My boyfriend says that he doesn't believe in marriage, how can I accept it?

My boyfriend is getting ready to join the Marines, and there has something that's been on my mind that I just had to ask him. We've known each other and have been friends for over 10 years (we're both 21), and we've been dating for 3 months. I'm not trying to rush him into anything, but I did ask him if he sees marriage and kids in his future one day. Not necessarily with me, just in general. He said, "I don't believe in marriage. When he said that, I felt every hope and dream just crush before me. I felt devastated. I know it's too early to talk about all of that, but he is someone I wouldn't mind spending my life with. Is this going to potentially shove a wedge between us? How can I accept it? Him going to the marines is scary enough. Now accepting that I might not have a real future with him?


0|0
11|18

Most Helpful Guy

  • He says it now, but I've heard a lot of men say it lol and they end up in a relationship together forever. Also, just respect his decision for now cause things might change. Besides, marriage doesn't mean shit if the love isn't there. plus marriage states you're officially together on paper. Who knows what could happen. Final word, just respect his decision for now OP it might change, and if you love him don't let that marriage shit overrule your mind. He can change beliefs.

    1|0
    0|0

Most Helpful Girl

  • Just leave it to faith
    If it's meant to be it will be
    Whatever happens
    Maybe it'll be difficult but not impossible

    1|0
    0|0

What Guys Said 17

  • He said he doesn't believe in marriage, he didn't say he didn't want to be with you. Some guys don't really see the point of having some legal document in order to be happy with a partner. Plus marriage today is mainly a female indoctrination (like everything else relationship).
    If i didn't believe in the idea BEHIND marriage, not what it is today, i'd probably sound like him as well.
    Question you gotta ask yourself is, do you want to be with him forever... or do you just want that day where you get to wear a dress and get a shiny band. Believe it or not, i know many girls who don't look past their wedding day or even understand the concept of marriage.

    0|0
    0|0
  • u accept it by getting rid of him. bam that was easy to accept :)

    on a serious note, he is joining the military. DO NOT MAKE ANY CHOICES BEFORE HE COMES BACK! he will be a different person. it changes u. will he change his marriage stance... who knows. will u stay together? who knows. but a lot of people dont stay together after basic as they change that much. so warning to u. if u have issues now, they are almost certainly going to end by the time he gets back. end as in its over end. try for the long haul if u want its ur life. i got along with most marines i met but he sounds like he may be one of the pos ones. whats the point of a girlfriend if u dont want to marry them? thats what strippers and hookers are for. girlfriend are too much a hassle if u are not going to marry them. not to mention u auto marry them in most states after a few years. 7 at most in many states of living together.

    0|0
    0|0
    • :( :( :(... oh lawd

    • Show All
  • You'e going to have to decide which is more important to you: marriage or your boyfriend.

    The fact is that many men these days are not interested in marriage. Most young women think that this is a woman-baiting lie and that of course they will be able to secure the husbands whom they want. They realize too late that it isn't a lie.

    0|2
    0|0
  • If you look at this you will see 85% (last time I checked) of men feel this way about marriage.
    www.girlsaskguys.com/.../q2039954-does-this-picture-accurately-represent-marriage-today
    Guys have been taught that they are disposable, easily replaced, and just don't matter. So in this environment is it any wonder why many guys are afraid of marriage?

    0|2
    0|0
  • Why would it change anything?
    Why can't you spend your whole life with him if you are not married? What's stopping you? Marriage is a piece of paper, nothing more. That promise to be with you for better or worse does not need to be complemented by a piece of paper. It doesn't make it any less real.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Lots of people don't believe in marriage. Why is it so important to you?

    If you can figure that out, you'll know if you need marriage more than you need a particular man.

    0|1
    0|0
  • Not many 21 year old guys are really ready to think about that kind of commitment yet.

    It's also worth noting that marriage is just a piece of paper and a ring to signal your commitment to others. You can be committed to someone for the rest of your life without having to marry them.

    0|0
    0|0
  • He's afraid of you using him for his benefits.

