In your experience - is dating easy, moderate or hard?

it honestly feels like pulling teeth as if I'm pandering to girls I've never met and I have very little interest because none of them are being themselves... I might as well be talking to Siri.

it's a combination of frustration and humiliation, I just keep getting blown off when I do find girls that are interested or at least entertaining the notion of going out - like I wouldn't say I'm a model but I'm definitely not ugly.

I feel like I should dye my hair green and just be like "fuck it, none of you want to be with me so I don't want to be with you".

  • easy - like playing duke nukem in God mode...
    8% (4)6% (2)7% (6)Vote
  • Moderate - I have to put in effort but I wouldn't say I'm struggling...
    45% (23)26% (9)37% (32)Vote
  • Hard - let's put it this way, if dating was water and I was lost in the desert... I would have died a long time ago
    35% (18)37% (13)36% (31)Vote
  • Fuck dating (I don't want to explain but again - fuck dating)
    12% (6)31% (11)20% (17)Vote
And you are? I'm a GirlI'm a Guy
Updates:
Let's keep this question going... Do you have to look like a model to have success with online dating?

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Most Helpful Girl

  • The roulette wheel of dating sucks, for sure. I'm always so relieved to find someone to be with so I can stop the nonsense.

    You may find an attitude change helpful, though. Look at these dates/encounters s adventures and try to find the lighter side. My most disastrous dates are some of my funniest stories :)

    Hang in there and don't give up.

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    • Yup, I agree here.
      @Asker If I ate a cookie for the number of times you've used "I feel so frustrated, it ends up nowhere", I'd gain at least 2-3 pounds. ;P Haha, sorry. But take the date as an adventure without expectations. Maybe something about the way you behave indicates to them that you're REALLY looking to turning the date into something. And maybe they're not ready for something so soon. They want the space to know you better, have multiple hangouts first, just have fun talking and feeling comfortable in your presence. Be a bit more aggressive (vs. timid) in terms of meeting and hanging out, even flirting, but don't expect anything from them. You have a good eye to realise if they're suggesting something, but play your cards right. It's hard to suggest things or give advice considering each person you meet will have a different set of needs and tuning, but use your moments confidently. Show that you want to hang out with them actively, not like you don't care if they do or not.

Most Helpful Guy

  • I think moderate but it might be influenced by culture: I'm in Japan where I feel like the difficulty level is "moderate" for me (I somehow seem to be more attractive to Japanese and European women than American women, probably because I have some of those boyish Japanese looks and not the macho kind of popular American look).

    In the U. S. I thought it was more difficult and really had to be more aggressive there. Actually I think the U. S. is the highest difficulty.

    That said, even in Japan, I'd say my odds of getting a girl to agree to go on a date with me are like 5%, as in one in twenty women or so will agree. I just went aggressive and kept moving to the next attractive girl and next attractive girl till I got lucky. It also helps to kind of look at yourself as objectively as possible in the virtual mirror (not just looks) and see what you can change about yourself to boost your general sex appeal among women. Doing that helped me a lot, especially when I changed to become a far more social creature who is independent and assertive.

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    • Did you make any appearance changes though?

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    • Agreed -- though I think my life became easier when I started seeing dating not so much as a romantic proposal but just a way to hang out with a girl and get to know her (which then allowed me to ask mere acquaintances out, and sometimes on the same day I met them if the conversation was going well). And I definitely had some "duds" during the dating process, where I found as I got to know a girl that she didn't interest me at all.

      But I much prefer that to developing feelings for a girl before even going on a date and getting rejected. That can kind of traumatize you and shatter your confidence.

    • The girl that rejected me did it in a way that left me in disbelief... Fuck I'm over talking about it.

