So I'm 23, kind of a reserved and introverted guy, never had a girlfriend / kissed a girl blah blah blah. I'm not complaining about it. I'm not feeling desperate about it or using it as a reason to beat myself up inside. In fact I think I have a positive self-image. I don't have a giant ego or anything but I do think I have plenty of qualities a woman would want in a boyfriend.
But anyways, the thing is I feel like I've fallen behind.everyone else and it feels like that holds me back.
I wasn't really popular in grade school. When I started high-school I started having problems with depression on and off right up to the present day. When you hate yourself it's just not attractive not to mention it puts a big damper on your desire as well. It's getting better and I've been working on it mentally by myself as well as medically with my doctor.
I was lucky enough to meet a lot of good friends and they helped me a lot. When I finished high school I felt like I was just getting to the point where I could start to be socially confident and popular. Then went I went into college and after that I had a couple jobs where there just never were a lot of women around. I decided to go back to school but there's not many women in my program.
The only real experience I got was a couple times when a girl I really fell for and couldn't take my eyes off of showed interest in me and flirted with me but at the time I was too shy to take things to the next level and only afterwards did I realize what was really going on. I guess they lost interest in me for being passive. I hope I didn't hurt their feelings. I wish I could accidentally stumble into a relationship like this but the older you get the less likely it is.
I personally have a lot of respect for women in general and I've gotten over most of my mental issues. Back when I was depressed I had an axe to grind and that just isn't cool.
Girls interest me on an intellectual level and I do a lot of reading about dating and that kind of thing but because I haven't experienced it, it just feels like theory.
I'm still kind of reserved but not nearly as much as I used to be but I still sometimes feel like I've missed the boat. Don't get me wrong I can still be a masculine guy that can make you feel like a woman. I used to be the classic nice guy (boring, clingy) inside but now I'm more well adjusted and wiser than I was.
I feel like I missed out on what should be a part of every guy's teenage life and because of that I shot myself in the foot. I feel like if I could get a gf, have a relationship, go through a break up then I will have the first hand experience I need to build the confidence to be self assured and chase women but I just need help getting my foot in the door. I just feel like I'm flying blind and my problem isn't fear of rejection but approaching feels foreign to me and I feel way out of my comfort zone.
So am I too far behind? Does it turn girls off? If not how would I get started?
Most Helpful Girl
Hey, you sound like the shy but cool guy in tech or engineering that most of my girlfriends are dreaming to meet. Seriously, there aren't enough guys like you out there. You're articulate, thoughtful, have worked on yourself and are working towards meeting and wooing a good woman. You're 90% there, just let them find you! Lack of experience is definitely not a turnoff--the flip side of not having much dating experience is that it means you have high standards.
With more experience meeting girls and going on casual dates, you'll get gradually more comfortable. Hang out in cafes, libraries, bookstores, and look for girls who don't seem too focused on their studying... take the bus or subway and talk to girls sitting near you about what they're reading, etc. The next time you're at a pub/club with your buddies, watch the girls. Watch how guys approach them and what seems to work and what doesn't. Hang out with a more experienced guy and watch him pick up girls. Check out this handy non-spam site I just found which has some good step-by-steps: link If you're intent on meeting girls and just need a little more structure, take a ballroom/salsa dancing class. There's always a need for straight men there, and girls will be fighting over you.
When it comes to physical contact, take it slow, and try to let her actions guide you. A brief touch on her forearm during your first or second conversation, then a gentle hand on her back after opening the door for her on your date, brief hugs with a slow approach and disengagement after the date, bringing your face close during a private moment on your 3rd or 4th date and asking if you can kiss her--then a soft peck on the lips. You're well on your way... she'll teach you the rest.
Oh also--don't worry about never having done those things at your age... the truth is, you get to catch up quick. :) My first kiss was when I was 22, just out of college... I used to be super-religious and boy-shy but that changed... now a few years, several dates, and a steady boyfriend later who I moved in with for a month, I'm pretty confident in my experience and sexuality. Stay safe and good luck!0