    Listen to me, when I was about to join the navy: EVERY soldier told me to leave my girl if I had one, never get married while in the military unless you're older or she's in the military too.

    Give him some time, and approach him with authenticity now that you know what could be the issue.

    1|2
    0|0
  • Not believing in marriage doesn't necessarily mean that he won't want to be with you. You can always cohabitate if he doesn't want to sign the papers.

    0|0
    0|0
  • It's just a silly piece of paper and an expensive party anyway (I know, I was stupid enough to do it 2x). Not needed just to have a relationship and perhaps some offspring. If you can accept him being gone and probably in some Middle East hell hole for 3-6 months (or more) at a time the lack of a paper contract and an expensive party is relatively minor. Look on the bright side, breakups (that are almost guaranteed to happen sooner or later, practically no one stays married for life anymore, or even 10 years) are expensive when lawyers are involved.

    0|0
    0|0
  • What a jackass!

    3|0
    0|0
  • You don't. It wasn't meant to be. Don't settle. You will be miserable wondering if mr right still exist for you.

    1|0
    0|0
  • You clearly don't have a future with him accept it or not. Sorry.

    1|0
    0|0
  • Fact is that he's twenty one he might change his mind in a few years or he might not. Maybe at some other time you could ask why and then maybe you would a better understanding of his mindset.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Maybe only being engaged with him without ever marrying him?

    0|0
    0|0
  • Lol at bitter girls reaction here, explains why they single and lonely and make shit about having some guy liking them

    0|0
    0|0
  • marriage really is just a piece of paper

    0|0
    0|0

What Girls Said 10

  • Just because someone doesn't believe in marriage doesn't mean that they don't believe in finding one person to spend the rest of their life with. I've met a lot of people like that actually who are jaded about it and don't believe in the institution because they think that marriage is just a way for people to trap each other, and it never lasts anyways because of the high divorce rates in the country, but that doesn't mean they don't want to raise a family with one person. Try rephrasing and see what he says.

    0|1
    0|0
  • If a guy is saying that already at his age then it's not a good sign. Many guys I've dated joked about marriage and all that even after a few mere weeks so I doubt that it only being 3 months is a reason why he doesn't want to get married. It seems like something he's serious about. I understand your stress and it would upset me too but at the very least it's still early on and you can back out now far easier than a few years of investing into the relationship.

    2|0
    0|0
  • He's likely not going to change his mind. If it's important to you, you should cut your losses now.

    Have an actual, long conversation with him about it. If he REALLY doesn't believe in it, then you need to leave.

    Personally, I'm not sure how I feel about it. Eh.

    1|0
    0|0
  • sorry but if a guy won't commit... its better to end things here instead of getting toyed with

    2|0
    0|0
    • i dont understand how people can associate marriage with committing. you can commit and stay together without marriage as well.

    • Show All
    • @zombiebabe im not mad. i just want to commit to a girl without marrying her. marriage to me seems like all for her. its her big day or whatever. i dont see the appeal of that to be honest.

    • Not upset at all, was just saying an opinion

  • If he doesn't believe in it and it's something you want, then the only answer is to find someone else who will commit to you. Besides, he's going into the Marines... do you really think things are going to be the same between you two once he comes back? Hell he may even come back with ptsd and do you really want to be the woman who deals with that? Wake up and smell reality girl. Don't wait for him. Go get what you deserve

    1|0
    0|0
  • I would break up with him now

    1|0
    0|0
  • Not believing in marriage isn't the same as wanting to be uncommitted for the rest of your life.

    0|0
    0|0
  • It will be hard for you to accept it. Which will make it harder being with him. It won`t be as fun or loving as it used to be, because you`re expecting something. I would advise you to talk to him about it.

    1|0
    0|0
  • If you want marriage and he does not then you are both not compatible

    1|0
    0|0
  • I told my boyfriend I didn't believe in marriage because it's only a piece of paper. To me marriage is more of a mind set than anything. If my boyfriend really wanted to get married in the future with me then I'd do it because he's very very religious (parents are ministers).

    0|0
    0|0
Loading...