Any guy who doesn't pay for a first date is an idiot. Women are attracted to providers, regardless that they can afford to pay for themselves, so not paying only kills the romantic vibe. Even if she's intellectually ok with paying for herself, emotionally she will be more guarded against you because estrogen makes women attracted to providers. If you don't want to pay for an expensive dinner then here's and idea... don't take her to an expensive dinner!
I always meet at a coffee shop for a first date. I'll even get there early so i already have my coffee and she buys her own. We chat for an hour two, then leave and walk around and maybe grab a cheap snack and chat some more. If everything goes well we go for a drive and do some fun cheap or free activity.
3-4 hours into the date and if things are going well we'll have kissed, and then if I like her we'll go out for a late dinner and drinks for $30 at most. If things haven't gone well then I take her back to her car and say goodbye.
As a man it's your job to set the tone. If you make her pay for yourself, then the tone you set is that you don't provide for her. It may seem logical to split, but the first step to being successful with women is knowing that a woman responds to positive emotions, not logic. A woman will want another date with you if being with you makes her feel good. If being with you feels like a business transaction or a friends night out, she won't.
It's really fucking simple. I don't know you. You pay for your shit, I pay for mine. That starts the basis of the potential relationship. Are you a child incapable of paying for yourself, and I am elected as the guardian of you? Or are we equals?
The reasoning is probably, "I'm not going to pay for every chick's stuff when I have no garuntee that it will go anywhere and we're just strangers. I'm not just going to hand out free meals for nothing." It's about how he views women. Are they children or equals?
Depends on the man. Some like the more modern view of splitting the check on the first date or so. Some see it as their obligation to pay. Its an odd subject that does not really have a right answer.
When I take a woman out on a first date I usually offer to pay every time. But If I offer to pay and a woman does not want to split the bill it does not hurt my feelings. But it is annoying if they don't want another date and essentially get a free meal out of it. I have a lot of respect for women that if they don't see a second date coming they offer to split the bill.
I have no clue. I always pay for first dates and there after. I think its gentlemen like and i know lots of women like it. More. the gesture than the act itself. Like they don't expect him too but it's a nice thing to do. Call me old fashioned but this is how it used to work. Men paid for all the dates and everything while dating. Then the wife's family paid for the wedding. Thats how it used to go down and all this got started. Cuz at the end of the day the ultimate end goal in dating is marriage. I do however like either going 50/50 or one treat one this time and the other the next time in a really a serious relationship.
its call "the times" women/females are suppose to be "smart and independent" individuals who are not pets of males. as of such with this change in society u can expect to as society loves to say "pay ur fair". so it means nothing about how he feels toward u, he is "trying" to show respect. at the start of the date u can talk about who is paying and can ask how he feels about it and see where he stands. some guys are more than willing to pay for the date. that also puts u in the "less" independent role though. i am not going to say he will expect u to put out after paying for a meal, but u see where i am going here non the less.
It's something he DID and you are filling her spot is my vote. Only when you get into SS payments (mid-60's) do such frugal/CPA-esque practices come to light SO filling a vacancy could be a complement but better is being cared for & paid for, at first anyway.
Maybe he's a feminist? I think that's the way all dating should be. He's not trying to woo you or convince you that he's the one. You're together because each likes the other. You don't have to feel guilty or obligated or consider how much he has spent on you. It isn't about a guy proving he has the means to support you, because the trope of a man supporting a woman financially is quickly dying out.
well not necessarily. It's possible that he is a very systematic and particular person, so it's not like he not willing to spend too much on you, but part of his upbringing or habits may have involved him organizing things. furthermore, even if he didn't love you, he does care, because if he's willing to give even that 50, there's something. that's what I feel. that's what I think best of luck!
I wouldn't look too deep into it, after all he is taking "time" out to be with you. You can always get your money back, but never your time. I've always paid on the first date, but all the girls would chip in somehow on the following dates so the whole "gold digger" thing goes out of the window.
It's something he does to see if you might be worth being into... It's a measure of your character. If he just pays the bills he's trying to buy you. That's not being into you. That's seeing you as an object that needs to be bought (a prostitute) and more than often it's not too far from the truth...
Some of the guys who do this are gonna hate me for giving this away but... It's a sneaky little way of knowing A LOT about the women we intend to date. Is she the '50/50' type or the 'It's all about me' type.
If after the date he doesn't call back and he used this on the first date... you know why.
Well a lot of girls say they want equality and would pay 50-50, of course big chunk of them are lying some even use it as a Test like if it even matters. Mayb in the name of equality guy was simply being respectful and try be equal.
In seriousnes there is no way to know, it could be he normally goes dutch. Only way to be certain is if he calls you back or not, even then again it doesn't mean he normally doesn't do this. I pay for the date myself no 50-50.
