't need.

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  • I think keeping that to yourself is usually the way to go unless it has a huge significance to your current relationship in some way

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  • If I find it relevent or I feel the want, need or desire to talk about sure. But otherwise I don't speak about my past much.

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  • That should be done only after a comfortable level in the relationship has been reached.

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  • If the girl is amazing and manages to make me open up completely, then yeah.

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  • I do, I tell her to ask away lol anything goes, I dont hold anything back. I love sharing with her and only her. I just dont want her to compare herself to any of those people in the past or to feel like it affects what we have together.
    Keeping things to myself? No. I have no desire to.

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  • I reciprocate what she tells me. I never initiate and a man should never initiate those conversations in a relationship.

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  • As a rule, the past doesn't concern me. I've done so much stupid shit I'm even amazed i'm alive today. So what does it matter? I've learned from my past mistakes, that, in principle, should concern noone else.

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  • No never im a fuckin rock.

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  • I believe that it needs to kept to yourself. Because it makes men feel inadequate.

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  • Yea it hurts being this big jacked athletic and having super rich mom, jeez

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  • We share - it brings on my intimacy

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  • i talk about everything

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  • in my early years.

    you never make her your couselor you feed them fantasy.

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  • I would talk about it if I could without being rejected for even hinting at doing so. If I could find a girl who had the compassion and empathy to be capable of accepting me for who I am, and understanding why I am the person that I am today, then she'd be perfect in my eyes. I want a girl who I can truly bare my soul to, and who knows that I'll never judge her and always support her if she's willing to bare her soul to me. But I can't do it without facing instant rejection, so I have to bottle it all up inside, hold it all in and 'be a man'.

    No woman wants a man with emotional baggage- we exist to be THEIR rocks, THEIR support, and if she ever suspects that a man's leaning upon her in any way- i. e, if he's willing to confide in her, trusts her and gains emotional strength from being with her- then she will instantly get frightened and run away as fast as she can. So I couldn't talk about my past, or any of the 'emotional baggage' of the formative experiences which have made me who I am, with any woman I was the slightest bit attracted to.

    By doing so, I'd be all but guaranteed to lose her, becoming weak and pathetic in her eyes. And that would pile on even more emotional baggage, adding to the weight of the millstone hanging around my neck next time. As a man, I can't talk about it to a significant other- if I ever did, she wouldn't be my significant other any more. It's sad, but that's just the way women are- if there's anything that you can't instantly shrug off, no matter how hard or bad or painful it may be, then you'll never be a 'real man' in their eyes again.

    There are, and always will be, things which I can't help but care about. But I can never afford to let any girl I ever care about have even an inkling that I care about anything, because in girls' eyes, caring about anything or anyone makes me weak, pathetic and inherently undesirable. I deeply desire that I could talk about my history, and my feelings especially, with a girlfriend, more than anything else in the world I could do with her- I'd consider it far more intimate than sex. But I know it could never happen. For any girl to ever accept me as her boyfriend, I have to be a rock- stony, cold, lifeless, immovable and inanimate.

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    • That is not true

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    • I'd love it if I could find a girl that this wasn't true of- I've been searching for such a girl all my life, gone through over 10,000 candidates through every avenue of dating and match-making I could. If there were such a girl, that'd be the girl I'd want to marry. But I've never met such a girl. And I'm old enough to see the world as it is instead of how I'd like it to be, stop believing in fairytales, and start coming to terms with the fact that I most likely never will meet such a girl, even if I keep searching until the day I die.

  • If they ask you then you shouldn't lie. Otherwise, you should probably keep it to yourself.

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What Girls Said 18

  • This is actually a really good question!
    I think a more interesting question is should you?

    I really like @jaystar's answer... It really proves that it is the young who can teach us a lot - compared to some of the answers.

    I guess many people are ashamed of their history/past and their story or what they have experienced/gone through... so we hide it or try to keep it to ourselves. But I really think you should talk about it and open up.

    It is not only very important for your well being but also very healthy and connects you both on a deeper emotional level... So yes, I think people should talk about past emotional baggage with your significant other. It will bond you together and build you and allow you to get to know each other on a very deep mental and emotional level.

    Very nice question btw! :) :) :)

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  • I think it's important to talk about the past with your SO , it helps them to get to know you on a personal level. The more you get to know someone the closer you become. It strengthens the relationship.

    I do think everyone holds some things back though

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  • Me and my boyfriend we share everything together because we're that open with one another. He likes to know everything about me regardless of my past.

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  • Yes, we both have baggage but its not intolerable or a problem, I think its important in our relationship because it can explain a lot of things and tell each other your current state.

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  • i would, definitely. i intend to be open and honest, and i want him to do the same.

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  • I talked about ex relationships with my ex, lol. When we were together I did bring things up to him just to let him know why I might act or be a certain way. He did as well.

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  • My boyfriend is my only long term relationship. I've been with him most of my adult life so before him, I don't have any past experiences or baggage. Sure I've dated others before him but nothing too horrible happened that I would need to confide in him.

    But he has baggage from past serious relationships and we do talk about it. He has confided in me about the pain and hurt he was out through.

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  • If he ask sure. But I have trouble talking about my past

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  • I would, yes. If you don't tell them what has hurt you in the past, how will they know what not to do to you?

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  • I don't have any past like that to tell him haha

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  • Yeah my boyfriend and I were just talking about how this girl be loved broke his heart. I would suggest going into detail though if your the jealous type.

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  • No not really.

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  • I believe that we must to share our past relations no matter how painful it is

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  • I don't think you have to tell them everything, your past is YOUR past

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  • My previous relationship was pretty traumatic so my boyfriend knows the gist of it, not all the details but he knows that this guy caused some long term issues and my current boyfriend helps me through them.

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  • No, I am not that crazy. It's completely irrelevant so I'd rather not bring that up. According to observations, that can only cause problems.

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  • Yes, if it is brought up or if they want to hear about it. If they don't want to hear about it, that is fine too. There are a few quirks in my behavior that are due to some stuff from my past, so when I feel ready there are a couple of things I might share with them. I feel like if we are going to be very serious there are a few things they should know about.

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  • noppppe dont do it you'll end causing more problems keep it to yourself

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