An attractive woman having trouble getting nerdy guys because she's too attractive... is that a thing?

I don't want to sound snobbish, but without posting pictures (as I refuse to do) if I may say, I am visually, a very attractive woman. However, it seems like I attract the wrong men... You know, the overly confident, buff dudes who, the majority of the time, are just players. growing up, I had severe acne and was chunky.. So I was a huge nerd in school. Straight A's, never partied, read and listened to music religiously... Hugely introverted with only one friend. Then puberty hit, and I became wickedly attractive... But im not used to the attention I'm getting from guys, and tbh I don't really want it. Im flattered, but I want to meet a gentle, smart, and passionate guy. Im interested in his insides I guess.. And I am attracted to guys who have a lot of inside thoughts and substance. Because I have had depression on and off, and high anxiety at times because of this existence, I just need someone who understands what I feel or think or whatever.

That said, the guys I'm interested in aren't that visually attractive, but it's their vibe and minds that I am so turned on by. However, they don't give me a chance. I don't know why. This has happened at least 4/5 times in the last couple of years... I rarely like a guy, but once I do and show interest, he doesn't give me a chance. And by not giving me a chance, I mean hardly even talking to me. Like maybe a couple exchanges, then I show interest, and they run away. Normally I am attracted to quiet guys, the ones that seem kinda different. Do I need a different approach? Am I cursed by my visual looks? They don't give me enough chance to find out anything about me to see if I have substance or not either. It's just frustrating :/


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Just like you figured you really have to overcome the walls these guys have built around themselves (guys have to do this with girls all the time, so welcome to our world, I guess :-) ). Yes, they will indeed assume you're just going to friendzone them in the end. You need to be straightforward in showing interest: make it 100% clear you don't have a boyfriend, really engage with them in conversations about nerdy subjects, use touch and maybe even ask them out yourself (and make sure they know you really mean it to be a date).

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Most Helpful Girl

  • maybe they're just intimidated by you and your extreme attractiveness. lol :) unfortunately there's also the possibility that they don't believe you're actually that great of a person, because i guess the world has kinda made girls seem like the more physically attractive they are, the uglier their personalities. attractive girls are portrayed as shallow and lacking substance, and "nerdy" guys most definitely aren't into that, because they've got a lot going for them when they're smart, quiet, and different. they want the whole package and often times they probably think they see right through physical beauty in girls and think they know what you are on the inside, but really, they're kinda just falling along the path the world has paved for what they should be looking for in a woman. they should take some time to get to know you before they miss out on opportunities like that. though maybe you've just been choosing all the wrong guys! haha. don't stop though, keep going after people you wanna go after and you'll find the right one eventually :)

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What Guys Said 3

  • I can't imagine it being a thing. The real issue might be with his insecurities, he might think that there is no way you'd ever want to be with him or something similar. Just make it more than obviously clear to him that you are interested.

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  • Or maybe you aren't attractive at all OP

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  • Well, I like you. Do you like me?

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What Girls Said 4

  • you think you scare them off? try being friends until they feel comfortable or being extremely forward, see which one works better 😁
    my guess is the first option

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  • I'd be what you are looking for, if you were interested in ladies too.
    But to answer your question: it is probably that the nerdy guys you're interested in is intimidated by your good lucks. They might think you're too pretty to be interested in them, and why you're approaching them is because of some bet or something silly like that. Where do you usually approach these guys? Maybe you could find something similar they like to try to start a conversation that way, maybe they wear a movie/game/etc shirt and you can comment on that and try to get them to open up though that approach.

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  • Nerdy guys like hot chicks too.
    I don't think this is a thing.

    Post pics because I'm having a hard time believing this lol

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  • It can be.

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