I have been on Plenty of First Dates, and He normally pays for everything. However, I have also found, that it may Not be the Best date of my life because the guy may feel that if it is a Bad Feel and not a Good Deal, he would Not have Invested the money, but just some Time instead, to see if it was worth his Own... Time. If he wanted to go '50/50' maybe he has his own reasons. Could be he felt like what I just Wrote or he is Low on cash and it is Better for him this 'Time' around. My only question now is, @Mscocoabutter, is there any contact after the date for a Possible Second one? Good luck. xx
It just means he's progressive or nontraditional, typically. I mean, we live in 2016, fewer and fewer people believe that it's solely up to the guy to show his interest by paying for a date. Interest is shown by more meaningful means then how willing you are to spend money on a person.
I don't think it means anything particular. I have come across a lot of men who like to pay for the first date. But then always the ones that I go to more dates with do not pay more than their own even on the first date. I dont expect them to pay, but after "one asshole" I can't go without paying attention to it. This asshole was always broke and somehow he always paid! He was so sweet... yeah but later he proved to be an asshole... :(
I would be the first to offer to split the bill, I think it says that I am not a gold digger and not looking for someone to take care of me. If he I offered to split, even better. It shows that he is treating me like an equal.
I'd like it if a guy pays for the first date.. I'd totally offer and might even insist but it'll give him bonus points if he says he wants to do it. maybe I'm into gentlemen kinda guys lol.. I don't like splitting.. I'd pay for the second date... and he for 3rd and so on..
I prefer it. I hate when anyone pays for me, even a guy. I know if someone wants to pay for me, it's a nice feature, but it's always hard for me to accept it. It's a pride thing I think. I once got in a fight with my uncle when he insisted on paying for me when I visited him for a week. I told him since he was letting me stay at his place for free he shouldn't pay for my dinner but he thought since I was his guest he should. I can take care of myself though. I've been taking care of myself for years and I make good money. So I'm capable of paying for my own stuff.
I think there is nothing to worry about. This "worrying over not being gentleman enough to pay" is something that only weak women expect. As you said, you can perfectly pay for yourself. Both in relationship and marriage, there should be financial equality and transparency and I think he is being smart enough for the equality part. All in all, there is no motive behind it except equality and being smart.
In my opinion (others may think differently), I believe the person who asks the other person to go on the date should pay. Wether if it's the male or female. I think once a few dates have gone then the two can begin evenly splitting the bill. I won't mind if the guy wants to evenly split the bill on the first date, but I may be a little annoyed that I was asked out as a treat and then ended up paying for my "treat". I'm sure they'd feel the same if I offered to take them out for dinner and ended up having them pay for their meal as it may be disrespectful. So I guess my answer is, the concept is great in general but for the first date whoever set up the date has to pay (wether it's boy or girl).
I don't agree with this concept but I respect others who think otherwise. I'm quite traditional and I've never had a guy who made me pay for the meals. Even my boyfriend now. He wouldn't let me pay for the food.
If I'm the one who invites the guy (and yes, it happens) then I'm paying for both of us. But, honestly, If he's the one who invites me, I expect him to pay. it gets different after first dates.. I always offer to split, and sometimes, I'll do the paying and sometimes, I'll let myself be invited.. No big deal for me. But if a guy asks me out then doesn't pay, I wouldn't be going on a second date with him lol.
Im fine with it, I like it 50/50 too. What would you think if a girl wanted to split 50/50 instead of paying all by herself? Kind of a double standard, don't you think?
I only let guys pay stuff for me when they insist on giving me something, when I bought the previous time or when they owe me in some way. For example, a guy once dropped his drink all over me and bought me one afterwards as an apology.
i wouldn't care if he pays everything when we are dating... but in the first date, he has to pay... thats why i always let the man choose where to go. so he can choose to his own money. but in the first date... he has to pay.
i dated this guy once. on the first date, when the bill came, he acted like he wanted to pay for it. i expected the guy to pay for the first meal but i still offer to split the bill. and to my surprise he let me pay for the whole thing haha--> minor turn off. i went on the second date with him and he didn't even want to stand near me in a queue to get food i guess because he didn't want to pay for the food so we each paid for our own food. My opinion in this matter is this: it's always nice when the guy offers to pay especially on the FIRST date. for me i always offer to split but they will earn point if they insist on paying. i of course will insist on paying for the next time we eat or do something on the same date or the 2nd date. it's still equality but it's just nicer
Depends on who invited who out. Of he invited me somewhere I. Would expect him to pay unless he tells me ahead of time. It's a courtesy thing for me. If I invite someone somewhere I am always prepared to pay for us both unless I tell them I don't have the money for that before they agree to come.
There is nothing wrong with that. It could mean he sees you as a friend, but it could also mean that this is what he does on dates. Maybe he isn't rich, maybe he does not think women should get everything for free.