There's a new guy I'm dating that I really like and could see him becoming my boyfriend soon. However, when we talk, he frequently looks down at my boobs and then back to my eyes. I know that's something guys do and I don't mind, but when I jokingly called him out for it last night, he denies that's what he was doing. I asked what did he keep looking down at if not my boobs and he said he didn't know. My friend said that if he can't even fess up to doing it, then that's not a good sign. I thought maybe he was just shy about it. He had one major girlfriend the whole time he was in college (4 years) and she was his first kiss and first all that and then besides her, has only dated a couple of girls on a few casual dates (nothing serious). He's 24 by the way and says he's ready for something serious again
3mo Is it a red flag?
3mo I guess I'm unsure because a few months ago I broke up with my ex who was bluntly honest and would've been like "Yeah, I was haha sorry"
I don't see how it's a red flag at all. Maybe he's kind of a "gentleman"? (I realize that sounds odd in the context of being caught looking at boobs).
Tricky part is that some girls think sexual desire is equivalent to solely sexual desire. For us guys, being romantically interested in a girl is often totally blurry with being sexually interested. But if we get caught checking out a girl's boobs or something, she might end up feeling like we see her as nothing more than a pair of boobs. So it's a delicate subject matter.
Anyway, as abc3643 wisely suggested, if you tell him it's okay, he'll probably feel quite relieved.
Sounds like he's just shy about it. It's like getting caught doing something you "shouldn't be" so your first instinct is to be like "WHAAAAT NOO... I'M NOT!" plus you approached it in a joking manner, so he probably didn't think you were that serious so he could get away with just being like "HAHA NO". I feel like your friend is jumping to conclusions way too fast.
Lying might be a bit of a harsh way to interpret him not fulling disclosing his ogling eyes. For the most part, this guy sounds like he's more conservative and does not want to come across as a pervert as it seems you guys are still just passing the budding stage of a relationship. - He's young however seems nice.
"My friend said that if he can't even fess up to doing it, then that's not a good sign."
- this friend doesn't seem to have your good interest, what friend would sum this "doubt" of yours by introducing more insecurities? The heck? Does this friend also talk a lot of crap about people and overall enviest personality?
IMO: This is such a small part of an overall picture of why you're considering talking yourself out of this relationship? Maybe he's too naive and nice and you'd like more cocky and attitude out of your guy?
I think that you made him a bit shy when you said it and he didn't want to make you feel uncomfortable so he told you he didn't. The only other option is that he did it without realizing that he was which is just a natural reaction for a guy at times not all times I mind you but sometimes. In either case though he wasn't trying to cause offence nor was he being extremely rude due to the fact of natural human curiosity or instinctive reaction. I think your friend that told you it's not a good sign may have misunderstood your concern I feel she may have though may have thought that you may have been frustrated with him there for answered as she did. I'm sure you where more curious than anything when you had asked her. Well that's my two cents in it, I wish you luck in life and love and that you and he enjoy one another. He seems like an okay guy so give him a break okay sometimes reading to much in to something makes fall's impression on others. Good luck dear and enjoy him okay.
Your friend is wrong, but what you should say to your male friend is that it is OK and that you understand if he's checking out your boobs. Once you give him that "you won't be punished" release, he will fess up. It's no different than dealing with little kids who lie when they've done something they believed was wrong.
It sounds like he is shy and was some what embarrassed by bein caught and more for being called on it. The fact he denied it in this case is not really surprising and is less shocking than hey you got me I was staring at your boobs.
I say he is just a bit shy and maybe not used to your humour - I would call it a red flag, you are used to your ex's type of responses - Unless you are uncomfortable with it or he is overdoing, staring at your boobs like 95% of the time - Let your connection develop and the communication will probably open up - You say you think you like him then see where it goes, think of the whole relationship, don't overthink little things, it could be his upbringing even being overly polite.
Boobs are something all women have. I don't know how bold you are. Here is something to consider: When the two of you are alone and he glances at your boobs pull your shirt up and, while doing that, also slide your bra up with your shirt and show him your boobs. And give him time to look at them if he wants.
If you can find the "guts" to do this the two of you will have something to laugh about later on.
Maybe he's a little shy to look in your eyes and therefore lets his view divert downward. He may indeed not have had the intention to look at your boobs. I've had cases where I was staring at some part of a person, thinking about something totally different, and after a minute realizing that I was staring :o
I don't think it's necessarily a red flag, but he is likely shy about expressing sexual interest. That could be an issue long term if you're more open, but it's quite possible he's always been told off for being sexual, so he feels he's supposed to deny it.
Next time you catch him, ask if he was looking, and if he says no say 'oh' in a sad voice. Then say that you were hoping he was and wiggle them.
Maybe he just needs to know you welcome it. Maybe he's repressed. Only one way to find out.
He is prob just being shy and looking down, not purposely looking at your boobs.