What Girls Said 11

  • i hate dating~ it's unnecessarily complicated, for all involved, and i'm so glad i don't have to do it anymore. :)

    a couple of years ago, i was 27 and working 60+ hours/week. i had no interest in using my few hours of precious alone-time to "go out and meet people"... so, at the advice of a good friend, i gave the online scene a go.

    at first, it was frustrating... i got a lot of one-word messages and was unpleasantly surprised by how many people assume that "pansexual" means "bisexual" or "down for threesomes and kinky shit" (not what i'm looking for, thanks). some idiot even called me a "fake bitch" because i wouldn't give him my phone # or fb info immediately (and why should i, when i don't know you from a hole in the wall?). and yes, i agonized over which pics to use, worried that i wasn't skinny enough. but, just as i was getting ready to give up, a guy came along who made it all worth it.

    he wrote more than 3 words; he used proper grammar; he took a genuine interest in me. and, on top of it all, he was pretty cute. :) so we talked for a month before finally meeting in-person~ our first date was magical and, almost two years later, we're still inseparable.

    so, how do you make dating easier on yourself? just be authentic. when you message someone, introduce yourself and comment on something you see in her profile pic~ as for pics of yourself, go with one of your face/full body and others of you doing activities you enjoy (basket-weaving, cliff-diving, whatever).

    you'll likely sift through mountains of shit before you find your diamond. but i assure you that, when you do find her, it will be totally worth it.

    good luck!

    -von

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    • One word responses is some annoying bullshit that both girls & boys (not women and men because that is childish) seem to do on internet dating sites.

      As for your advice on what I should do - thank you but I'm already aware of all of that and I have already implemented those suggestions... It's just that the mountains of shit are thick and it's hard not to get buried in it.

      But with that being said - there isn't really anything you can do but endure and keep trying and I guess that's what I'll do.

    • i agree completely, and i'm glad to hear that you're already doing the things i mentioned. best of luck to you :)

      -von
      "with persistence, victory is assured"

  • I hate dating. You have to figure them out and they have to figure you out and then you both have to learn to deal with each other. You start that dance over when you go to a new date and that's a lot work. Whoever said love is easy is messed up. Everything that is worth it is work

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    • I'm not really getting any bites is one of the things that is driving me crazy...

    • When I started dating, I moved to a new town. Joined two churches. Told everyone that I am looking. Also, I did something risky which is craigslist dating but the two guys i met off craigslist were completely normal thank God. I also met my neighbors and I said yes to pretty much anyone who asked me to hang out and i about asked any and every guy that seemed a bit interested in me out. In one year i had dated more guys in my life than thn the last bkah blah blah years of my life becomes i had never dated before and it was exciting! !! I also dated every guy who wanted to date me at work.

  • dating is easy, relationships (and making them work) and actually finding a connection and chemistry with someone you date is hard, for me at least.

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    • I struggle to just advance from chatting through text to actually meeting in person... It's so frustrating.

      I just want to be given a shot.

  • Eh I really haven't put a ton of effort into dating like others have. If it happened, it happened. If not I was cool single lol.

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  • I never dated so never had an issue,
    Is it really that hard? Would you like a tissue?

    I never played the game and find it hard to understand,
    All these silly little rules, all the things they demand.
    People are just people, I like them that way,
    Not when pitted against each other, thrown into the fray.
    I just don't get how it's hard just to meet,
    A man or a woman and fall head over feet.
    I'm not very pretty, I'm no work of art,
    but there's always been interest, always a spark.
    I suppose having friends, and being out in society,
    helps you meet others (and lose your sobriety).
    I never thought trying sounded like fun,
    You just have to be you and see who will come.

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  • It is difficult. You are looking for one person among thousands. Until you meet the right match, you will be constantly clashing against people that you have no chemistry with. But don't give up, the thing you find will be in the last place you look.

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  • Hard... I don't connect with a lot of people. I go on a lot of dates but I've only ever connected with 3 guys in my life

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  • Dating has its upsides and downsides, pros and cons, but overall I think dating is great. Moderate.

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  • Hard

    No one wants to date me

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  • Dating is the worst. But unfortunately you can't get to the comfortable relationship without dating

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  • I'm ok at dating, but don't enjoy it because I feel like I'm just playing a role to what the guy wants. I feel like I can feel people's wants shimmering off of them, and feel guilty when I don't giggle at their jokes and compliment them and be coy at the right moment.

    I'm terrible at relationships because I don't have many redeeming romantic traits past being compulsively pleasant in social situations (see above).

    I'm bright and somewhat kind and can cook and clean and screw a lot, but I'm missing something vital that I can't pinpoint that makes a person loveable.

    So I voted moderate.

