I want a real relationship. I want to get married and have a family. My problem is that I'm only attracted to very good looking guys and they are always players and cheaters just looking for sex, I know that. I have many times (15 actually) tried to date average and even ugly looking guys but who wanted a relationship too and seemed to have good personalities. I want to be attracted to them but I'm not at all. I'm disgusted by even just the idea of kissing them. And attraction never develop once I get to know them either. Am I shallow? Yeah I guess so. But I can't help it. I can't force attraction. So now I have to decide if I'm going to date someone I don't want and am not attracted to, or just stay single forever and never have someone to share life with and have no kids, which by the way has always been my only real dream in life... What would you do?
Most Helpful Guy
It's really up to you in the end. I'd go with single forever (or at least as long as you could) , everybody can always go there own way, other people can't really make you happy if you are not truly happy about yourself or with yourself in the first place anyway.
Oh, and uh, there's always the adoption or if you could afford it get your eggs frozen or apply for artificial insemination from the sperm bank or something and use sperm from a sperm donor if kids are something that you absolutely must have.1
Most Helpful Girl
First of all, let me say I have been in your shoes. I have a friend that I am not attracted to who likes me. Yet, we remain friends as I have been straightforward about how I feel. Some people say "He could be the one!" Yet I myself don't feel it. I don't have to want to force the physical and emotional attraction. Both the partners in a relationship deserve to feel loved.
Think about it this way. Sometimes kids are forced to eat veggies they don't like. Sometimes there are veggies that kids do like. So, would you want to have your partner feel like the mashed peas you hate or the cheesey broccoli you could eat every day and want every day?
You are NOT shallow. Nothing is wrong with being a woman who is honest about herself and honest about what she wants. And I think in a sense you already know the answer... and that is not to settle. You've answered it. And the way you asked advice gives the hunch that you wouldn't be happy settling.
Don't give into hopelessness and have vanilla cake when what you really want is Caramel cake with chocolate icing... or whatever flavor you like. And don't think that just because Mister Right is taking his time, that it is hopeless and you just have to settle.
Enjoy your life. Take the lonely moments as they come.. because they will... and don't settle. Be open to your true love. He's on his way.3