What do you think if a guy splits everything 50/50 from the first date?

I don't expect a guy to pay for me, but I just wanted to know if this is something a guy does when he's not really into you? Just want to know the reasoning behind it


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Any guy who doesn't pay for a first date is an idiot. Women are attracted to providers, regardless that they can afford to pay for themselves, so not paying only kills the romantic vibe. Even if she's intellectually ok with paying for herself, emotionally she will be more guarded against you because estrogen makes women attracted to providers. If you don't want to pay for an expensive dinner then here's and idea... don't take her to an expensive dinner!

    I always meet at a coffee shop for a first date. I'll even get there early so i already have my coffee and she buys her own. We chat for an hour two, then leave and walk around and maybe grab a cheap snack and chat some more. If everything goes well we go for a drive and do some fun cheap or free activity.

    3-4 hours into the date and if things are going well we'll have kissed, and then if I like her we'll go out for a late dinner and drinks for $30 at most. If things haven't gone well then I take her back to her car and say goodbye.

    As a man it's your job to set the tone. If you make her pay for yourself, then the tone you set is that you don't provide for her. It may seem logical to split, but the first step to being successful with women is knowing that a woman responds to positive emotions, not logic. A woman will want another date with you if being with you makes her feel good. If being with you feels like a business transaction or a friends night out, she won't.

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    • You steroids typing too much. For one not try act as provider or manly. Just because i pay for the food make me attractive? That is really lame way to impress a girl. If a women find a the guy attractive and want to be with him, she doesn't give a damn who paying. Tbh some girl hate guy paying her because it her feel sorry making him for everything.

    • @cmale123
      But many women, especially smart, pretty, ambitious ones, are attracted to the guy who can provide well.

      The most important financial decision a person will ever make is in deciding whom to marry. Some people don't know that. And most people marry someone they are dating.

    • @WalterRadio yes that true but any guy can fake it. I think in order to get the girl is to meet what She want and listen. If she want a well provide guy and your not it move on. Some girl are simple and some are complicated. I pretty much say the same guys. My tips for dating is communicates and get out shyness. Go meet people there so many people

Most Helpful Girl

  • Ehhh

    Either he pays or I pay. Unless we are close friend, I don't like the 50/50 concept

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What Guys Said 53

  • It's really fucking simple. I don't know you. You pay for your shit, I pay for mine. That starts the basis of the potential relationship. Are you a child incapable of paying for yourself, and I am elected as the guardian of you? Or are we equals?

    The reasoning is probably, "I'm not going to pay for every chick's stuff when I have no garuntee that it will go anywhere and we're just strangers. I'm not just going to hand out free meals for nothing." It's about how he views women. Are they children or equals?

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  • He's intelligent.

    Relationship should be mutual commitment, mutual risk, and mutual investment.

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  • I believe he is a smart man...

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  • he's a smart man.

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  • I NEVER let my date pay. If she is even out of money, such as she has to drive a ways or pay for parking, I will give her enough to cover it. I think a guy who makes his date pay is a cheapskate.

    If she wants to treat, then the way we do that is she cooks something. I like to cook too, so we can make the kitchen a little hot and it is fun.

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  • I'm all about going dutch, so there is no pressure on anyone and nobody feels used or like they are using someone.

    I have to admit the last date I went on, I can tell when I told the server "we will be doing separate checks" at the start of the date, that she was turned off. Ah well. The sea is plentiful.

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  • Depends on the man. Some like the more modern view of splitting the check on the first date or so. Some see it as their obligation to pay. Its an odd subject that does not really have a right answer.

    When I take a woman out on a first date I usually offer to pay every time. But If I offer to pay and a woman does not want to split the bill it does not hurt my feelings. But it is annoying if they don't want another date and essentially get a free meal out of it. I have a lot of respect for women that if they don't see a second date coming they offer to split the bill.

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  • I would think that he wants an equal relationship without traditional gender roles.

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  • I have no clue. I always pay for first dates and there after. I think its gentlemen like and i know lots of women like it. More. the gesture than the act itself. Like they don't expect him too but it's a nice thing to do. Call me old fashioned but this is how it used to work. Men paid for all the dates and everything while dating. Then the wife's family paid for the wedding. Thats how it used to go down and all this got started. Cuz at the end of the day the ultimate end goal in dating is marriage. I do however like either going 50/50 or one treat one this time and the other the next time in a really a serious relationship.