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    • I feel like I'm pandering/playing a role but I break character all the time because of a few reasons - I can't stand facades, I get fed up with the bullshit and the need for something real takes over as well as I just don't have the patience/tolerance for such guises - I want to be me but that doesn't seem to work so I feel like I need to be something different but even if I do change its would probably only be temporary.

      I can't help you figure out the missing component for yourself maybe it's the guys you date or maybe you need to figure yourself out... I don't know, I can't even figure my own shit out.

    • I think some of us are just different. We don't fall nicely into the typical little formula or some variation of it, so it's hard to know where to fit in.

What Guys Said 7

  • C for me. You could always "go your own way" if nothing works out right. Save yourself further headaches, heartbreaks, disappointments, as happiness and satisfaction really comes from within ourselves and not from somebody else, as they can never exactly "complete" us.

    I more or less had given up since I figured that to me dating really don't make that much of a difference nor is it really a priority anymore as I really have no desire to ever have any offspring of my own, and I don't want to be around someone or ever date someone that already have kids either. I always think and believed that dating would be generally more difficult if you have the restrictions of not wanting any children to begin with, as I think and believed that the majority of girls and women do want to have them than not and it will quickly become a dealbreaker as I am unwilling to change what I don't ever want to have or create.

    And even if I do find some single lady out there that don't want any kids, it still won't guarantee or mean that we're compatible and would completely get along, or even have common interests, and more often than not we'd be completely opposite and very different people, total strangers that can't really relate to well to each other with only exceptions to the fact of that one same thing, that neither of us ever want any kids. So like I said, dating really becomes fucking hard for me.

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    • That is a very well thought out opinion BUT at the same time you're still only 18 - it's really easy to say I don't need anyone when you're still technically a teenager.

      This is one of those things where age and time will change your opinion drastically (I know it sure did for me). I use to feel the same way at your age up until I was around 23/24 and then a certain lonely frustration became too much to bare.

      Relationships are more than just sex (and procreation lol) it's about the little things and the moments you share experiencing life together.

    • @WhateverMayBeWillBe

      Incorrect, the age displayed on my profile here is not my true age since I never registered with my real birthday. There are still many users on this site that have not realized that, and I guess you're another one of them. I'm actually in my mid-30s. I more or less had given up long time ago once I realized that kids aren't gonna be something that will ever fit into my mind set and lifestyle.

      I never really have any time to share my life with anyone else since I'm always caught up with work or school assignments as I had to return to school for more training all fucking thanks to a prior job loss I had suffered. And even the last job I had, had a really busy and demanding schedule with very little vacation time so therefore it made it really difficult for me to ever put in any real time and effort to really ever "date" or see any girl.

  • Your sour grapes statement at the end is pretty much a way to guarantee you won't get any dates. A toxic/bitter/angry attitude will repel people.

    It's not always easy, it takes up a lot of time... but when you find the right person, not only does it all happen so easily, but it feels so great you know it was worth it all to get there.

    A more constructive version of the "fuck it" attitude can serve you well, if you don't let people jerk you around.

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    • I agree that my attitude is a problem, but it's kind of a catch 22 - I wouldn't be negative if I had someone but my negativity pushes people away.

      What would you suggest I do when someone try's to "jerk me" around and what is you definition of that?

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    • Would you say that the line "I'm busy..." Along with whatever explanation they give is just an excuse/roundabout way of saying no?

      And if I ask someone what they're doing this week and it's met with "I can't because..." Should I ask again at a later point in time or should they be the one who should asks now considering they cancelled?

    • People are allowed to be busy. People who are consistently busy or making excuses are... making excuses. Someone who is genuinely interested in you will make time for you.

  • I've never tried so I dont know. I feel like it would be hard for me because I don't like meeting new people and prefer to keep to myself.

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  • Extremely hard. I'm not saying all women are evil, but it's fucking difficult to impress them these days unless you look like Spartacus.

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  • Dating is both easy and a total waste of time.

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  • it's pretty moot.

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  • Hmm well getting a date isn't so easy since I'm too shy to ever make a move, but once a girl asks me out the actual dating is very easy, I just be myself and they love me

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    • Yeah but I'll starve if I wait for them to make a move... But I'm starving right now so I guess it doesn't matter lol.

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