I'm almost 20 and I haven't had a boyfriend yet?

I have always been the shy quiet girl. I got picked on a lot in elementary school for stupid reasons. I closed myself off. I don't have very many guy friends.. and it doesn't help that my career path is full of women. I'm in my last year of college and I got asked out once... emphasis on once. It was so awkward it couldn't even be considered a date. I think I'm just too awkward to date. I try to be positive about myself but my anxiety brings me down. I'm afraid that would turn off someone from being attracted to me. I don't want to hear that us girls have it easier than guys because we don't have to initiate. Hell my mom asked my dad to go out with her. And I know a lot of girls that did the same... I just want to know why am I so different? Many of my friend come to me for dating advice, yet I've yet to experience it myself. I've had crushes sure, but usually they would never know because they always seemed out of my league or taken already.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Thankfully for you, all of the things you've listed about yourself are not a death sentence when it comes to finding a guy. It probably would be had the roles been reversed.

    Granted, you still have to be capable of conversation and at least appear like you are having a decent time around a guy or it won't get very far.

    There are things you can adjust to appeal more to men. Giving off the impression that you are actually approachable is probably the biggest.

    Also, at the end of the day... you should be trying to take matters into your own hands. As tough as it may seem, you can drop more hints around guys or attempt to break out of your shell a bit and just meet new people in general.

    If you want something, put forth the effort and go after it.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Hey! Don't be so sad! I have never been in a relationship and I think that is not necessary before you find a REALLY great guy. You have no rush! I know the feeling you have, I have experienced it myself. I have been really shy and awkward in those situations, but after a lot of weird situations I have finally got better.
    I would advice you to try some dating app. There are a lot of creeps and probably not any very great guys, but there you can learn how to talk go them and get used to attention. Try it out and who knows maybe you'll find someone interesting there.
    But take your friends and go to a club, or some fun event, and see how guys act towards you.
    Trust me, you'll get better at talking to guys sooner or later, you just need to challenge yourself and walk out of that comfort zone!

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What Guys Said 11

  • University and college should almost be thought of as a big social petri dish. All sorts of people from various backgrounds in the same place. It can be fun but some introverted people find it a bit too much.
    Once you go out into the big wide world things will change for you. Think of what your interests are, your hobbies and your career choice. Surround yourself with things that make you happy and find like minded people who share the same interests as you. Just enjoy life and the people around you and if you put yourself in the right place you will meet people that you can connect to and feel comfortable with. Once you have found your own niche it will be a lot easier for you to socialise.

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  • I was 22 when I first tried my hand at relationships. You're not late for anything.
    Forget about the "league" nonsense, that's an unnecessary complication or a convinient reason to not try.

    Experience is the best teacher. You can think it through in your head a thousand times over, it won't help. There is a certain element of spontaneity in play, but that comes only with experience.

    I should emphasize that road to success is LITTERED with failures. Don't be afraid to make mistakes, you will. Take pride in your accomplishments.

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  • Hey Im a guy, almost 19, never had a kiss, never had a chance to be with anybody, no girl was ever interested in me my whole life. And its even worse. Because a girl your age who never had a boyfriend is usually seen as a nice girl who doesn't want to be with any guy. While guy like me is simply a fucking loser

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  • I'm so curious if your hotness level... It's legit killing me.

    But regardless, it's not an issue... I've been in an eight year relationship, a one month, a two eeek, a one year, flings, one nighters, list goes on BUT does that in any way make you or I better than one another? no.

    Everyones path is diffrent, inrovert, extrovert. Nether good, nether bad. Both good qualities, both bad qualities. No one worthy has come along yet haha.

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    • Why does the level of hotness matter?

    • ... why would they not?

      No ones about to date a chick who looks like she took a sledge hammer to the face. Yes, extremely savage but no one notices your personality by looking at you. Physical attraction is a major relevance.

  • Time to find a boyfriend boyo.

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  • Why not ask your friends if they know anyone.

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  • Well, you're not alone. I never had a real girlfriend.

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  • please send private message

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  • Have you ever given head?

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    • I have no desire to put another persons gentiles in my mouth. But if you do, it's up to you.

    • A girls.

  • What is your career path?

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    • Veterinary Technology.

    • ok, and don't worry, sometimes good things take time. Don't rush into it. its ok to feel anxious, we all do. Start conversations with guys and just talk naturally

What Girls Said 8

  • It's simple: if you come across as closed off, unconfident, and timid, people are less likely to approach you since those behaviors read as non-receptive.

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  • You're not different at all. Plenty of people in their 20's haven't had any serious relationships. Your life isn't defined by whether or not you're with another person.

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  • OH MY GOSH. WE'RE THE SAME PERSON. I'm really shy when it comes to guys and there have been guys who have tried to ask me out or talk to me but they're more of the outgoing guys and that terrifies me. I don't know they're just so intimidating but yeah my shyness has messed up a lot of things for me. You're young you need to try to get out of your comfort zone.

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  • Come on girl for heavens sake, get a grip will you.
    Have you never thought about giving yourself a kick up the ass, and asking some of these crushes out yourself?
    If it was good enough for your mom to do so, then it's certainly good enough for you to follow her example.

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    • Your response made me think. I should try harder, but my problem is mt anxiety. I'm afraid of being turned down. I know it would hurt and that I should still try. But nevertheless I'm still scared.

    • Have you not thought about perhaps asking your mum for some help on this?
      She has after all been there, and done that.
      I really do feel for you, I can't imagine just how difficult it must be for you.

  • We seem to have the exact same story haha
    I see it as waiting for a good guy who understands my awkwardness and my lack of trust for men

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  • It takes time for everyone, personally i wish I hadn't dated until I was in my 20's because girl let me tell you highschool relationships DO NOT WORK OUT, you're an adult now, it's no biggie that you haven't had a boyfriend yet, Hun you'll get there.

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    • Boys cause problems anyways HAHA you just have to find the right one!!

  • GOOD. WAIT.

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  • Same problem, and I'm older than you! First off, I don't think your age matters too much, so don't worry about that. Better to take your time than rush into things, end up with a load of regrets and risk becoming more closed off.
    This is my advice (to myself too):
    Keep being positive about yourself. There are lots of reasons why someone would like you. You are obviously smart, compassionate and emotionally intelligent if friends come to you for advice.
    Try a be around friends more to increase your confidence and self worth. Along with that will come opportunities to meet new people, and guys.
    Once you meet a guy you like, if you get vibes that he might like you, don't dismiss it out of fear/disbelief. You don't have to throw yourself at him, but just be nice, friendly and try and overcome your awkwardness enough to show you're up for getting to know him. On dates, focus on him and don't think too much about how you're coming across.
    If things don't go anywhere with someone, that's FINE and not a reason to think badly of yourself.

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