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  • If you make money too much of an issue during a relationship it will eventually be a part of why it ends.

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  • We arabs never do that it's highly highly rude , hell we even fight who pay between friends

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  • There seem to be an awful lot of girls here who want to be bought...

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  • its call "the times" women/females are suppose to be "smart and independent" individuals who are not pets of males. as of such with this change in society u can expect to as society loves to say "pay ur fair". so it means nothing about how he feels toward u, he is "trying" to show respect. at the start of the date u can talk about who is paying and can ask how he feels about it and see where he stands. some guys are more than willing to pay for the date. that also puts u in the "less" independent role though. i am not going to say he will expect u to put out after paying for a meal, but u see where i am going here non the less.

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  • It's something he DID and you are filling her spot is my vote.
    Only when you get into SS payments (mid-60's) do such frugal/CPA-esque practices come to light
    SO filling a vacancy could be a complement but better is
    being cared for & paid for, at first anyway.

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    • Huh? Vacancy? "You are filling her spot"? What on earth are you talking about?

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    • Cookies on the bottom shelf time?
      Theory 1: He WAS very accustomed to a spouse/SO (no longer with him, e. g. died, broke up = vacancy) that always split expenses. This is more common among those trying to live on minimum wage, social security checks. You might spin this into a complement in the sense he feels that comfortable with you.

      Shall I go on... or a waste of my time?
      If more is desired, please report more details, events.

    • Thanks for clearing that up. Lol.

  • He's hubbie material, cause he's treating you as equal as him.
    Aren't you a lucky lady... :)

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  • I think splitting makes perfect sense

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  • I do exactly that. I don't buy drinks for women either.

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  • Doesn't necessarily mean he is not into you. Maybe he just wants to find you're a gold digger.

    I mean if a girl got upset about having to pay the same amount I do there wouldn't be a second date.

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    • So if a woman wants a relationship with a man who can support himself for the future if she has kids then she is a gold digger?

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    • @ikissedtheskyonce "To get to know them"- why? And how? You assert that you don't do anything with the people you date because "dating isn't a relationship", but you also assert that you expect those who you have dates with to pay for everything. Isn't that exactly the same thing as being a sugar-baby? Aren't you effectively just freeloading off of them, going on dates to have a good time while those who you go on those dates with are just there to pick up your tab?

    • @SinghSong that might explain why I struggle to get an answer to my "selfish" question. Of course I won't get anything in return, that would ruin her dream of being spoiled

  • Maybe he's a feminist? I think that's the way all dating should be. He's not trying to woo you or convince you that he's the one. You're together because each likes the other. You don't have to feel guilty or obligated or consider how much he has spent on you. It isn't about a guy proving he has the means to support you, because the trope of a man supporting a woman financially is quickly dying out.

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  • well not necessarily. It's possible that he is a very systematic and particular person, so it's not like he not willing to spend too much on you, but part of his upbringing or habits may have involved him organizing things. furthermore, even if he didn't love you, he does care, because if he's willing to give even that 50, there's something.
    that's what I feel.
    that's what I think
    best of luck!

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  • I wouldn't look too deep into it, after all he is taking "time" out to be with you. You can always get your money back, but never your time. I've always paid on the first date, but all the girls would chip in somehow on the following dates so the whole "gold digger" thing goes out of the window.

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  • Maybe he sees you as am equal and thinks paying 50% is right? Mad, wacky notion.

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    • Yeah that's fine and I'm fine with it. I'm just asking to get a male perspective on whether this guy Iis genuinely interested or not

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    • @brain5000 if you went out with a male buddy and he let you pay for him and never said thanks or offered to pay that is rude. Surely you would feel he took advantage of you?

    • Yeah, you're right. He is taking you for granted. If it only happened once, it wouldn't be a huge deal but if that's an indication of his personality then that's bad.

  • It's something he does to see if you might be worth being into... It's a measure of your character. If he just pays the bills he's trying to buy you. That's not being into you. That's seeing you as an object that needs to be bought (a prostitute) and more than often it's not too far from the truth...

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  • Some of the guys who do this are gonna hate me for giving this away but...
    It's a sneaky little way of knowing A LOT about the women we intend to date.
    Is she the '50/50' type or the 'It's all about me' type.

    If after the date he doesn't call back and he used this on the first date... you know why.

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  • I am very old fashion. I will pay for our date. Food movies. Events. Etc. Maybe he's broke? Sorry can't help to much

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  • Well a lot of girls say they want equality and would pay 50-50, of course big chunk of them are lying some even use it as a Test like if it even matters. Mayb in the name of equality guy was simply being respectful and try be equal.

    In seriousnes there is no way to know, it could be he normally goes dutch. Only way to be certain is if he calls you back or not, even then again it doesn't mean he normally doesn't do this. I pay for the date myself no 50-50.

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  • I'm paying for the first few dates. If you don't allow me to do so, you're not for me.

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  • becz first dates are just like applications for an interview... so why invest money on something that hasn't even started yet...

    I bet that these type of guys after 3 to 4 dates would not split!

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  • I only make her pay if I didn't like her by the end of the date. if I wanna see her again I'll pay of not then she gotta pay her own because im not seeing her again.

    Also. it could. be a test

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  • Nope he's probably not that into you.

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What Girls Said 52

  • on a first date, i always come prepared to pay for myself. times are tough for everyone, and sticking the poor guy with the tab because of his gender is outdated.

    still, to answer your question, it could mean anything. but i'd be curious to know how the date went otherwise~ that's a much better indicator of how into you (or not) he is.

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  • He ain't Arab for sure, if a guy does this here he would be considered a cheap ass.
    Lol heck we even fight to pay for our friends/group when we go out here, it's common courtesy.

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    • haha im not arab but its the same here. what kind of cheap ass offer to split when they take a woman out on a FIRST date? she can always pay for drinks or dessert later

  • I have been on Plenty of First Dates, and He normally pays for everything.
    However, I have also found, that it may Not be the Best date of my life because the guy may feel that if it is a Bad Feel and not a Good Deal, he would Not have Invested the money, but just some Time instead, to see if it was worth his Own... Time.
    If he wanted to go '50/50' maybe he has his own reasons. Could be he felt like what I just Wrote or he is Low on cash and it is Better for him this 'Time' around.
    My only question now is, @Mscocoabutter, is there any contact after the date for a Possible Second one?
    Good luck. xx

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  • Not my boyfriend. I want someone to take care of me. Its like human nature.

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  • It just means he's progressive or nontraditional, typically. I mean, we live in 2016, fewer and fewer people believe that it's solely up to the guy to show his interest by paying for a date. Interest is shown by more meaningful means then how willing you are to spend money on a person.

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  • eh, it's no deal breaker but it's not as attractive as him paying on the first date.
    sorry if i offended any of the stingy guys out there.

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  • I don't think it means anything particular. I have come across a lot of men who like to pay for the first date. But then always the ones that I go to more dates with do not pay more than their own even on the first date. I dont expect them to pay, but after "one asshole" I can't go without paying attention to it. This asshole was always broke and somehow he always paid! He was so sweet... yeah but later he proved to be an asshole... :(

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  • If it went well, it'd just encourage me to go on another date.

    Never liked it when men paid for me. I like paying for my own.

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  • I would think that he was smart and would be pretty pleased about it.

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  • I would be the first to offer to split the bill, I think it says that I am not a gold digger and not looking for someone to take care of me. If he I offered to split, even better. It shows that he is treating me like an equal.

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  • I'd like it if a guy pays for the first date.. I'd totally offer and might even insist but it'll give him bonus points if he says he wants to do it. maybe I'm into gentlemen kinda guys lol.. I don't like splitting.. I'd pay for the second date... and he for 3rd and so on..

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    • yes im the same its always nice if a guy offers to pay for the first date. of course i offered to split too but he will earn points if he insists. i will definitely insist on paying for the next time we go out though. it's still equality but it is nicer

    • @CleoNicole true.. I'd pay for the second one for sure.. don't care if he insists.. to make it equal

  • Personal opinion? The man should OFFER and be READY to pay for the first date. But if the woman offers to or insists on paying for her half, he should not protest.

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    • -perfect response right here-

    • Why should he offer? Why shouldn't she?

    • @Ghshsjskks nothing wrong with *her* offering either. Just giving my own personal opinion. You're more than entitled to yours. =)

  • I prefer it. I hate when anyone pays for me, even a guy. I know if someone wants to pay for me, it's a nice feature, but it's always hard for me to accept it. It's a pride thing I think. I once got in a fight with my uncle when he insisted on paying for me when I visited him for a week. I told him since he was letting me stay at his place for free he shouldn't pay for my dinner but he thought since I was his guest he should. I can take care of myself though. I've been taking care of myself for years and I make good money. So I'm capable of paying for my own stuff.

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  • I think there is nothing to worry about. This "worrying over not being gentleman enough to pay" is something that only weak women expect. As you said, you can perfectly pay for yourself. Both in relationship and marriage, there should be financial equality and transparency and I think he is being smart enough for the equality part. All in all, there is no motive behind it except equality and being smart.

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  • It's rudeness.

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  • In my opinion (others may think differently), I believe the person who asks the other person to go on the date should pay. Wether if it's the male or female. I think once a few dates have gone then the two can begin evenly splitting the bill. I won't mind if the guy wants to evenly split the bill on the first date, but I may be a little annoyed that I was asked out as a treat and then ended up paying for my "treat". I'm sure they'd feel the same if I offered to take them out for dinner and ended up having them pay for their meal as it may be disrespectful. So I guess my answer is, the concept is great in general but for the first date whoever set up the date has to pay (wether it's boy or girl).

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  • I don't agree with this concept but I respect others who think otherwise. I'm quite traditional and I've never had a guy who made me pay for the meals. Even my boyfriend now. He wouldn't let me pay for the food.

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  • If I'm the one who invites the guy (and yes, it happens) then I'm paying for both of us. But, honestly, If he's the one who invites me, I expect him to pay. it gets different after first dates.. I always offer to split, and sometimes, I'll do the paying and sometimes, I'll let myself be invited.. No big deal for me. But if a guy asks me out then doesn't pay, I wouldn't be going on a second date with him lol.

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  • I'd feel bad that we can't go anywhere good because I'm broker than a shattered vase.

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  • I want him to court him and pay for me at least on the first date

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    • Courting is the 50s most guys would laugh at your face if you expected to courted.

  • Im fine with it, I like it 50/50 too. What would you think if a girl wanted to split 50/50 instead of paying all by herself? Kind of a double standard, don't you think?

    I only let guys pay stuff for me when they insist on giving me something, when I bought the previous time or when they owe me in some way. For example, a guy once dropped his drink all over me and bought me one afterwards as an apology.

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  • Splitting makes the most sense to me. I don't really see a correlation between that and him not being into you.

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  • i wouldn't care if he pays everything when we are dating... but in the first date, he has to pay... thats why i always let the man choose where to go. so he can choose to his own money.
    but in the first date... he has to pay.

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  • seems legit that's a good idea

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  • i dated this guy once. on the first date, when the bill came, he acted like he wanted to pay for it. i expected the guy to pay for the first meal but i still offer to split the bill. and to my surprise he let me pay for the whole thing haha--> minor turn off. i went on the second date with him and he didn't even want to stand near me in a queue to get food i guess because he didn't want to pay for the food so we each paid for our own food.
    My opinion in this matter is this: it's always nice when the guy offers to pay especially on the FIRST date. for me i always offer to split but they will earn point if they insist on paying. i of course will insist on paying for the next time we eat or do something on the same date or the 2nd date. it's still equality but it's just nicer

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  • If I have a $5 salad and he has a $20 steak, I don't think this relationship is going to last very long.

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  • Why would each of you not pay for what you consumed?

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  • Depends on who invited who out. Of he invited me somewhere I. Would expect him to pay unless he tells me ahead of time. It's a courtesy thing for me. If I invite someone somewhere I am always prepared to pay for us both unless I tell them I don't have the money for that before they agree to come.

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    • I'm not gonna get upset if I have to pay for myself but it adds a bit of negativity to how I view him. Unless it's something expensive. Expensive (anything over 20something) should be split cuz that's too much

  • probably believes in equality... he probably isn't made out of money either

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  • There is nothing wrong with that. It could mean he sees you as a friend, but it could also mean that this is what he does on dates. Maybe he isn't rich, maybe he does not think women should get everything for free.

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